Do parents that place their children up for adoption at birth often regret their decision?

Question

Just curious about this. I think it is one of the most noble and courageous things a person can do. If you have placed a child for adoption, did you later regret your decision? Why?

Answer 1

Yes, and no. Some do, and some don't. Each adoption situation is different and no one can say what another one feels.

Answer 2

yes i have heard there are alot that have and some wondered did they grow up good and have a good home and on and on. its very sad and i can see why it would haunt me and i know i couldn't do it was lucky for what i have and i thank God everyday for what i never had to make decision for. take cae.

Answer 3

Here are some links to organizations for first parents.  Many of them do experience lots of pain, even regret later.  

http://www.cubirthparents.org

http://www.origins-usa.org/

Answer 4

ohh yea... think about it everyday things we all regret it is not just about adoption it is life... things can happen differently and effect our life

Answer 5

Yes and no. I did not regret my decision, I regretted being in the position I was to have to make that decision. It was for the safety of my child. Did it drive me crazy afterward? Yes for 28 years until she found me. I originally thought all adoptive parents were like the Clevers. I found out after I signed the papers not all of them were. I worried about her safety even after I gave her up to keep her safe.

Answer 6

I am adopted and my mom is very upset about and is trying to get me back

Answer 7

It wasn't noble or courageous. If you really want to know, give it a shot. However you get your baby, go pick out some other parents for your child and then tell me how you feel. But if you did not carry the child for 9 months, you really will never be able to understand.

BIG regrets. I was lied to in every way possible. "Open" adoption is a lie.

Answer 8

it all depends on the situation. i had my son when i was 15, my mother adopted him. i still get to see him so it makes it easier but it still hurts and i still have regrets. but i am now 21 with two girls so i regret not raising him and seeing his first step and not hearing his first word. if at the time you are sure you want to give up your child then it is the right thing to do. but make sure your doing it with all a clear head and enough information.

Answer 9

My wife had a baby boy in 1991 that was taken from her by trickery. That said,not one day goes by that she doesn't think about him and all the "what ifs".Does she regret being tricked? Yes.There was nothing noble about it.The only paper she signed,thinking it was medical papers,was in fact adoption papers. There are some truely "sick" people in this world and she met them.Not all is cute and cozy in USA adoptions and NJ is on top of that list.

Answer 10

i gave my first daughter up for adoption, i was 15 when i got pregnant she came 2 days after my 16th Bday and even though she was adopted by my aunt i still regret it and wish like h**l i could go back in time cuz i wouldnt do it again she is 3yrs old now and i still cry when i talk to her on the phone cuz i miss her so much.. When i first did it (she was 3 months) i missed everything even the dirty diapers and the crying all night and i still miss it.  But i did it cuz i was in an abusive relationship and DCF wouldnt let me stay at my moms and none of my other family would take both of us in.. so i let a family member adopt insted of DCF placing her cuz i might of never seen her again. I regret not having her but i dont regret letting my aunt adopt her

Answer 11

This isn't an answer to your question. I'm not a biological mother. I'm an adoptive mom. I was reading the answers of the biological mothers and it hurt me so badly.

I guess I wanted to give you all a view from an adoptive mother's view.

You have each done something that is miraculous. You have given a woman such a gift that could not have been done without you. To know that I wanted to be a mother, and it couldn't have been done without you. You have my undying love and respect. My child will always know the love that you have for them and continue to. When my child is ready to search for you, I will support that without a doubt. I have a box of items that were included. That box will be shown to them when it's time. Although I will keep that box until I know that my child is responsible enough to understand and respect the items that are there, because they are irreplaceable. You are a part of my child, and my child is a part of you. I will always love you, and respect you. You gave me the greatest gift of all. The ability to be a mother and to love a child. I love this child unconditionally. I may not have carried my child in my womb, but I carry my child in my heart and soul. I can't imagine loving anything more than the love I have for my child. You gave me such a special gift. A gift that only one woman could give to another, sharing the love for the same child. We don't take that responsibility lightly. It's something that we have dreamed of our entire lives, and without you it wouldn't be possible. The love you have is incredible. You have my undying thanks, love, and I am amazed with each of you and your ability to help another woman reach her dreams of becoming a mother and sharing in that dream. I have hoped to adopt again. But I haven't found the person that will again grant me that miracle. At the same time, I am enjoying each and every moment of the miracle that I have been granted and I don't want to miss one moment. From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you for helping not only my dream come true but for helping each miracle come true for every woman out there. Thank you so very much. You'll truly never know how much you are a part of our lives and how much we love and thank you every day for making our dreams come true.

Answer 12

Yes, I regret my decision, I missed out on the first 30 years of my babies life. I wish I had never put myself in the position to use the adoption option but I did and that's that.

Answer 13

I regret it every second of every day. I love my son and miss him more than words can explain. It haunts every aspect of my life. I go on and try to make the best of life raising my girls and accepting the love they bring but a huge part of who I am was ripped from my soul.

My mom feels the same. The look in her eyes when we met told me everything I needed to know. She loved and missed me and was deeply regretful of the choice that was forced upon her.

Answer 14

My first mom regrets it.  She missed me.  I missed her.  We both spent 30-some years thinking about each other.

As for your claim that it's "one of the of the most noble and courageous things a person can do," perhaps you should see the answers to this question...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

It seems many people don't agree with you...  It appears to be based on circumstances, rather than a blanket generalization...

ETA: I can't get the link to work...  Look at my profile and find my Q&A, then go to the question "If relinquishing a child to adoption is the most unselfish act, is parenting a child a selfish act?"

Answer 15

let me counter the the "loving gift" argument...

babies are not ipods from best buy.  they are human beings--and are not widgets used to fix infertility.

that being said, when i made my adoption plan, many of the young women who relinquished and were asked to join our "birthmother support groups" (the agency's idea of counseling) only told us the "good" about adoption. surprisingly, when a question came up from one of the pregnant women about "regrets", the fmoms and facilitators always defaulted to "mothers make hard choices for their children, out of love.." --yuck..bleh..

even as a young naive, scared pregnant woman, i knew manure when i smelled it.  so i kept pressing the "regret" question. but i couldn't get a straight answer.  and this is counseling, BTW.

ironically, i ran into one of the women from my support group (after i changed my mind), who told me, "no body told me it would hurt so much!"  it has been my experience that most women feel this way; yet either do not nor feel they can speak out about it.

so the answer is most do, and some don't...

ps.. THANK YOU for not calling women who place "birthmothers."  it's such a dehumanizing term.

Answer 16

Yes, I do!

Answer 17

i did not regret the decision when i gave up my daughter for adoption as i myself was adopted and knew that she would be better in a stable family than with a girl who was too young to look after herself let alone a baby my one regret now is that she knows where i am and has two boys of her own and she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want to know me now and doesn't want to meet me this hurts i wish that i hadn't hurt her this much