Do parents who give there children up for adoption ever think about the child they gave away?

Question

I'm adopted, and I'm perfectly fine with it. But, I was wondering, do the parents who give away there children for adoption ever think about the child?

Does they even remember the child, or remember there birthday or ever think about them?

I would like to think my mum still at least remembers I exist, but I find it hard convincing myself that it's true. sometimes. So, adoptive parents, do you ever think about your child?

Answer 1

I gave my daughter up in 1972. I thought of her all the time, I wondered if she was happy and had fulfilled all of her dreams, did she have a great childhood. Every birthday I cried for her. Then in 2001 I went looking for her and I found her, so now i get to call her every birthday, and say Happy Birthday, I love you.

I'm sure your mom thinks of you every minute of everyday.

Answer 2

I dont have any kids but i know that you would never forget about your baby even if you tried. If you give your baby up for adoption then you could still visit it, or at least get the person to fill you in about your child and send you pictures of how thier doing.

Answer 3

24 hours a day 7 days a week,  yes it is hard on their birthday,  and you wonder every minute if they are happy, and what kind of life they have!!   you wonder if they ever think of you, and what  they or you would do or say if you ever got a chance to see them again!!!

Answer 4

The many first mothers that I know - absolutely - yes.

I think those that don't - have tried hard to not remember it all - as I'm sure losing a child to adoption would be so very very painful. (worse than death - as you don't have closure - that child is out there - somewhere - and for some that can be so painful - they just want to push it down as far as they can.)

Many women were pushed into relinquishing their children - due to being unwed etc. - so it all was very hard.

And to the poster above me - Vertigo - do try to search for her - as I know many many adoptees that would have loved to have some of their bio family come looking for them.

Adoptee's are too scared of rejection to try searching sometimes.

Sadly - first families don't think it's their right.

Stop the stand-off.....try to reach out.

Here are some places to start the search - take things slow - it can't hurt -

First - add your details to the free registries here

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for information on your state records here -

http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

Check here for search help - and links to free search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/

I wish you both all the very best.

Answer 5

I have never met or heard of a first mom who didn't think about her child constantly, no matter how many years it has been.

Answer 6

Do I think about my son? YES! Every single day.

When I walk to the kitchen and see his pictures on the hallway wall. When I shower and see the three stretch marks he gave me on my hip. When I look at my daughters and see some of his features smiling back at me. When I talk to my own first mother and hear her voice and remember my heritage. When I hear certain songs, or watch certain kids shows. When my youngest sings the Little Green Frog song, it was her brother's favorite! When I crawl into bed at night and cuddle up with his Pooh Bear stuffy, one of the only things I have left that was his.

I think about him constantly, mothers don't forget their children. I'm 100% sure your first mom hasn't forgotten about you either, not even close.

Answer 7

I would think your biological mother thinks of you every day. Certainly on your birthday and christmas. My daughter is adopted too,  and right now her first mom  doesn't want contact. But I plan to tell her that her first mom is definitely thinking about her (she's only 2.5 now so although I talk about her being adopted I don't go into a lot of details). I think about her first mom quite a bit, and even my daughter's sibling (her first mom is parenting an older girl). If I think of them so frequently, her first mom must think of my daughter at least twice that often.

I hope  some day your first mom can tell you how often she thinks of you.

Answer 8

Yes they do.  I adopted my son at birth and did an open adoption. My sons biological mother emails us, calls, we talk all the time. She thinks about him all the time.

I just think it is harder on some parents and they would much rather not have the communication because it makes it that much harder to say good bye each time.

Answer 9

Oh yes of course they do ! I am sure not a day goes by without them thinking of you. It would have been the hardest decision of all for them to make and I'm sure they would have kept you if they thought for 1 moment that you would have been better with them.Think of them with love and know that they love you to.

Answer 10

Absolutely, they do. And I'd be about 100% positive your firstmom thinks of you. She knows exactly when your birthday is.

My mom is a first mom - she relinquished her son 41 years ago. She has never stopped thinking about him, never stopped loving him. She does believe, even all of these years later, that she made the right decision - but that never takes away the fact that he is her son, and she will think about him and love him for the rest of her life. He is important to her, to the point that she told me about him when I was eleven, because she didn't want to hide the fact that he existed from me. So, I think about him a lot, too - and remember when his birthday is.

Answer 11

My Dad had his first child when he was very young, he wanted to keep it however his girlfriend gave it up for adoption, the only time i have ever seen my dad cry is when he talks about his son who he may never meet. I often feel very sad that ihave never met my older brother, and i dont think he has much interest in meeting us. I dont even know if he knows i exist. It breaks my heart.

Answer 12

Of course we do.There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my daughter and it hasn't changed in the thirty years since I gave her up.I just hope that my mother,who also gave me up,thinks of me some of the time.No woman would be able to forget any of the children that they have given birth to whether they are with them or not.I know that I will always think of my daughter plus the son who I had stillborn as well as the two children I have with me

Answer 13

OMG, Sweetie, DAILY!! And sometimes nightly in my dreams! My entire family and most of my friends think and talk about my adoption - lots! We celebrate/mourn birthdays and holidays and many of my family carry pictures and display them in our homes - including me. My raised children know and we talk about adoption and their sibling situation freely.

I know many first parents; mothers, fathers and even extended families of children who were placed for adoption and ALL of them think about their children/grandchildren/brothers/sisters/... lost to adoption.

Did you know that approximately 98% of first mothers want reunion according to the Evan B. Donaldson Institute study of first parents?! I'd be willing to bet your first parents think of you often and a can pretty much garuntee that unless some amnesia is involved that you are definately remembered!

((((HUGS))))

Answer 14

not if you have an open adoption and if you dont know what that is it is where the real parents can have photos like every month.

Answer 15

I have an open adoption with all my kids mom's and dad's. My baby's mom (9 months) misses her so much. I write her every week, often twice. I send her tons of pictures and video's but she told me today that she likes to keep them and watch the videos and pretend that Kyden is at her house. That just brings tears to my eyes. She will never forget....and never WANTs to forget her daughter. It is such a difficult thing. Saying "give away their children" makes it sound like they were tossed aside. It was over many tears and sleepless nights  that Kydens mom let us take her home. I cry and grieve with her.  I'm sure the same is case when your mom placed you with another family. I hope you can find her someday and share all your stories.

Answer 16

Every second of every day. She is my heart

Answer 17

I think about her all the time.  And I am sure your mother thinks of you all the time.  

How can we forget a birthday of our child?  My daughter will be turning one tomorrow.  Technically, it was a year ago yesterday (Saturday) that she was born......I remember....

We never forget, hon.

Answer 18

Oh yes, this wonderful woman once gave up a child and the pain followers her always. http://adoption-birthmothers.blogspot.co...

Answer 19

I also was adopted, but when I was 24, I tracked down my biological family, and got to meet many of them.  Turns out my b-mom had always thought of me.  She never stopped.  She desperately wanted to know who and how I was, but thought it was not right/appropriate/whatever to seek me out, and hoped one day I would.  My b-father also thought of me, but not as much or in the same way.  

I keep in touch and get together w/my birth mom every couple years (she's in FL and I'm in PA) and we kindof loosley keep in touch, but underneath, we are very close.  It's altogether an odd, frustrating, emotional, but positive thing.

Answer 20

All the time.

Non stop for the first 17 years until I found him and just about as much after wards as well.

It is the same  for every other mother that I know as well...and that's now hundreds.

Answer 21

Yes. I havent given a child up for adoption but there is no way in the world a mother could forget her baby, it would not be possible to forget carrying them for 9 months and then giving birth to them. Giving a child up for adoption is a very emotionally difficult thing to do which is why many women would choose abortion over it. Your mum must have been strong to be able to say goodbye to you and I am sure she thinks about you all the time

Answer 22

I'm adopted too...but I don't think that a parent could forget going through nine months with a baby in their stomach. It's impossible. You're their child and the possiblities are that they did something for the court to take you away. My mom was hooked on drugs she was a s**t and had s*x with three guys and had five kids. That's not something a person can forget.

Answer 23

I see a lot of questions on here about girls wondering whether to terminate or continue a pregnancy.  A lot of answerers say give it up for adoption - as if it's an easy option!  Let me tell you something, it's NOT the easy way out.  Those girls will think about their baby every day for the rest of their lives.  My brother and his girlfriend gave up a baby girl for adoption years ago - my parents never forgot about that child.  She would be about 23 now and I'm still hopeful that one day she'll get in touch with our family.  We miss her - she should be here, in our family.

Answer 24

Yes. We do.

I gave my daughter up for adoption last July. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life and I guarentee it will stay that way until the day I die. But I did what was best for her. I thank God I found such wonderful parents for her, who approve of my desire for an open adoption. I get to see her in pictures, and know that she's well taken care of. Granted, the adoption is a fairly recent one. But I don't doubt for a second that I will think of her the rest of my life. She's my daughter, I could never forget her. I think of her every day, even if it's just wondering how she's doing. Or if she's healthy & okay. If she's happy. I don't doubt that your mother wonders the same things about you. I try to stay in the background as much as I can... I signed over my rights & it's not my place to be involved in my daughter's life anymore. But I still love her & would do anything for her & I'd bet your mom is much the same.

Answer 25

For 28 years until she found me.