Do parents who have adopted a child treat that child as their own?

Question

This question is mainly for those who have adopted and have not birthed children of their own. I'm sure most parents who adopt have the best intentions, but do they get the same fulfillment as though they have had a child of their own blood? Do they ever regret their decision not to have children?

Answer 1

I couldn't help but answer ur question. Growing up my parents always treated me as their own. What makes this so remarkable you ask? They are white and I'm bi-racial. When my Dad introduces me he proudly says "this is my daughter _". My Mother does the same thing. Not only that when some said to them "oh this is your adopted daughter" they quickly corrected them by saying "no this is my daughter". They never made me feel any different. To them I'm their daughter, to them they are my parents. I see no difference.

Answer 2

I was trying to adopt my son's sister (unfortunately, things didn't work out before I ended up splitting with my ex), and from the first day I got her I treated her as if she was mine.  When my son came along (when I gave birth), I actually felt bad at first...   it felt like I didn't love HIM as much as I loved his sister....  totally weird right?  Of course, as time went on, things evenned out.  

However, it was something I always wondered about growing up.  I had two brothers who were adopted and were mentally retarded, and I had three brothers who were biological.  I knew I felt differently about my adopted brothers, but I could never figure out whether it was because they were handicapped or because they were adopted.  I've come to the conclusion that it was a mixture of both.  It wasn't that I didn't love them, I did (and still do), but things just weren't the "same".  

This leads me to believe that in some cases adoption isn't "just like" giving birth, and in some cases it is.  It depends on the parents, the family, and the situation.

Answer 3

If you are going to adopt a child then you are signing on to treat them as your child with no differences than a biological child.  Step-children deserve the same treatment.

Answer 4

my child is my "own".  she's not biologically related to me but she is my child.  i did not choose to not have biological children, that decision was out of my hands, the only regret i have about adoption is i have not been there for every moment of her life.  i did not feel her first movements, i did not get the bonding with her inside of me, but seconds after she was born and was placed in my arms she was no less mine than a child i had been pregnant with.  but i do not for a second regret the woman who placed her in my arms and will do my best to honor her and make sure that my child knows her other mother.  i don't understand the thinking of you can't love someone who's not of your blood.  my husband is not of my blood and i love him very dearly.  a wise person once said blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.  i think that perfectly fits how you feel about your child no matter how they came into your life.  many couples and individuals choose wether they want to be pregnant or parents.  we choose to be parents of our very own child.  she just happens to be another couple's own child too, you can't ever forget that.

for those that wonder how i know if i would love a biological child the same since i never gave birth?  i have been pregnant and i know for a fact the love i felt for those children until sadly miscarried is the same as i feel for my daughter.  i have happy memories with the children i was pregnant with, and of course sadness.  my regrets of not giving birth to a live child besides the obvious is i'll never know their individual personalities and desires.  all i've ever known for them is simply love.  while i think you love each child the same, you feel different about each child no matter.  that is because each child is an individual that requires different types of interaction and has different desires.  but the love stays the same.  my daughter is hispanic/caucasion and my husband and i are caucasion.  but it seems she looks asian.  often i am asked where i got her from, which drives me nuts.  but i simply reply she came from where all babies come from, God and love.  to me she doesn't look asian, or i don't see it because to me she looks like my own daughter.

Answer 5

My adoptive parents never treated me as anything less than their own.  The decision not to have a child of their own blood was not theirs, though; both are infertile.

Answer 6

I don't know what you mean "Do they ever regret their decision not to have children?" I have no regrets. If one has adopted or birthed a child, they've had a child and the child is their own.  Why wouldn't adoptive parents "treat" them as their "own"? What a strange question!

Are you saying that you treat your bio children differently than your adopted children? I hope not. That's sad and very unfair to the child(ren).

sunny, yours is a one sided story, too. It's always sunny's way or the highway with you.Why do you always have to be so hateful? I don't really believe you are from the South. How would you know what it's like to adopt? You don't. This question was supposed to be "mainly" for parents who've adopted and have not "birthed"/borne children of their "own". According to your "answers", you've done neither. Bring your usual thumbs down on, although tonight it seems as if you're outnumbered.

Answer 7

As an adult adoptee with biological children, I'm not in the best position to answer this question.  After all, how would someone who has NEVER adopted, and only conceived their own children understand?

But I will say that as an adopted child, my parents treated myself and my adopted sister exactly the same as our biological sibling, and even as an adult we're all equal in our parents eyes.  My parents adopted me and my other sister (who isn't blood related to me) after they had our older brother, while they were perfectly able to still have more children naturally, and they never regretted it for a day.

Answer 8

As an adoptee, I felt extremely loved growing up.  I was able to locate my birth mother when I was 31, and though we spoke on the phone at length, I have no desire to have a relationship with her.  I recently asked my mom if she ever wondered what I would grow up to look like since I was adopted - she said you don't see things like that.  You see it as your child, not somebody else's.  It's funny - though I have some different features, I definitely have my mother's smile and mannerisms.

Answer 9

How would parents who have NOT concieved and bore their own children KNOW if they feel the same as they would have with their adopted children?

They will never know if they would be as fufilled if they'd had their own children.  Their 'children' never existed.

And even if they say they would be, or have bio & adopted kids, theirs is only one side of the story.

As an adopted kid, I missed my family terribly.  A family that actually exists.

Answer 10

I'm adopted and my parents definately treat me as their own blood. They make it easy to forget, and seem as if I were their own blood.

Answer 11

We adopted both of our children, and I can't imagine loving them anymore if I had given birth to them. We have no regrets about adopting rather then having biological children.

Answer 12

I have an aunt who adopted 2 kids.  Everyone considers them to be blood related.  They are my blood relatives as far as I am concerned.  Also, I have a friend who adopted a child and gave birth to another.  They are 3 months apart too (she thought she couldn't get pregnant).  Their family has never looked at the adopted child as anything but family.  

In both cases, none of the children have wanted to meet their real parents because they feel like their adoption parents are their real family.  My cousins who are adopted are 22 and 19 and the other child I know is 14.

Answer 13

We have adopted three, and I can't imagine loving birth children any more than I do these.  I wouldn't have treated them any differently had I given birth to them.

EDIT:  And I have a nephew who was adopted - he's no different to me than my other bio nephews and nieces.

Answer 14

Really, my parents had my sister about 18 yr before I was born. The only child they had was my sis and then my mom had to have a hysterectomy so she couldn't have any more. I'm way more spoiled than my sister.My mamaw had 10 kids and had over 40 grandchildren, and the closest to my age was 9-11 years older than me.  I am also treated just like blood by the rest of my family. They introduce me as " this is my  daughter/niece/cousin or (whoever I am with) Ellen. Actually, studies show adopted kids are treated more preciously because most adoptive parents go through so much to get a child. I know my sister didn't take karate,& gymnastics lessons, and  basketball, and softball stuff like my sister did.

Answer 15

I received joy, love, understanding, compassion etc. etc. from adopting five at birth.  They are now adults, with their own wonderful children.

Blood does not a parent make.  Fulfillment?  I wish there was a stronger word that meant the same thing.  My children were the best thing that ever happened to us all.  

When my oldest was 11 years of age, I gave birth to a baby girl.  When I held her in my arms I felt no difference than when I  held my other five children in my arms.,  My love for all six children was unconditional.

Being a mother means caring for, in sickness and in health, loving, unconditionally, understanding, forgiving, etc. etc. for that childs whole life.  

Best intentions?  Sorry, but your question tells me, by your wording, that you have no idea what love is about when it comes to children.

A child is a child, is a child.  All six of my children are of different ethnic backgrounds, and I now have 12 wonderful, grandchildren.

My love FOR ALL SIX has given them a chance in life, which they took.  "Own blood" means nothing to me, my children or my grandchildren.  Not one of them has ever questioned who were their REAL parents because they knew we were.

They were loved and cared for, and given a chance to be who they are now.  

"fulfillment", "best intentions" "regret" "child of their own blood" -   "treat the child as their own?"

I wonder if my answer has satisfied you.  Somehow I don't think so, because I think you are looking for adoptees who were unhappy, because they were not loved by their adopted parents.  That has happened, and that is  the reason these unhappy children/adults look for who they call, "their real parents", because they never ever had REAL PARENTS, like my children had and like many thousands of other did.

To:- A HEALING ADOPTEE

I have two black adult sons, and beautiful black grandchildren. A Native daughter, a asian daughter. Well you get the picture.  Then I had (pregnant) a caucasian daughter.

I used to hear people introduce their adopted children like this:-  This is my adopted child and this is our own.   My stomach would turn and I knew that the child would always feel different and not a real part of that family.

I would say "These are my children"  - Words;make a difference to a child, as does being loved unconditionally.