Do people go adopting oversears so the child cant go looking for their parents when they're 18?

Question

Do people go adopting oversears so the child cant go looking for their parents when they're 18?

Answer 1

I would say that this is an uncommon reason. More likely that it is less likely that the natural mother will change her mind. In most cases, the babies have been in the orphanage for months prior to adoption, so it's pretty uncommon to get a newborn.

Answer 2

No  .. lots of kids overseas need a good home.

Answer 3

I think that is part of it but another part is, in this country the biological parents can come back and try to get their kids. I've heard of several cases of even three and four year old children being taken away from adoptive parents to go back to biological parents. You avoid all that by adopting abroad.

Answer 4

I can only speak for our family, but no.  

In fact, we met our children's mother while in-country and keep as much contact as we are legally permitted.

Answer 5

I can't speak for anyone else but that thought never crossed our minds when we adopted overseas.  We happened to be living overseas and just took advantage of the opportunity.

Answer 6

Not likely an attempt to prevent contacting of birth parents.

Most likely:

1) it can be much easier to adopt a foreign baby than a U.S. baby in some areas.

2) sometimes there just aren't as many babies as there are adoptive parents looking for one.

cw

Answer 7

I am sure that is why SOME people choose international adoption. Is that why we choose that route-no.

Answer 8

While international adoption was not an option for us, I do know that when we had previously discussed international adoption one of the reasons we "considered" it was not so that the child couldn't locate his original family but so that the original family could not show up on our door step and try to take the child back.  After doing research and learning about adoption, we realized that these "fears" we had come to learn were rare.  We also learned the importance of having a connection to the original family (in situations that did not contain abuse or neglect).  I believe that some people may choose international adoption out of uneducated fears regarding the original family.

Answer 9

I never considered that as a factor in adopting our daughters from South America.  Someone who's insecure about a child searching for biological parents probably isn't the best candidate for adoption in the first place.

We chose South America because we knew that's where our daughters were.  We also had a fear of all the media stories we'd heard about birth mothers tracking down adopted kids and either demanding them back or kidnapping them - little did we know how rare that was, but it all worked out for the best in the end considering we got the daughters we were meant to have. :)

next time we adopt it will likely be an older child or older children from the US foster care system.  No particular reason other than that's where we feel our next child/ren is/are.

Answer 10

I think that's a big reason, Apple.

Also, there will be no interference from the child's natural parents.

Add distance, plus a language barrier and you've got a very desirable situation for potential adopters.

Answer 11

That is not why I am doing it.  

Several members of my family and I have each looked into adoption at different times over the last 10 years and, I'm sad to say,  it is very very difficult for an American to adopt an American child unless that child has physical or psychological disabilities.  

It is actually much easier to adopt internationally, and you are more likely to actually get a child that way.  In America, an adoption agency can charge you thousands,  let the child live in your home for several months,  then tell you that not only can you not adopt that child, all the money you paid towards adopting that child is now gone.  No child for you.  

That is exactly what happened to my aunt and uncle.  Their marriage is his second and her first,  they are both over 40 and are not able to have children of their own,  yet the government has made it so that IF they are able to adopt a child,  they will have to wait several years and thre is no real guarantee.

While in other countries there are orphanages that are so over-populated that they don't have enough beds for all the children.  Children have to sleep 2 and 3 in a bed.  Those children need families.

Answer 12

IF you are thinking of it this way, you should reconsider adopting.  If you love your child (presumably the point of you adopting), then you want what is best for your child.  That might mean he or she will one day want to find his or her heritage.  If you have intentionally cut him or her off from it, what does that say about your love?  That it's conditional?  That you are really thinking only about your own needs, rather than the child's?  That's not a good start to your parenthood.

I love my adoptive parents.  And they love me.  And they supported me in my search.  The question you should be asking yourself is do you really want to love your child?  Or are you really looking for an accessory?

Answer 13

Yes they do and If that's what you are considering, then I think it would be an extremely cruel thing to do to a child.

Every human being deserves to know the truth of who they are and where they came from.  The desire to know is not  a reflection on the love an adoptee has for his/her adoptive parents at all - please don't be afraid of this.    Many adoptees are closer to their adoptive parents when this is understood.  

Purposefully cutting off a child's roots will only distance the adoptee more from the adoptive parent whilst understanding the very natural need to know the truth of one's origins only serves to bring them closer in their relationship.

Answer 14

For us that wasn't the case at all. We really wish it was more common to have an open international adoption, and would welcome contact from any members of our sons' first-mothers.

We continue to send updates and photos to their files in Korea in hope that someday their first-mothers will go to the agency and ask to see them. We plan on taking them to Korea when they are older to access their files, and will help them in anyway we can with their birth family search.

Answer 15

I adopted overseas twice. We looked for our son's family right away so that we would know for sure the truth about his adoption, so we could exchange letters & pictures, and hopefully so that when our son feels ready, we can bring him back to meet them.

With our other two, who were siblings, we met their father the day after we met them.  They were four and six years old when we adopted them, and we feel it's very important for them to have communication with their father all the time while they're growing up, not just when they turn eighteen.

I know a lot of IA parents, but none have ever expressed that thought to me - that they are adopting overseas to cut out the parents.  However, most of the people I know adopted older children so I don't know much about people who adopted babies.  With the parents I know, if they didn't search right away, they are kicking themselves now and trying to find people to help them search.  They are realizing that for one thing, it's important to the child. For another, they want to confirm that their adoption was ethical.

I think it would be a huge mistake to go overseas with the motive of cutting out your child's first parents.  If you're good parents your children will love you. That doesn't mean, though, that they won't be curious about where they came from, or unable to love other people as well.  I would think your being open to help your child know his/her whole truth would strengthen your bond with each other.  Trying to cut out 'competitors' might cause resentment.

Answer 16

NO!  We met and are still in contact with DD's First Family.  If this is your reasoning behind adopting, then don't adopt.  Any connection to the child's First Family is extremely valuable.  Adoption is about the child.  The child's needs and wants.  Will the child want some connection to his/her First Family?  Of Course!

http://www.informedadoptions.com/index.p...

Answer 17

Apple,

Not all adoptive parents want to block out their child's first parents. I would be happy if my dd's mother would stay in her life. She has broken contact three times. This last time has been particularly devastating for her. Luckily she has a great relationship with both sets of first grandparents and I love them dearly for keeping contact it means so much to all of us.

We had family over the weekend where we were altogether. When my daughter says mom mom FIVE woman look her way. When she says pop pop four men look her way. They all love her dearly and we love her enough to want to make this work for HER benefit.

Adoption in America can be difficult and family adoption can be long and drawn out. Ours took seven years. Children in other countries are no less important then American children when it comes to permanence.