Do people here feel there's a difference in adoption between...?

Question

...adopting a newborn vs. a child from foster care? Children in foster care have parents who are unable to parent their child for a variety of reasons (in my area, most often due to drug addiction). Do you believe that these children need stable, loving, permanent homes? If not, what option do you see for them?

Adopting a newborn most often occurs b/c a mother feels unprepared to be a mother - whether due to her financial situation, her age, the family support available to her (or not). With proper support, she may be able to mother her own child. It should be her choice, but not one made under duress or out of fear. Yes?

What are your thoughts? Is adoption of a child from foster care (or those orphaned) different than adopting a newborn? Also, was adoption 'different' 40+ years ago than it is today? Open vs. sealed? Fewer newborns available with the stigma of being unwed minimized & women choosing to keep their child?

Do these factors influence your opinions? If so, how?

Answer 1

I have always ***Personally*** seen these types of adoptions as different.....

While I personally did not consider private or domestic infant adoption for more then about 2 mins...  My own feelings came from growing up with my Uncle who grew up in an Orphanage during the late 30's to 40's. His mother was alive but could not care for her sons due to the same issues that lead us to place children in foster care today... They waited their whole lives to "be adopted"--they never were.

I believed that should I ever choose to adopt I would want to adopt siblings... Knowing my uncle and his brothers story--and believing that if no genetics were shared with my children it would be awesome if my children were genetically related to each other!

I believe that many people are today choosing to adopt children from foster care for an additional reason which actually does bug me.... I believe there are parents who FEAR Open Adoption and choose Foster Care Adoption because of the "added" No Contact order. While I don't hear this publically admitted often the undertones are clear...

I believe that Open adoption or at least AP's educated and Not Threatened with the actual facts that their Child/ren have a birth family they may oneday seek out is important...

I believe that each person should know their history and the truth even if some of the truth is hurtful. I think that in the past there was some kind of assumption that saying something was SO--meant it was.

I believe in Open Birth Certificates I have never understood why a Marriage License will change a woman's last name and identity just fine and there is no need to ammend her birth certificate--Yet and adopted Person is given a Fraudulant Birth Certificate as if it means they were never who they were at birth.... Seems that by now we could find some way to document the truth and the changes in a persons life without changing the truth of their birth...

As for as a birthmother's choices and options... And how to help this area is one where I have few answers... I don't know what would make the difference as I don't know all the "deepest" reasons a mother chooses adoption... I suspect there may be as many reasons as there are for many other major life decisions.... I am not convienced it is always just about Youth and lack of resources... I would say that if it was simply these issues we would find a way to end the need completely....

I 100% believe that there should be No duress or presure or Fear inflicted by OTHER's on a mother facing this decision... I am just not sure if some of these feelings can be resolved if they are "self-inflicted" due to the other circumstances of a womans upbringing--morality--or personal self prespective...

Answer 2

...adopting a newborn vs. a child from foster care?

YES BIG DIFFERENCE

Children in foster care have parents who are unable to parent their child for a variety of reasons (in my area, most often due to drug addiction). Do you believe that these children need stable, loving, permanent homes?  OFCOURSE THEY DO

If not, what option do you see for them? N/A

Adopting a newborn most often occurs b/c a mother feels unprepared to be a mother - whether due to her financial situation, her age, the family support available to her (or not). With proper support, she may be able to mother her own child. It should be her choice, but not one made under duress or out of fear. Yes?  CORRECT

What are your thoughts? Is adoption of a child from foster care (or those orphaned) different than adopting a newborn? YES

Also, was adoption 'different' 40+ years ago than it is today? YES

Open vs. sealed?BOTH ARE DIFFERENT THAN 40 YRS AGO

Fewer newborns available with the stigma of being unwed minimized & women choosing to keep their child?  YES

Do these factors influence your opinions? NO If so, how? N/A

Answer 3

There's is definitely a big difference, because i was adpoted a at 11months vs my sister who was adopted right after birth. i always felt that they have a closer bound with the newborn, some parents may feel that they want to shape the child's personality and change their who the can be, but at 11 months they feel, like i was already tainted and it wasn't of their own doing.

Either way they should love the child the same. some parents make the mistake of not doing that and the child grows up knowing this and acting out, thus the parents blame it on the the months that was lost to them.  

Key

Answer 4

All children who are for adoption need caring loving homes, regardless of their age.

Now, with that being said, some people prefer to adopt babies, or the younger the better, because they feel that there will be less attachment issues.  My wife and I have adopted two babies thus far (one's now 15 years and the other is 2 months) but for us it was not as much of a choice as much as it was what we were offered by the workers.  

And I wouldn't agree with you that newborn adoptions occur because the birth mother feels unprepared to be a mother.  In both of our cases it was due to drug and alcohol issues and the children were seized by CAS.  Both of my newborns were from Foster care too.

The bottom line is, everyone has their own reasons for placing a child for adoption and/or adopting a child of any age.

Answer 5

There are many differences in adoption of newborns as opposed to foster care, that's for sure.  One of the things I feel compelled to say is that adoptive parents need to understand that children who are in foster care are there for a reason.  There has been some kind of trauma or they would not have been removed from their families  Keep that in mind as you decide to adopt.  Be prepared to provide these children with the therapy they need to heal those wounds.

The second part is about adoption of newborns.  There is nothing inherently wrong with adopting a newborn.  What is wrong is that often the mothers of these newborns are not  appropriately counselled to really be able to make a knowledgable decision.  Those who do the counselling are often the very ones who will benefit from her giving up the child.  Unless a mother is truly given real options, including how she can obtain help and support if she chooses to keep her baby, then it is unethical.  That is where the real problem lies.  When couples are so desperate to have a baby that they are willing to look the other way at these kinds of practices, it just perpetuates these unethical methods.  Adoption is like brain surgery.  It always has negative side effects.  Only if the benefits outweigh the risks should the brain surgery be done.  Only if there is no other way for a child to  survive should adoption take place.

Answer 6

I'm an adoptee...so I can really only speak from my own experience.

It is a TOTALLY FALSE belief that an infant is a "blank slate", has no history, never connected, can't miss what they never had, etc.