Do people here mainly frown on finding birth parents but not siblings?

Question

What makes one "wrong" and the other "okay"?

Are there ways to find medical history and not have to meet birth parents?

Answer 1

I think a child of Adoption is entitle to meet birth parents and siblings.........they are always curious if they look like them etc...and I don't see a problem w/an adoptee finding birth parents...my only concern is parents reaction may be hurtful...but may also be a blessing...You never know it's an adventure some must take to fill the void of the un-known...I support that.

Answer 2

I don't frown on meeting firstparents.  Meeting my firstmother was the best thing that ever happened to me as a person.  She answered all my questions.  I found a great deal of peace in finding and meeting her.  I'll say it again, best thing I ever did.

Don't worry about what other people think.  Do what is right for you.

And yes, you can find out and get you medical and never contact if that is your choice or at least it should be if open records were legal.

Good luck.

Answer 3

A very good friend of mind found her birth mother and half-sister about 2 years ago. I think it's great. It hasn't affected her relationship with her parents. It is a bit hard to follow who she referring to when she says: "My Mum" though ;-)

I think people, especially parents, simply get defensive about the idea that adoptees should want to know anything about the parents that couldn't keep them. I think that they view that as a betrayal of the adoptive parents - Which it clearly is not. It's call being human, because humans are curious. It's what make us great :-)

Answer 4

Being adopted myself, I think it's perfectly fine to seek out both.  There may have been really good reasons for the adoption.

My birth mother gave me up because she was 17 and felt I would have  a much better life in a different living situation, even though the mother of my birth father offered to raise me.  She also wanted to go to school and get a biology degree (which she did successfully!).

Depending on where you were adopted and when you may or may not be able to obtain medical history of the parents.  I was adopted in 1981 in Canada.  My parents (the people who adopted me, who are mom and dad to me) got a document that held all the medical information for both my fathers family and mothers family.  You may have to seek out your birth family to obtain this information if you or your parents did not get this data.

Answer 5

Neither one is wrong.  They are both okay.  

Why oh why is this always turned into a competition between the adoptive and bio parents?  I mean seriously.  When (if) you got married, did anyone expect you to "choose" between your parents and your in-laws?  No.  Your family simply grew larger.  

Adoptees can handle having all their family in their lives just fine, and it doesn't have to come down to a big competition or "betrayal" of any sorts.   Are you 'betraying" your old friends when you make a new friend?  NO!

And you really can't find a reliable medical history without getting it straight from the source.

Answer 6

In general I think people here are supportive of adoptees searching for their parents and siblings.

The decision to search or not is the adoptees and only they can determine if it is right or wrong.

Answer 7

never thought of either of them as being wrong. I would like to find my half-brother but can't.

Anyone know a Timmy Sturm? lol

Answer 8

Neither is wrong.

I don't have an answer for the second part of your questions except maybe check with the agency or attorney who handled the adoption.

Answer 9

Yeah, I noticed that attitude too.  Shrugs, perhaps siblings or other family members are less threatening to the APs sense of security than the burfmuggle

Honestly, people need to understand that searching adoptees like me are NOT looking for Mommies and Daddies and searching has no bearing on how we feel about our aparents or our relationship with them.  In fact it is my good adoption experience and great relationship with my aparents that makes me feel comfortable enough to search!

Great Question

Answer 10

One seems to threaten APs the other does not.

Answer 11

first of all i dont think either is wrong or right. that being said, in my opinion i would assume if someone felt that it was ok to find siblings and not bioparents then it would have to do with accountability.

the parents made the choice. they were the ones to initiate the relinquishment. the adoptees siblings did not.

as for your question about medical history, i would think you could specify the need for information, without the desire to reunite. i mean honestly, their privacy was respected for your whole life, the same respect should be given to you. if you are inquiring about background then that is what should be offered, not forced into a reunion.

but honestly i dont know if legal you can do it or not. i have no experience with that.

Answer 12

There have been a lot of things on this site (see golf question below) but I have never (ok, rarely)  seen anyone here frown on finding birth parents or siblings.  It seems there is a great deal of support for anyone looking to find any part of their origin.

Good Luck.

Answer 13

Both are fine and have nothing at all to do with one's relationship with one's adoptive family.  

As far as medical information, though.  Sure, medical information can be included in adoption records, but it's old information.  There's nothing quite like the medical information that comes from being able to ask questions AND observe withing one's family.  Neither is complete, but the latter is surely better.

As it stands, there really is no viable option for getting decent, current medical information from natural families outside of getting it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.  So, even if an adoptee doesn't want to meet his/her natural parents, some type of contact such as a letter, would yield something much better than what's in an at least 18 year old adoption file.