Do relationships like this ever work out?

Question

Please don't judge me!!

When I met my "boyfriend" everything was great until I found out he was married. I was never the type of person to date a taken man so I left it alone but he kept pushing so I continued for a little. After months of seeing each other & developing feelings things got extremely complicated. He told me he wanted to be with me & he left his wife. I didn't feel bad because his marriage with her was falling apart regardless of me being in the picture. He wants us to get a place & be together officially but trust will always be in question since he was cheating on his wife with me. Do relationships like this ever work?

Answer 1

Yeah I think finding out your boyfriend has a wife can be a big relationship killer!  Of course he'd tell you they were having problems - what would you expect him to say?

Don't waste your time with this guy - if he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you!!!  

And the Beatles were wrong, love is not all ya need.   Good luck...

Answer 2

Usually not.  People who cheat while in a long term relationship, especially one with all the formal ties of marriage tend to be thrill seekers. They love the chase for something forbidden and they love the high of attainment once the goal is achieved.  Problem is, once they are in a settled relationship and the fire of newness wears away, the soon get the itch and go after another one and so the chase ensues all again.

Also, the specter of getting caught is another thrill that compulsive cheaters can't get enough of.  These types will always leave hints for their committed partner, a pair of underwear, a phone number, many subtle "slips".  They get all caught up in not only the "catch me if you can" game, but also the back and forth of "take me back please".

The "take me back please" game goes both ways also, as he will not only play emotional tug of war with the wife/committed partner, but with the "other" side partner as well.  It feeds on a narcissistic need to be the center of everyone's emotional turmoil at all times.

In other words, most cheaters have more baggage than a three-hump pack camel.  

The relationships are dysfunctional and only "work" to the extent that the other partner is willing to suffer in their endless games.  

Answer 3

Sure they work out - for him.  

Answer 4

i think they can

Answer 5

If trust will always be in question, no.

Answer 6

If you look at all the stats on stuff like this-no the relationships very rarely work out. Of course all people are different.  But if he lied to you (or left out) about being married so he could be with you-chances are that he will continue to lie to you about other things. Even though the marriage was falling about you should still feel "bad." Even though it was falling apart doesn't give him the right to cheat either. And if he cheated on her-chances are he will cheat on you too-that is in those stats as well.

Answer 7

Sometimes but I think you will always question everything with him.  After all, he lied to you about his wife so he has already broken any trust right off the bat.  I would have ended it there regardless of his begging or whatever.  Bottom line is, he is a cheater.  Once a cheater always a cheater....It isn't a cliche for nothing, they are usually true.   Give your heart to someone worthy of it.  This guy is not, you just can't see that right now.

Answer 8

Nope.  If he cheated on her, he'll cheat on you.

Answer 9

i guess....but its going to take alot especially on ur part...bc its always going to be in a ur head....

ask ur self if u were the only one he cheated with..does he have kids that can possibly pull him back to wife? regardless of how bad it was...some people wont leaave simply bc of the kids...

Answer 10

Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.  When I met my husband he was married.  He came into the store where I worked a couple of times and we would talk, he would tell me about the problems that he and his wife was having.  Then I didn't see him for a couple of weeks.  He called me one night and told me that he had left her and wanted me to meet him so I did.  We sat in a Mister Donuts and talked and drank coffee until I had to go back to work.  I met him again that night. His ex took 2 years to give him a divorce so we lived together for 11 years, and were married 7 years ago. We haven't had any real serious problems only little spats.  The making up is always so much fun.

Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 11

I would like to think they work... It just depends on his motives; whether he truly loves you or he's using you for an excuse out of his marriage.  Make sure his feelings are sincere and I believe it will work.

Answer 12

make him get a divorce, otherwise don't be so available to him.