Do some adoptees give other adoptees a bad name?

Question

Serious qustion. Does the way some act make us all look like we are crazy???????????

Answer 1

I wouldn't worry.

The crazy Q's you put up don't make me look crazy!

So I think we're all good.

Thanks for checking though.

Answer 2

No, I think everyone knows that there are crazies on each side of the adoption issue.

I know what you mean though, like having a crazy aunt or something...you know..you're kind of related and you wonder if it reflects on you.

I don't think anyone is "crazy."  Rude, insensitive, ignorant, narrow minded, reactionary, but not crazy....and that is on all sides of the issue.

I just wish that people didn't act like an adoptees point of view is the golden ticket...the way we all feel...or that they are entitled to be mean and hateful because they are adopted.

I'm not a victim...I'm adopted.  I have no more right to be mean, rude or insulting to anyone else because of my experience.  

My birth mom sucks as a person...I don't use that as an excuse to rail on all the adoptees who are close to both parents.  I don't use it as an excuse to rail on all birth moms and think they are all awful people.

I think it is natural to want to seek out your birth parents....I did...I just didn't like what I found and moved on.

I think with an issue like this, people get intense...that makes us all a little crazy!

Answer 3

Why do some skinny people give other skinny people a bad name? You can say this about anything. The challenge for all of us is not to assume one person represents a whole group. People are individuals and should be seen as such.

Answer 4

Oh you mean like pretending to be a big movie star who's going to be appearing on Leno?

Like that?

I've seen a few looneys like that around here, fo sho.

Answer 5

As an adoptive parent when I came on here some adoptee to me were over the top.  They acted like everyone should feel the same way they do, they seem to have a lot of hatred in their heart, but I have since learned that they are dealing with their own trama.  Just because they had a bad experience or bad reunion not everyone is the same.  

What was wierd is that everyone I know personally who was adopted, all have great families.  I have two dear friends who are adopted and neither has searched or had the desire to search for their birth parents.  My grandmother is adopted, and she knew who her birthmom was but never wanted to forge a relationship.   I came on here more or less because my son is a family adoption, so different from the ones I had experience with and I was trying to figure out how to deal with the situation.

I know now that I will just continue on my path and love my son and be honest with him and when the time comes just be here for him in whatever he decides.  

But I will do my best to make sure he isn't crazy (from your questions), resentful, or confused.  He will know he is loved and he is a smart little boy, he will know he can do anything he sets his mind too.

Answer 6

just like a few bikers give us other bikers a bad name. not all warlocks are bad just a few are jerks and just because a few go nuts the rest are all labled the same.

Answer 7

I like Opedial's answer.  There are some crazy AP's and PAP's here.  Do they make me look "bad"?  And btw, it all depends on your definition of "bad".  I'm not so sure everyone agrees on your pov.  Some people might define "bad" as someone who speaks for themselves, refuses to deny their own truth, and doesn't cow to what others believe is right for them; while another's definition of "bad" might be exactly the opposite.

Answer 8

Answer is NO adoptees do not give other adoptees a bad name.

We are not a separate race you know !

QUOTE

No, but the fact that most of you go looking for your biological parents, makes me think adoption doesn't work, and i think you are all angry in some way or other. There aren't enough adoptee's saying "I'm fine, I have my parents ... I know who I am, and I don't need to look for anyone"

UNQUOTE

How the h**l can an adoptee say "i know who I am" when they CLEARLY DO NOT. When you are adopted who you ARE is immediately changed , first by the name, next by the location, sometimes even clear across the other side of the world, and then next the way you are raised, next how you look, next how you feel, next how you react

GET IT NOW ??

How can someone possibly know who they are when that was removed from them ?

Your answer makes no sense. Just another attack on adoptees

Answer 9

No, but the fact that most of you go looking for your biological parents, makes me think adoption doesn't work, and i think you are all angry in some way or other. There aren't enough adoptee's saying "I'm fine, I have my parents ... I know who I am, and I don't need to look for anyone".

Answer 10

Perhaps one can look at it that way, but this is like lumping all people who have the same first name into one category and one bad one ruins that name for the rest of us.

Whoops, wait a minute, I am one of those people who did not want a name for my kiddos based on a person or two or ten that I knew that had a name that I did not like their personality.

Human failings I guess, we categorize and associate, good or bad.

Answer 11

No--I frankly do not hold the behaviors of One or a few people of one group against all the other members of that group... If I did I would see every Boy Scout leader as a molester since I have heard that happens--Every Priest the same way.... I would see every fat person as a french-fry eating lazy person--every bad driver as a drunk--and I would think of every police officer as one on the take--and every lawyer as someone who just wants my money...

People who judge a whole group of other's based on the behaviors of a few are the people with the problem.

Answer 12

No. Granted some of us adoptee's do have more problems than others, as some babies just can't connect.. can't bond from various reasons from abuse, to neglect. Others of us, are just fine. And I completely disagree with the comment about too many of us looking up our birth parents. Most of us, look because there is questions we need answered. The hows and whys, and most importantly.. those of us adopted years and years ago, look, because we need answers to more important things, like what we have to look forward to medically, as there is SO many things that passes from parent to child. And better, do we have sisters and brothers. It's always nice to know who ur siblings are.

Answer 13

Um, no more than AP's who are seemingly crazy giving me a bad name.  Each person is individual with their own individual processes, and everyone is entitled to their feelings and to work those feelings out best they can.

Answer 14

As an adoptive parent I feel like others give me a bad name sometimes with all their fluff, happily ever after theories so I get what you mean.

Each adoptee has their own story and feelings. Yes some seem very bitter but I probably would be to if I was denied my original birth certificate.

I do think we can all learn to choose our words better and think of how others hear us.

Answer 15

Seriously, like yeah, Ted Bundy really made us look bad dude.

Answer 16

No.  And since I wasn't put on this planet to live up to your standards of conduct, I don't care.  The way some APs, PAPs, first parents, police officers, teachers, and doctors act might "make them all look bad" to me if I didn't take people as individuals.

People I meet IRL tell me I have given adoptees a good name by giving them things to think about and helping them understand what it might feel like to be adopted.  That's good enough for me.

Answer 17

I don't think so.

Do you think that if an adoptee falls in a forest that anyone will hear them?

ETA: well i've seen it all now after the answer below me. As if the goal of adoption is to REPLACE the parents. unreal.

Answer 18

No, I think each person is entitled to their own feelings. And it is not for us to decide how THEY should feel. You are perfectly happy the way your adoption turned out, not everyone is...Even if they had a great childhood, they still want more information about themselves. And they should have that right.

Why do you feel the need to make light of their feeling?

Answer 19

Some people have bad experiences and they share them but you can't judge the whole group from that.  Some people might get sick at a restaurant and never return and tell you so, but you can chose what action you take or what you believe

Answer 20

It doesn't matter what groups of people, whether by ethnicy, religion, job descriptions, area they were raised, rich, poor, adoptees, natural children, etc, there are good and bad in all.  I have seen a few adoptees in this forum that seem to hate adoption, and I have said, I wonder what their lives would have been like if raised by their natural mothers?  

Very few of the people here are crazy, but many have had life experiences that were so unpleasant their entire outlook on life is screwed up.  What a shame, and it happens to adoptees, but it also happens to typical families who give birth to their kids, and raise them in normal neighborhoods.  The worse society gets, the more bad homes that all children will be getting.  What a shame.

Answer 21

Surf Dude --

yes, some adoptees (the vocal minority) want the world to believe that we're all less than whole, pained and yearning for 'real parents'.  They've gone so far as to tell us that if we're not doing one or all of the aforementioned, then something must be wrong with us and we're in denial.  

I do know exactly who I am and I am molded by my parents.  I do not feel lost in the world, wandering around wondering who I am.  I am me and am very comfortable wtih who i am (fat or not!).  

The rather vocal adoptees on this site want the world to believe that we are damaged.  Meanwhile, those who don't really care about their adoptee status are just living life not making a point of it.

I am not damaged; i am not less than whole; i am not in denial; I know who I am.

Answer 22

The same can be said for any other group of people, because we are not a perfect people. We do and say a myriad of things that someone might perceive as crazy.

Answer 23

Only to people who are so shallow as to stick everyone who has been adopted in one category (which many people are sadly.)

Just like some people who had a bad experience with a man treat all men like they are evil.

You simply can't lump all people into one group like that.  Everyone who has been adopted has had a unique experience and that should be respected, along with their feeling about their adoption.

Answer 24

Only the axe murderers that weren't eaten by sharks.

Answer 25

ha ha ha ha ha that was great gersh ha ha ha ha

i fell... do you here me? can anybody hear me?

Answer 26

Not to anyone who has an opinion you should be concerned with. Most folks with brains, hearts & any life experience knows that everyone is different (like snowflakes!!) and that it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!

Besides, people with differences help promote dialogue like YA... and hopefully change and balance in the long run.

Answer 27

Silliness only makes the perpetrator of such silliness look bad.

Answer 28

I never knew adoptees had a "bad name".  

If that's true then why do so many people want to adopt?

The "bad name" doesn't seem to be stopping anyone.

And anyway, I'm still waiting to hear which famous adoptee celebrity you are...dude.

Answer 29

i don think so.some act does make us look crazy.