Do some aparents believe that people who "plan" their biological children are better parents than those who?

Question

Hey, no problem.....it can be a very confusing forum (especially for a newcomer like me)

Answer 1

I hope not...Technically none of my children were planned, not even my adopted child. At least he was not planned by me because I never planned on adopting. He was a Foster child and the original goal was reuniting him with his mother. This did not work out so we adopted him. It was never something we planned on doing though.  

Answer 2

I am 20 with an 11 month old. I am a great mother. If anyone disagrees I would like to know why

Answer 3

Hi Chickenfarmer,

I would hope not.

I'm an aparent and my answer would be NO.  Some of the best things in life are unplanned:)

***I'm so happy you have stuck around.

Answer 4

Frankly, I don't think this question is relevant to the adoption issue; I don't think adoptive parents are any more likely to feel one way or another about this issue and anyone else.  And, I am not sure what you are trying to prove or discover by asking it...

For the record, I believe many, if not most, children are not specifically planned.  My wife wasn't planned.  My biological children weren't planned.  Many of our friends will admit at least one of their children was a surprise.  Whether or not a child is planned isn't what is important, it is what you do once you find our your are going to have a child that matters.  When we had our kids we were hardly financially stable (we were graduate students).  However, we were in a stable marriage and had a good support system of family and friends, and so made a decision to have our family.  Many of our friends who have not adopted have very similar stories... adopting or not isn't relevant.

Answer 5

I am sure there are some people out there that think that way but if we all waited until we could afford children some of us would never have kids. Having my son makes me work harder for what we want but we are happy  

Answer 6

nobody plans there kids anymore.  whats the big deal

Answer 7

I am an AP and the answer is no

Answer 8

It's not just parents who think that.

Responsibility and forethought are appreciated by everyone.

Answer 9

I think they just feel more prepared. These are also the people who have great retirement plans, and life insurance. They are planners, people who need to have comfort in safety, with a "rainy day fund" jar and all. I think its possible that they might think they are better; but this is based on their perception that the world will fall apart if they don't start a college fund by the time the kids starts kindergarten.

But remember that even these planners have "accidents". And I don't think that they think of themselves as being worse parents just cause it wasn't planned. So they too can have a change in their outlook on those things.

Besides who's to say even if they are planned that finances won't be a problem? Peoples lives can change dramatically without warning.(lose a job, health issues arise etc.)

Answer 10

You know, I don't think that 'money' should ever determine if your a good/bad parent.  As long as you can provide the stable necessity's for your children, love them forever, discipline them properly, etc. Your a great parent!  There are a lot of Bio-parents who give up, and relinquish their rights because its 'too hard' to do what the state requires, or they have drug problems, mental/physical disabilities.  

Answer 11

No.

Answer 12

I am a mother of four kids and I have to admit not one of them was PLANNED. I feel that we do fine with what we have and we sure do appreciate things a lot more now. There are lots of people out there who PLAN for kids and well there are the ones that get beat, the ones who were planned just so that the parents could stay on assistance and not have to work, I have seen these ones and let me tell you it isn't pretty. There are times when a child isn't planned and things go sour and there are times when a child is planned and loved with all it is worth. you can't judge a book by its cover.  In the end if you are ready in your heart then you are ready to have a child the rest will follow.

Answer 13

I think "planned" pregnancies are actually less common than they appear. Conception isn't an exact enough science. Unless the parents are actively trying to conceive over a period of time, I doubt most pregnancies are entirely planned.

I think it's more just that if a couple is married or in a stable relationship, and seem to be in prosperous circumstances, whether the pregnancy is planned isn't really questioned.

Some parents are more prepared than others, but I don't think there's any direct casual link between that and whether a pregnancy was planned. Any parent has approximately nine months to prepare, regardless of the circumstances of conception, and a lot can change in 3/4 of a year. I think it would be pretty hard to argue that "planned" pregnancies lead to better parenting across the board.

Answer 14

NO.

But, I do believe that financial planning and purposefully conceiving is possibly an EASIER route than those *suprised* by an unplanned pregnancy...  but both planned and unplanned children are equally important and equally meant to be in this world.

_________________________

People who "plan" their children are not better than those who don't.  However, people who put their children first, and raise them honestly and with unconditional love ARE better than those who don't do those things.

Answer 15

I would hope that this is a stereotype that doesn't exist in the minds of many.  Many, many children are "unplanned."  Plenty of married couples have "unplanned" children.  Having a child who was "planned" is not a requirement to be a good parent, nor does it make one a better or worse parent than those whose children were "unplanned."  Both good parents and not so good parents can have children in either scenario.

Answer 16

I'm just going to sit back and watch the ignorant masses make assumptions about other peoples lives and capabilities.

C'mon now, someone tell me, again, what a sh*t parent I am.

Even if I had been older and financially stable when I had my first child it wouldn't have changed who I am as a person. Nor would it have changed my values and morals or what kind of person I am. Parenting is FAR more than providing the latest gadgets or the most tech savvy baby monitor. I parent exactly the same at 31 as I did at 21. No big difference. Anyone who knows my children will gladly tell you that I have very well behaved, polite, generous and sweet children. I am proud that my kids haven't had everything handed them, they appreciate what they do have and are considerate of those who have less. I'll take an unplanned pregnancy and being a wee bit poor over self indulgent, entitled brats and a huge house any day.  

Answer 17

Nope.

Many women are now kicking themselves for waiting until they became infertile and financial stable.

They have to use the rational of finances to get their hands on babies now.

Answer 18

Depends on the circumstance.  Unplanned teen pregnancies or pg when there are very little stable resources or stable relationship... yea, I think those people were irresponsible and could've planned their life better.  

But those in a stable relationship and fiances and always planned on children but not necessarily right *now* I think they overall were better prepared for the long term commitment of parenting.

Of course nothing is a "never" or "always".  People always can surprise you!

Answer 19

i know many people who "didn't" pencil in their family planning

who are incredible parents.

i also know people who "planned their children down to the date of ovulation" who are crappy parents.

ETA:

*deleted for explanation*

c. f....i so got your point.  and i actually saw the direct connection with the other post (which was very funny, BTW).  my qualifier of "i don't get your point" was truly to say that planning one's children (either through pregnancy or adoption) doesn't predict parenting outcome.

BTW. none of my 3 children were "planned." and i had little money with my first child. yet, i love them, they enrich my life, i enrich theirs; and i'd walk through h**l wearing a gasoline soaked bra to provide for them.

we're on the same page. sorry if i was vague.

Answer 20

There are some who think that way, but there are also those who realize you can't plan everything and unexpected surprises can be just as wonderful.  It's always good to plan ahead for a child, even if you don't know when you want to have it.  I think parents who planned ahead have an easier time because they are usually more prepared emotionally, not just financially, for parenthood.

I think it's a better route, but certainly not the only one.  They are equally as rewarding.  I think parents who didn't plan and had to make unexpected sacrifices can also have it better.

Bottom line, it depends on the people involved.  And no amount of planning ever makes you truly ready until you have to deal with it in reality.