Do some men really have a low s*x drive?

Question

I'm 23 and my fiance is 26. We are happy in every aspect of our relationship apart from the physical aspect. I have a really high s*x drive and he doesn't. I've tried to talk to him about it and he just says that he's never really been interested in s*x and it's never been a huge part of his life. I really believe him as before he met me I could tell he's never really done much or tried anything at all. From what I can gather from his family and friends, this is pretty much true. He's fine if he goes for 6 months without it, whereas I get antsy after about 2 weeks. I've really tried to talk to him about it and he just keeps saying he has no interest in it... very much at all. I've asked him whether there is something wrong with our relationship, with me, something happen to him as a child, whether he doesn't like it at all, whether he is asexual... pretty much anything I could think of for not wanting to have s*x. This is really alien to me because every man I have ever been with can't get enough and I've never been turned down until him. We used to have it in the honeymoon period of our relationship... but thinking back it really was all me instigating it. He refuses to see that there is a problem, but it really has become the elephant in the room. Our friends have realised there is a problem and even tried to get him a bit tipsy to see if it was an inhibition problem! Still nothing! I've tried talking with him regarding 'making love' versus 's*x' and he just won't have a bar of it. He sees it as the same thing and simply doesn't understand that making love can be really awesome and special. Has anyone ever experienced this and what did they do about it? Any suggestions? I'm at my wits end and the more I think about it, the more I want it! I've even half-jokingly suggested I take a lover and he looked at me like I was the worse person in the world... the lowest of low... I just don't get it... Oh and we've been together for 2 years now..

Answer 1

26 and doesnt want s*x . Theres something wroung with him . He bneeds to see a Doc. Does he wantch alot of p**n ? Is he g*y ? What do you think is his problem ?

Answer 2

It sounds like there is something going on with him.....and I think you both need to go in for counseling. Maybe it's something that can easily be remedied with meds; maybe he's g*y?

Get the name of a good therapist from your physician or gynecologist.

Lots of good luck.

Answer 3

he needs to get a physical to see of the problem is medical. you haven't told him about all your s*x life. maybe he is just turned of just knowing it. go to a nice beach if he has a s*x drive you will find out there. i know it is not a great idea but at least now you will know what the problem is. good luck.

Answer 4

Yes some men do, you have to compromise, don't take it personally if he doesn't want to, but he should also start trying to meet you a bit more.....

Answer 5

Yup! Sucks Huh!

Answer 6

He could be g*y, he could have a low s*x drive, he could be nervous about the relationship - there are lots of possibilities. Just make sure you get this issue resolved BEFORE you marry him! It sounds like it would be an unhappy marriage for you, and probably for him, too. Good luck!

Answer 7

Yes there are guys with a low s*x drive and here is how I know.

Like you, I have a very high s*x drive and my spouse has 100% lost her s*x drive. After a two year lapse of no s*x I could not handle it anymore and advertised to meet a married woman in the personals (casual encounters) on www.craigslist.com who is not interested in breaking up their marriage and also in a sexless marriage.  I was amazed at the replies I got (many sounded like you where their husbands did not have it anymore and they said that they should have known as all the signs were there earlier in their relationship).  Again, I was flabbergasted by the number of replies as well the quality of women (professional, high class and very good looking women). They were all desparate (like me) to have a little intimacy in their lives.

I won't go on with this story any longer but the message I want to send you is the fact your fiance' will not change, will never suddenly become a s*x addict and if anything, his desire to have s*x will diminish the longer you are with him.

You have some tough choices to make:

1) stay with him and probabilities will end up in a s*x less marriage

2)  Stay with him and while in a sexless marriage be looking in the personal columms for excitement.

3). Break it off now before you get any further into this relationship.

Believe me, a sexless relationship sucks (no pun intended) and gets tough to be with that person, you end up being mad amongst many other feelings.  

Wake up and smell the roses, s*x with your fiance' won't get better than you have it right now.

Google "sexless marriages" and you will be amazed at the amount of information and please do it to help you make an informed decision as what you want to do.

Answer 8

There are guys that have a low s*x drive.  Absolutely.

However, your fiance is unusual and I would suggest he go to a doctor to get a hormonal test.  This is not typical for any man or woman, to be so indifferent and uninterested in s*x to the extent that he is.

Are you sure you want to get into a committed relationship that has little to no s*x?  Many marriages end because of this.  You're already feeling the effects of it.  I don't think you were joking about the taking up a lover comment - it's a tongue in cheek comment that really spilt your true feelings about not feeling satisfied in your s*x life with him.

I took it seriously, because this is a serious issue.  You both are not compatible in this department and it will affect EVERY thing else you both share.  You'll be frustrated with him, you'll get angry with him for everything else he does do without fail, and you'll start to hate him.  

I've been through this, with my own husband.  You don't want this.  We only have been able to get through it, because we got help - and because HE wanted it too.

Your guy...I'm not so sure.

Answer 9

He may have a health issue he doesn't even know about.  Different hormonal problems could be to blame, or it could be stress or anxiety.  I could list several medical reasons for it, but I'm not a doctor, so the best thing may be to gently ask him to see a doctor.  I don't think he needs viagra, but I do think he needs to make sure his body is working ok, and his low s*x drive is not a side effect of a bigger problem.  It may turn out that he just doesn't have a high s*x drive, but I'm willing to bet that there is a medical reason for it.  Good luck!

Answer 10

maybe he is just shy about this.

i dont have much of a drive, some men dont.

try getting someone into their mood, in opposition to randomly saying it out of the blue

Answer 11

You're gonna have to make him understand and COMPROMISE to you that s*x has a high significance for you.  What does he find important in the relationship that he gets from you?  What if you didn't find that particular thing interesting and refused to do it?  How would he feel then?  He'd probably want to leave you or complain he's neglected and whatnot...well that would be the same case here.  

Plan some kind of schedule, maybe once a week, SOMETHING....granted people are different and yes men can have low s*x drives, but for everything you have to find some kind of compromise, you have to work together..which he doesn't seem to want to do.  

So unless you can invest in some vibrators or whatever, you gotta negotiate with him somehow.....OR you can MAKE him see how it feel by taking away what you give to him that makes him happy.  Whatever it is...just stop doing it...and when he confronts you about it or you see him suffering from it...then you can let him know that THAT is exactly how YOU feel when he can't supply something that makes YOU happy.  Then maybe he'll be more willing to compromise with you.

On the joking side...you can always go to realdoll.com and get a mansized real looking doll and p**a picture of his face on it :P.  It's not cheating if it's just an oversized vibrator no :P?

Answer 12

Yep

same for women.

Take your husband to the doctor. It could be hormonal or poo health.

Answer 13

s*x is a huuuge part of marriage. My husband and I have the oppositve problem..but not to that extent. I would like s*x maybe like 2x a week whereas he wants it like 2x a day. We've been together for almost 5 years (2 yrs married)...I would honestly keep trying to sort it out and get it sorted out before you marry him. The problems will only be amplified once you are married.  

Answer 14

I feel for you. My husband has a low s*x drive compared to me. All I can say is try to figure it out before you get married because marriage could make it harder for you two to have s*x and that can be hard on you confidence and stress levels and so much more...Good luck, kinda nice to know I'm not alone out there

Answer 15

It's kinda odd.  My partner is going through some serious depression at the moment, but still we have s*x maybe once a week (which is a lot less than it used to be).

You need to talk to your fiance seriously.  s*x isn't a problem in relationships unless you aren't getting any - which you aren't.  You need to sort it out before you get married.  It needs to be about compromise but you also don't want to have to beg.  

I hope you can sort it out.  :)