Do stay at home moms look down on working moms?

Question

i know there's a lot of conflict about what moms should do and not do. what are your views? i believe every mother should be able to chose what makes her happy rather it's working or staying home.

Answer 1

Moms should do whatever it takes to make ends meet. If she has the option to stay at home with the kids great, if she doesn't, there's nothing wrong with that either.

There shouldn't be an argument anymore. There a lots of single parents out there that don't have a choice.

Answer 2

Working fathers seem to look down at stay at home dads... that much I have known.

Answer 3

Hmm...April's answer indicates very little sensitivity towards women who do NOT have the option/luxury of being stay-at-home mothers.

In the real world, most women would love to be able to stay at home with their children.  Unfortunately, many women in today's society cannot afford to do that.  Their responsibilities outside the home allow them to pay bills and provide for their families.  Most women in this country are not wealthy.  Some are single or widowed.  If they don't work, their children won't be able to eat.  

My mother had to work after my parents were divorced.  She still put food on the table, sent me to school, and tried to be the best parent she could.  She couldn't always be with me, that is true...but she still did what she had to do.  That is what being a parent is all about.  We all have different circumstances in life and no one should judge until they have walked in another's shoes.  I wish she could have spent more time with me in my childhood and young adulthood, but realistically that was impossible.  

Stay at home mothers are no better than mothers who work out of necessity...or just because they want to.  Both have their own unique ways of parenting and both undoubtedly love their children.  It is offensive when some stay-at-home moms assume the worst about mothers who work outside the home, as if they aren't "real" mothers.  This comment is directed at April.  Who are you to tell people not to have children if they can't stay at home to be with them?   Some people have to work to feed and clothe their kids.  Maybe you're not one of them...you're in the minority.   Here's some advice...stick to issues that you have real experience with and knowledge of.

Answer 4

There are so many variables involved in this that nobody should be making blanket generalisations.  Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different.  

Most moms end up working at S***e jobs because they need the money and need something flexible.  "S***e job" in the Pink Collar Ghetto and "career" aren't the same thing at all (people forget this all the time).

Answer 5

I think in order to consider yourself a good mother you do what you have to do in order to ensure your childs future and safety. If you have the luxury of staying at home that is fine, but not everyone has that luxury. Bills have to be paid and food has to be put on the table, if your only goal in life is to support your child with the welfare system, then I'd say you are a very bad example for your children because your not portraying a very good role model, but if you stay at home and have other means of support it is totally different. Working mothers and stay at home moms contribute to their children, they just do it in different ways. ;-)

Answer 6

you need to be happy as an individual so if working makes you happy all be it and if staying home is your thing good for you im telling you both are hard jobs a working or stay at home mother should get  recognized more for all their effort

Answer 7

The key you're missing here is MOTHERS, not just women. Women with out children can go "conquer the world" if they want. Women with children...MOTHERS, need to be responsible to their most valuable "obligations"... their kids!

If you don't want to raise them DON'T have them! It seems so simple. Its not about being repressed, I'm not repressed, I'm responsible. And I feel that, in most cases, working moms are selfish and depriving the most important thing their kids will ever have... time with them.

Answer 8

I am in both catagories...I stay at home when I can, and love it...work when I want, and I love it.  My kids understand that I am a person, too--I enjoy feeling accomplished, and I enjoy my life outside of the home, just like they do...and I understand that they need time to have the home site to themselves, as well.  We are well aware of the expectations & needs of caring for our home place, as well as our individual growing processes.

I have 3 most awesome people as children--2 sons, 20 & 24, and a daughter, 11.  My guys are successfully on their own, living together in a great home with their own businesses, both together and apart.  My "little girl" is more attached than my boys were, but independent in caring for her end of our co-existing 'treaty'...a sweet old soul, indeed.

We should each be able to live our lifetimes as we choose...caring for the responsibilities & consequences of those choices, and making the most of the challenges we face...and to each their own.

I chose not to 'conform to the norm'...I see Parenting as a social guide to beings coming into their lifetimes thru me & my situation as their best means of accomplishing their own agendas, as they came to assist in my own.  They are free-thinkers, were shown truths, and encouraged in common sense...all to make the wisest of their free-will choice power.  The only rule in my home was "Do No Harm"--home is sanctuary--the safe place of peace and freedom & maintaining healthful body vehicles...outside, they were taught stealth within nature, and of social climates...the boys are ace marksmen & well-versed in survival techniques, my daughter will be learning archery and is herbally wise, the boys teach her what they know when the opportunities arise...all are acquiring business savvy  and social responsibility.  They Are, and I Am...unconditionally.

This perspective worked for me and mine...shared our challenges and experiences and learned from each other--still do.  Conflict of ideas reflects disrespect, I prefer to grasp the understanding of another view, take what might serve me wiser, and continue on my merry way...this is part of social stealth...this is personal growth in action.

Anyway, there's my 'view', Chickie...

Good Journey!!!

Answer 9

I don't look down to working moms,infact I think they are good women balancing their obligation as a mother ,wife and job. they are always on the phone checking their kids,babysitter,husband. If I am a mother I would stay home to take care of my kids and home,but most families can't afford one paycheck, and I'll be force to work.

Answer 10

I think every mother (especially new mothers) should choose what makes their BABIES happy first, not them. Infants need intimacy and bonding from their mother, for growth. That is probably where the contempt comes - when mothers who stay home see mothers who go back to their 9-5 job a few weeks after delivery and let the nanny take care of the child. That is just unnatural in biology, and so unfortunate for the child's development.

Answer 11

There are two types of working moms:

The moms who need to work for financial reasons: I can completely understand that. That is being very

responsible. I don't comdemn them at all and if the going gets tough, I would work! It is smarter for the mother to work to help out financially rather than be at home while their bills pile up. She isn't teaching her children responsibility if she is doing the latter.

The mom who uses work as an escape: This type of mom, I have a problem with. She uses her job to feel independent and I think that is a sign of low self-esteem. If you have to be around other people out side of your family to feel independent, you have a problem. Sometimes the career obsessed woman makes excuses for herself, trying to justify her lack of mothering skills by saying that working makes her happy. That's a BIG problem. Your family should be your pride and joy and your happiness should come naturally with them. In striving to make others happy and seeing the product of your work in your children and husband, you become happy. Truely happy!

Answer 12

I think it is something a couple needs to work out between them.  I don't look down on working mothers, but I am irrittated by the assumption that  being in an office all day is the only meaningful way to spend your time, and that being home with your children is a pointless thing to do.

I particularly get exasperated when people dismiss the women of the past as having had wasted lives because they were chiefly housewives, comments like "women weren't taught anything of value" really get on my nerves.  The complex range of skills that a housewife was expected to have throughout most of history are staggering to read about, the things a housewife had to be able to do in the pre-industrial era are absolutely astounding.  No modern woman could do half of them, or even a quarter probably.

A modern housewife doesn't have to be as multi-talented as all that, but the idea that there is nothing of value that can be done at home, and that only the workplace matters, is not a concept that I care for, but it does seem to be prevalent among modern women.

Answer 13

My mum does if it seems like a stupid desicion.

But ONLY if thats the case.

otherwise if you are rich enough why not?

Answer 14

No way, I have done both and I have total respect for both worlds.  It is all about time management and how you give to  your children.  There are tons of stay at home moms who are dead beat moms and do nothing constructive with their children leaving them in after school until the last possible minute bringing them home and dumping them in front of the tv or even worse having a nanny or babysitter pick them up!  There are tons of working moms who are terrific mom's who come home cook dinner sit down to a meal actually talk to their kids and then have family time!!!  Of course there is the reverse of this too with the stay at home moms spending the time and the working moms plopping the kids in front of the tv.  It is not about whether  you work or stay home it is about how invested you are in your kids and your family!  That is what makes me look down so to speak on a person as a mother.  On the other hand I try not to judge too quickly and offer constructive criticism and help the mom out instead.  She may not have had good role models, she may be totally overwhelmed, worn out, having a bad time, and just need some guidance and support to get her off in the right direction.  God knows we aren't any of us perfect!  I used to work, now I don't and even now there are days when I break the rules and let the kids run wild and just give in to the TV and snacks!  However that is the exception not the rule!

Edit:  I want to add that even money and having the "luxury" of staying home doesn't make you a good mom.  I know a few people who as sad as it sounds had their kids to "seal the deal" on their marriages and now they don't know what to do with them.  They take them to a drop off preschool program during the day and run around with their friends for several hours having lunch dates and shopping outings etc.  Then they chat with me about why little Kaitlinn or Abby or Seth is having these attachment or anger issues!?!?!  Anyway they were only invested in the kids until they outgrew their baby cuteness and now they are clueless as to how to be moms and my point here is money and luxury are not helping.  No time is being invested with the kids even though the time is totally available.

Edit #2:  Whoever said "Mothers should be mothers"  Mothers can be mothers whether they work or stay home.  It is HOW you spend time with your kids, what you are teaching them, how you are loving t hem that counts!  You can be there 24/7 and not be a mother...believe me I know...

Answer 15

Some do, some don't. I've seen a lot of contempt here from both sides.

Answer 16

I'm not sure about all women.  I can only speak for myself.  I was a stay at home mom for 6 years.  I never looked down on mothers that worked.  I feel like it is each individuals choice.  Although I felt strongly about my reasons for staying at home with my children until they started school, I also understand that others have just as strong reasons for working.  To each her own. :o)

Answer 17

Hopefully not.

Have had to do both, stay at home and now am a working mother.  Need to work to be able to keep our heads above water financially.

Answer 18

MOTHERS SHOULD BE MOTHERS!

Answer 19

Often times people get jealous or try to put down others who made different decisions to theirs (especially if they regret their decision).

Many working mums look up to working women, some don't. Do whatever makes you happy, since whatever you do someone will disagree with you.