Do stepfathers treat their biological children different?

Question

My husband and I have been married for about a year and he has been an amazing stepfather to my 5 year old since he was 3. Most of the people we know can't even tell that he is a step dad. We decided to have a baby recently and I am only wondering how my son will react to this and if my husband might treat his biological child different than my son. Any insight?

Answer 1

I am a step mom to a wonderful 9 year old boy. He has been in my life since he was 2. Since that time my husband and I have had two other kids. I can honestly, without a doubt tell you that I love my boy just as much and in the same was as my biological kids. Most people don't know that I am his step-mother. His biological mom is still somewhat involved with his life so we have always told him that he is lucky because he has 2 moms who love him.

Answer 2

People can say what they want, but let me tell you, there is a difference. I am a step mother to a beautiful nine year old girl. She is absolutely amazing, and I love her dearly.She is part of my husband, therefore, I feel like she is a part of me. Now, here comes the but.......But, my husband and I have two kids also. A 7 year old boy, and a 5 year old girl. As much as I love my stepdaughter, there is a deeper connection with my own two kids. I would never mistreat her, but my love for my bilogical kids and her is not the same. This doesn't mean that your husband will love your son any less than he does now, but his bond with his own child may be a little stronger than the bond he shares with your son. He sounds like a wonderful stepdad, so I  am sure that he won't treat your son any differently, but it will probably be different with his own blood. Your son will learn to adjust to the new baby after a little while. Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 3

I had a stepdad and yes he did treat me differently than his biological children. I guess he probably couldn't help it.

But I'm sure he will still love your son just the same as he does now.

Answer 4

I don't believe that he will treat ur other child differently. No doubt, he may feel a stronger bond because that child has his genes, and is his blood, but i don't think it will reflect on his previous bond with ur son, especially if he's already been a great dad 4 2 yrs. and ur son may, or may not have a sibling complex, u will need to slowly introduce him to tha thought of another child being around.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like he will.

But my skids say that their stepdad treats his kids better than he treats them. But to his defense, my skids are difficult. They are very spoiled. Mom has failed to teach them coping skills because she always gives in. I think that is where his frustration may come from. I think Mom is oblivious but she does side with him. That's a problem too.

Being a stepparent is very difficult. I wouldn't worry though because it sounds like things are going great. Cherish that.

I'm working on my situation but the thing that keeps coming up is money. I can't afford to be like their mom.

edit: I think it takes time to bond with stepchildren. Your husband has done that successfully or so it sounds. I have yet to fully bond with mine and I suspect that is what is going on with their stepdad.  They are tough. There is a wall up. It's not in my imagination. It exists. Time is what is needed. All in good time.

Answer 6

well to be honest my step dad knew me from age 1 and treated me 110% bbetter than my real dad I Love him so much and know I would not have survived my moms issues if I did not have him.he and my mom ended up divorcing but I was still his middle Moe and think of him every day,thank god for all the wonderful step fathers out there. I also have a step mom and she d doesn't even acknowledge we are family she really did steal my dad from us,but it was still his choice to treat her and his children better than me and my brother.

Answer 7

I think you'll be fine because the biological child is coming after your husband has already bonded with your child. My Dad (I don't call him my step-dad) married my Mom when I was 6 and he has always treated me like his own. We're actually a bit closer than he is with his biological daughter who is older than me (which can be a little uncomfortable if it seems like he is playing favorites - but we're both grown women in our 30s - there was never a difference when we were younger).

If your husband is already close to your child I wouldn't worry about a thing. I'm sure he'll be equally close to both of them. Your son may be a little jealous of all the attention to the baby at first, but that is normal with any sibling regardless of the genes involved. =) Best of luck!

Answer 8

If your husband is already so great with your son then I don't see that changing. It sounds like he's a good guy who doesn't view your son as a step son but more as a biological son.

I was pregnant with my twins when my husband and I started dating and we were married when they were 18 months old. We have since had two more children and my husband treats them all the same. He adopted the twins when they were 7 yrs old because they had a deadbeat dad. My twins are 13 now and my other two are 11 and 8 and I really don't think my husband ever thinks about the fact that there is a difference.

On the other hand...I had a step mother who did treat me and my older sister differently than our younger half sister who was hers and my dads. I remember growing up feeling like my dad, step mom and little sister were the happy family and me and my older sister just lived there and were an extra burden for her. They got married when I was 5 and my sister was 6. my younger half sister was born when I was 8.

I think it's different for women and men. Women bond with their kids in the womb and it is natural to have a stronger bond with a biological child where as men bond with a child once they are born so it's easier for a man to have an equal bond with a step child as with a biological child.

I think you should be open with your husband about how you feel and your concerns and praise him for how great he is with yuor son and just let him know that you hope that will never change even after the new baby comes. I am sure he will put your concerns to rest.

Answer 9

he'll have a different relationship with his biological child because your child is his eldest it seems.  some step parents really don't feel like the child's real parents.  some step parents get offended if you add in the "step" part, they're "dad" or "mom" and that's it.  it seems like that's the type of guy you have and that's wonderful.

*edit: basically it's like the whole adoption issue.  some people can love children for who they are and nothing else matters.  some people honestly can't love unless they're some sort of genetic tie, reason to love the kid, etc.  but if your husband was like that, he would've shown in it a long time ago i'm sure.

Answer 10

Stepfathers suck cuz they don't care. I hate mine. He could care less about me.