Do the fine folks of Suffolk use Antikythera mechanism to calculate their logging of nearly extinct trees?

Question

Everybody heard about the secret clear cutting of rare tree specimen in Suffolk around Rendlesham forest which has been going on since April 2008 again. Thousand of trees have disappeared in a nightly cut and run action, some believe it has something to do with a UFO encounter in the eighties and town folks interviewed about the incident shy away from questions.

read details.

http://www.ufos-aliens.co.uk/cosmicrend.html

"We're all baffled" said investigator Rupert Middleman from the Suffolk forest preserve but the crime labs point to a Highlander with a hippie woman who was last seen at the Annual British Crabbing Championship in Walberswick .

Source Reuters and BPI,BBC;FOX News

Answer 1

This whole nasty business stems for a complete misunderstanding on the part on one Suffolk resident when his significant other told him he never has "any wood" for her anymore.  This sent the Suffolkian resident into such a tizzy that he grabbed the nearest axe and started whacking away to please his lady fair.  Despite his best efforts, said lady fair still did not seem pleased.  Redoubling his efforts, he then sought out rarer woods in the hopes that this might rekindle her passions.  After several months, said Suffolkian denizen became quite insane and fixated on felling wood of the Yewish persuasion.  

Law enforcement officials have to date been unable to apprehend this midnight tree whacker.

The rest is history.

Answer 2

The Bear is scared to answer and that ain't bad.

Answer 3

The bears in his shed being a geekazoid.

I am too scared of power machines so I have an oikazoidgeek to help cut things in bits. I need help in general in fact, as the stress of so much work is rendering me useless.

Answer 4

So you believe all that baloney about Yewish trees disappearing. Well I say, Tree Schmee.