Do these lyrics sound good?..I wrote them in a so/so mood?

Question

Song: Wait and break

Cold, Im awake but asleep

the thought of you scare’s me but calm’s me

I tell myself that I will be ok and the thoughts will fade

But they keep coming back to me

I see you everyday hoping for a sign that will never come

I continue to Wait and break until I fade away

You showed me once, but I never realilzed

In my dream I see you and me, when I wake up I see you and him

And I don’t know what I can do

I tried to show you that I cared but you never saw until it was too late

The thought of failure continues to haunt me

I see you everyday hoping for a sign that will never come

I continue to Wait and break until I fade away

You showed me once, but I never realilzed

It’s far too late for me now, you have moved on

The thought of me has faded from you

I try to lie to myself and think there is something there

But I realilize there is nothing no more

I see you everyday hoping for a sign that will never come

I continue to Wait and break until I fade away

You showed me once, but I never realilzed

(repeat chorus x2)

Answer 1

thats beautiful! i love the part - In my dream I see you and me, when I wake up I see you and him

Answer 2

thats amazing....dang...

how do you write songs like that??...everytime i try and write a song it ends up a poem...and i try to change it from a poem into a song..but it never works...

can you like email me some tips??

my email is..  [e-mail]

thank you!!......thats really a great song!

Answer 3

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LIKE IT!

Answer 4

A lot of parts sound very familiar.  They sound like a song I've heard before with just a few things changed.  It's fair not great, keep working on it but be careful your inspiration isn't coming from somewhere else.

Answer 5

thats good, try not using I/me so much though

it sounds kinda weird

notice, most professional songs dont have that manny I's and me's

but i really like someof those lines

good work =)

Answer 6

horrible idea posting ur own lyrics on a site.. people steal them sadly

Answer 7

dumb of you posting them online. their aight but love songs are so aNNOYIN

Answer 8

sounds pretty cool actually and i'm pretty judgemental.  like to hear it when it gets some music to it.  and there's no apostrophe in calms.  

good job!

Answer 9

Hard to tell, because in my opinion, the music makes the song more than the lyrics.

Although, I do have a strict rule not to like any song that includes the words "me" and "you" in the same song.

By the way, what does "wait and break" mean, and what is a "so-so" mood?

Answer 10

no, poor rhyme scheme

Answer 11

It needs work in my opinion. I can't figure out what you mean by "You showed me once" It makes no sense. You need to connect your ideas more and flesh it out with more details. Figure out what ideas you want to convey to your audience. Try telling more about the story with details put us IN THE SETTING. It's a good start so far but it needs more work.  

Answer 12

add some beat and some actual music and lets see what it sounds like  

Answer 13

paradoxes are never intelligent. Try something else.

Answer 14

YES!!!! LOVE THEM! deff better than mine!

Answer 15

Good Job

Answer 16

yea definetly yes  keep at it