Do u have an embarrassing story or a super hilarious joke??

Question

Do u have an embarrassing story or a super hilarious joke??

Answer 1

Why Bill Gates decided to sell Microsoft

Letter from Sardar Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft:

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,

which I want to bring to your notice:

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Bhatinda!

So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system?

I find only 're-cycle', but I own a Vespa scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the

door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was

unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft

sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon

which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a

single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the

PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My

Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife Bebbo to know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

  

Answer 2

I dont have any but here are some REALLY embarrassing stories that made me crack up!

http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/stor...

Answer 3

A 5 year old's first job...

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little year-5 yr old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.

'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?'

The little girl replied, 'I will, if those a** holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f**kin' sheet rock.'

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

Answer 4

Sam had a gf called Elizabeth and he asked his friend for his phone number and he gave it to him. He phoned her and a butler answered and Sam said, 'May I speak with Elizabeth?' Then the butler said 'If this is a prank, HANG UP NOW!' He later found out from his friend that he phoned Queen Elizabeth II of England! It's a true story!

Another one...

There were two men who were sort of enemies, always playing pranks on each other. One time a very rich person visited their company and had lunch with them. Then Bob had an idea, he would throw his enemy's phone in the sea. So he asked him if he could use his phone for a while. He said sure and gave his mobile which was on the table. Bob then threw it into the sea and came back. But he was surprised when his enemy grinned and took out his mobile from the pocket. Then whose mobile did he throw? Then the boss said where's my mobile?...! It's again true! He had to buy him the mobile and it was very expensive!  

Answer 5

So this sleigh bell just got back from the elves shop and hes in the hyper mood for an ice cream sundae. But meanwhile santa's little reindeers have been hangin out at the North Pole Truck stop flirting with all the ladies.  So the silver sleigh bell decides, nah i wont go there ill go to Dairy queen and get  a Blizzard FOR A BUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GET IT? Blizzards in the north pole! A reindeer male is a buck!! ahahahhaah  

Answer 6

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was looking glum, and the second dog turned to him and asked, "What are you in for"?

"I'm in big trouble," he said. "My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats—he took me for a ride and I was so excited I peed on the seat, and now he's having put to sleep."

"I know how you feel," said the second dog. "My owner has a beautiful expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself...I **** all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep too."

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So what are you in here for?" they asked.

"Well," the third dog said, "my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacumming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life."

The other dogs nodded in sympathy, "So she's having you put to sleep, too, Huh?"

"No," said the other dog, "I'm having my nails clipped."

Answer 7

yeah i got caught answering YA

Answer 8

Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, "“If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I'’ll let you two off.”"

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“"I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,”" the first man says.

“"That’s great,”" the judge replies. "“What did you tell them?”"

“"I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”"

The other defendant says, “"I got 100 people to give up drugs!”"

“"One hundred! How?"” asks the judge.

“"Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your a*****e before prison…...."

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a very attractive blonde woman from Northeast Tennessee arrived. She bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down....and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

The moral to this story is, Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But ALL men are men.

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Karen had lost her husband four years prior and was having trouble moving on. Her daughter repeatedly urged her to return back to the world. Finally, Karen agreed to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter knew just the person for her.

They fell in love and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was naked.

"Why the black panties?" he asked.

She replied, "My b*****s you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knew he wasn't getting lucky that night. The following night, same scenario. There she stood with the black panties on, only now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?"

He replied "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

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There is a toothbrush company. It has three workers. When the boss comes to ask them how many toothbrushes they sold, the first worker said that he sold 500 toothbrushes. The second worker said that he sold 550 toothbrushes. The third worker said that he sold 25 toothbrushes. The boss says "Im sorry, thats not enough. Your fired." The worker asks for one more chance. The boss says "Fine, I will give you one more chance." The third worker says thank you and leaves. The next day the boss comes back to ask how many toothbrushes they sold. The first worker says that he sold 600 toothbrushes. The second worker said that he sold 750 toothbrushes. The third worker said that he sold 50 toothbrushes. The boss says "Im sorry, thats not enough. Your fired." The worker asks for one more chance. The boss says "Fine, I will give you one more chance." The next day the boss comes back to ask how many toothbrushes they sold. The first worker said that he sold 650 toothbrushes. The second worker said that he sold 800 toothbrushes. The third worker said that he sold 1000 toothbrushes. The boss says "How did you sell so many toothbrushes!" The third worker says "Well i went to the airport and put up a sign that said free brownies. When they tasted them they would say 'YUCK! This tastes like ****!' Then I would say 'It is. Want to buy a toothbrush?"