Do u know any..............?

Question

do u know any really reallly funny jokes????

if u do can u tell me???

thx:]

Answer 1

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A man fell in some mud

Wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with bubbles

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles is the man next door

Answer 2

yeah i do but i dont remember exactly how it goes but i'll lookk for it

...

it has something to do with a married man going to italy and getting sum chic pregnant

i'll go find it

Edit 1:

I FOUND IT!!!

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,

he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs

Answer 3

how do  you kill a dumb blonde?

u put a scratch and snidff syicker at the bottom of a pool

and

a blonde, a brunette, and a red head rob a bank. they run to hide in a barn and fing 3 potatoe sacks, so they go hide in them. when the police officer comes into the barn he kiks the bags to see what are in them. he kiks the red heads bag and she says meow so police officer checks the next bag and the brunette says woof woof. finally he kiks the blondes bag and she say potatoe. :D

another

there are 5 blondes and a brunette are on top of a mountain when a wind blows them off. they are only hanging on to a rope for their lives. suddenly the rope starts to break because the weight is too much. so the brunette says a long speech about how she will let go because her life is less imprtant and at the end of the speech the blondes clap.

Answer 4

A guy goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

The guy says, "Why?"

The doctor says, "So I can examine you.

Answer 5

WHY YES OK HERE IS WHAT YOU DO      FIRST YOU ASK YOUR FRIEND IF THEY WANT TO HEAR A GHOS STORY  now make sure it sounds like you said ghost story but leave out the t sound they will never catch on but you will know why now start out by telling the a long time ago in the midwest or where you are from ...there was a farmer and the farmer hired two men to help clean out the barn after the day was over the barn was clean so the farmer paid the men and took them back to town ...when the two men got to town they wanted to go into the store and buy some food for their families they got some bread and they got some milk then they went over to the meat section and got some ribs to bring home to their families when they went to the counter they had just enough money to pay for all the food the clerk smiled at them and they turned to go out the door the clerk said wait you have change and as they walked out towards the door the clerk said adios amigos now that's a ghos story but when you Tell it you sound like your telling a ghost story ....its if you want to change my joke story to  the way that you feel will bring there biggest thrill have fun with it    i also like to tell the old meat Slater house way so the time they get the meat that could be seen to the jokers that it is scary  you get it  

Answer 6

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in

charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning

against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning

against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy.Oh yeah

he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He

seems to be doing ok now..... I guess." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy??

You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?"

The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not?? Look at him over there!

Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!....."

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the

pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some

discussion, he finally bought a centipede (a 100-legged bug) that came in a little white box which served as the bug's house.

He took his purchase home, found a good location for the box, and decided he

would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the

centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will

have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again,

"How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was

no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask

him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house

and shouting, "HEY IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO CHURCH WITH ME AND LEARN

ABOUT THE LORD?"

And a little voice came out of the box.........

"I heard you the first time.......I'm putting my shoes on!"

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal

king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step

of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.

So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king

then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt

without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was

killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained

the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...

and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked,

"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied,

"i couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with watermelons."

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

s*x: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb s**y blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

This was an actual job application to work at McDonald's.

Answer 7

hehe...  okay this joke isnt exactly correct, i dont know what dumb @$$ made it up, but here it goes... (if its a nun school there wouldnt be boys now would there?)

sally wasnt exactly the best student at nun school, she would allways fall asleep when the sister was talking. one day, sister janice was at the front of the class room asking questions... she pointed at sally  and asked "sally, who is our lord and savior?" the boy behind her, billy, noticed she was asleep and took his pencil and poked her with the sharp side, in the backside. "jesus christ!" screamed sally and sister janice said "very good" pretty soon after, sally was back asleep... sister janice, again, asked another question "sally, who created everything in 7 days?" billy, again, pked her with his pencil in the butt... "god allmighty!" she screamed again "wonderful!" exclaimed sister janice. class was allmost over, and once again, sally was asleep. "sally, what did eve tell adam after thier 26th child was born?" asked sister janice. billy poked her one last time in the backside, this time even harder than before. "if you shove that thing into me one more time, ill break it off!" screamed sally. the nun fainted.