Do u like my poem?

Question

What's beyond the surface? What's bottled up inside? Pain, fear and love is bottled up inside all of us. We are afraid, we fear each other because we hurt in many ways, we don't want to trust, we fear rejection. We fear what we cannot reach is too far to grasp. We fear we are not good enough for anyone or anything, we are afraid of ourself. We have pain, in many ways. More than one usually. Pain is not hard to come by, anything can bring you pain, you have to deal with it. Pain can be anything, but what you choose to let out is only a fraction of the pain we keep frothing under the bubbly surface. Love is bottled in tight, we don;t like to love because it is hard. We have to trust and rid the pain to let the love fill us. We all are like bottles waiting to be emptied out so we can share and face the world. I am a bottle slowly pouring my contents down the drain. Letting them fade with the memory, so slowly the pain and the memories meander down the stream. The lies awaken, and we start anew afresh on the dawn, a new person reborn. Forgetting all the fears and becoming a new, a NEW PERSON. Feeling life again through new wings, and feeling the glee. Yes, a NEW PERSON.

Answer 1

yep.

it's true. =]

Answer 2

It's too literal. Where are the metaphors? The symbols? The color, the art? It sucks.

Answer 3

i like it :)

Answer 4

Yeah, I absolutely love it. Deep, but awesome :] keep it up.

Answer 5

Amazing.

Answer 6

it doesn't really seem like a poem

Answer 7

As a poem I do not like.

The paragraphing is just not right.

The words are thick, and phrases tight.

Of the point, I lost not sight.

What one wonders

is why ye wrote a philosophy

like this.

A shorter stanza would be a fix.

All you have to do is take a risk,

Maybe then I would have liked,

reading this as a poem instead.

I don't understand the hype,

maybe you should stop stressing out a bit.

I love the point,

but I don't think you know what the difference is,

between a poem,

and a prose,

like this.

Full of words that spoke to me.

Very deep,

but your poetic skills are still,

in infancy.

You write like a master,

but your poetry knowledge is lame.

Learn the rules,

before you step into the game,

or your poems will be disasters.

(Sorry. lol. Just finished reading like fifty Shakespeare sonnets, had to vent.)

Answer 8

no i don't like your poem

Answer 9

if i was depressed i would like it, but it sounds just like every emo song out there today.

Answer 10

Yes, very emo, but poetry is a personal thing anyway :)

Don't worry so much about what other people think. You obviously like it or you wouldn't have posted it. And that's all that matters.

*I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself*

Answer 11

Awee! Yeah, it's cuuuute. (:

Answer 12

Darling this is beautiful! you have some raw talent their .. look deep into this poem writing thing .. x

Answer 13

Actualy not bad. Keep up the good work.

Answer 14

yes that is an amazing poem! it sounds like something they would say in a depression medication commercail (no offense) I liked it!

Answer 15

i think this piece is really deep. i like it, its really true.

you seem to have alot of feelings inside you, & writing is your way to let your feelings flow out... i think its amazing, keep writing!!

One thing though... to make it seem more like a poem, you should structure it differently, like putting the poems in verses & paragraphs to make it easier for ppl to read & for you to write,

:) As always, Good luck & hope you keep writing!!

Answer 16

im not a fan of poettry but that was pretty good

Answer 17

yeah its great:)

i myself prefer ones that rhyme however you have a lot of emotion in your writting, and anyone who says you cant write is just jealous:)

your really good lol, keep it up you could get somewhere with it

Answer 18

it is nice

Answer 19

It doesn't seem like a poem it actually seems like an essay on honesty or trust, the last portion has the resemblance of a poem.

"We all are like bottles waiting to be emptied out so we can share and face the world. I am a bottle slowly pouring my contents down the drain. Letting them fade with the memory, so slowly the pain and the memories meander down the stream. The lies awaken, and we start anew afresh on the dawn, a new person reborn. Forgetting all the fears and becoming a new, a NEW PERSON. Feeling life again through new wings, and feeling the glee. Yes, a NEW PERSON."

I like this portion and I think the symbolic content is great, good job keep it up.

Answer 20

Not bad.  Keep writing!

Answer 21

I ♥ It. =].

It's not really a poem, but it rocks. It's very true. And sweet. It's REAL life. It's not some fake c**p some people try to get away with. =].

Love it.

=].

Answer 22

it has been thought about carefulli and i like it.

Answer 23

You are talented

Answer 24

i think this poem is very good. and recently i had anouther peom publushed and i think u shouol go to the website  and submit urs. its called ------www.poetry.com-------

Answer 25

I think you need to structure it differently or word it differently or something.

Because it doesn't sound like a poem, it just sounds like a normal paragraph of speech.

It's a good idea and you've got the right concept, just need to work a bit on the words.

Answer 26

Enraging

Answer 27

Its really great

Just a thought-

Instead of using a NEW PERSON why dont you use NEW SOUL