Do unwed biological fathers have to consent to give a baby up for adoption?

Question

I did a horrid thing... I was having an affair with a married man (I'm married too).... I am now pregnant as a result of my ignorance... I was considering giving the baby up for adoption... The question that I am asking is... If I want to give this baby up for adoption and go through a private agency.... Will I need this mans consent to do so?... I wont consider abortion... This baby will make some family really happy.

Answer 1

I'm confused...how is it your child's fault that you had an affair?  Why do you feel your child should be exiled to live with strangers because you messed up?  Do you know what it feels like to be unwanted, to know that you were shoved aside because you weren't "convenient"?  Well, let me tell you, it sucks a**.  I'm not trying to be mean.  But at this point, it's not about you any more.  There's a child involved.  Your JOB is to do what's best for this child.  I'm pretty sure that throwing your kid away isn't the best thing for him or her.  Oh yeah, and it's not your baby's JOB to "make some family really happy".  Your baby shouldn't have to do anything but just be a frikin baby.  That's a whole lotta pressure to put in a tiny little kid, to be someone's bandaid for infertility (or whatever reason they adopted).  Oh yeah, and, if you DO  decide that your kid must be sent away, the LEAST you could do would be to get the father's permission, and medical records, family history, and anything else that child might one day want to know, before sending him/her off to a life of fixing otrhers problems.

Answer 2

The baby is considered to be your husbands even if you are not living together at the time.  Your husband has to give consent to the baby However to be fair and right the bio dad should know about the child and be given a chance to raise him or her. He may choose to tell his wife for the sake of his child and  your feeling of shame  should not out way the childs well being.  

If he does not want it either then you need to convince your husband to give the baby up also or lie and say you don't know who the dad is which i don't think is the way to go  

Answer 3

You both have to sign your rights away.

Answer 4

If you are married your husband is the legal father of the child.

Answer 5

I'm pretty sure you need his consent too because you know who the father is.

Answer 6

it depends on the state as there are different laws... you could ask the adoption agency or lawyer in your state

but yes, the father has a right to know and raise the child is he wants, the child has the right to know who his biological father is, and oddly if you are upfront the wife of the other guy probably could be left out of the picture again (but you should be a real woman and tell her what you did to her and her family)  

All he'd have to do in post states is show up at the lawyers office.. and in some show up a court one time...

Answer 7

Yeah - but what about how the baby will feel when he/she grows up??

This child may well wish to know where his/her eyes come from - who in the family shares the same traits and talents.

If you don't put down who the father is - the child will never know (unfair for the child) - and if you don't allow the father to have the option to parent - it's unfair on the father - and again on the child;

Children are not gifts. This child deserves to grow up with the family that he/she is born to - first and foremost - for better emotional and psych well being - and sense of self.

Adoptees eventually grow up - and many adoptees have a hard time finding out eventually that they were conceived and born at a wrong time - and they were given away.

To the child - that can equate to them feeling 'wrong'.

Ultimately - you are the mother - you get to make most of the choices.

Make sure you know your rights - and please be very aware of the rights of this child - and really - the child depends on you to uphold those rights.

Adoptees don't stay little forever.

They grow - they question - they want to know why.

I hope you can parent - as this child didn't make the mistakes - you did that on your own. Please don't make this child pay for the mistakes that you made.

The father needs to know - and needs to have a say.

On behalf of your unborn child - I thank you for at least considering all the possibilities.

Adoption is a very long term solution - to an often short term problem.

Here's some facts about adoption that you really need to know -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I wish you are your baby all the best.

Answer 8

Elodie Duck is correct! If you are married then legally your husband is the father. My friend was going through this, she was separated but not divorced. In the meantime she ended up pregnant, then broke up with the baby's daddy before the baby was born. So by law the baby's daddy had no right to the baby, but her ex husband did. (b/c the baby was born right before the divorce went through, don't get me wrong, the baby's daddy could have went to court and fought for a DNA test and all that, but he didn't) I think it's really awesome that you aren't taking the easy way out choosing abortion.  

Answer 9

Yes and No.

My story the sperm who made me has never seen me, he didnt want to when i was born.

So thats when my mum met my dad when i was a few months old. On my origional birth certificut it just said my mums name n father unknown as he wasnt there to put his name down and the mum cant just put it down with out him being there.

When i was 7 my dad adopted me, it took us about a yr coz the adoption people had to track down the sperm who made me but they couldnt find him. So as they had gve it there best shot at finding him and couldnt my dad could officialy adopt me.

But its differs for u coz as ur married its automaticaly ur husbands child as everyone would asume...

But before u put your child up for adoption think about the man u had an affair with,at least let him know.

as biga mistake u hav made ur hearts in the rite place, and yes a loving family who could not hav children wuld love ur child if u didnt want them

Answer 10

yes the father has to give permission and he has the right to know

just because you dont want the baby it doesnt mean that he doesnt  

and if he is willing to bring the child up then he should be able to

wouldnt you rather a child be with its father then strangers

and if you are going through the pregnancy  obviously your husband knows about the affair or is gong to pretty soon so maybe you should discuss it with all involved

but definatly let the father have a say

Answer 11

What an unbelievable indiviual you are!!!!

Talk about doing whats best for you without worrying about the consiquences!!! does your husband even know you cheated on him??? does he know ur pregnant???

If your gonna f.u.c.k. this baby's life up by giving it away... you might as well wrap it in a blanket and leave on the doorstep of the man who got you pregnant. At least this way he/she might know half of his parents.

Probably a good thing that you intend to not keep the child in your care.... what kind of values will you teach it?? That its ok to be deceitful and turn your back on your responsibilites when the going gets tough????

some people dont deserve to be pregnant.

Answer 12

in most states yes, if the father wants to keep the child but has now been allowed to sign the affidavit agreeing he is the father than he has to prove paternity by requesting a paternity test which he has to pay for him self. then prove file for custody and prove to the court why he feels he should keep his child. so to sum it up yes you need his concent. talk to your adoption agency they will know the laws for your state.

Answer 13

WOW @ the naivety of prospective birth mothers.

Try talking to some women who were in your situation and then went through mother/child separation.

People are more open on the Internet,

and I can tell you that I'd rather have all of my limbs ripped off before losing a child to adoption again.

A Juno film this ain't.

If you CANNOT keep an illegitimate child,

and you are in the very early stages of pregnancy then

(having gone through both)

I can assure you that an induced miscarriage will be far less detrimental to every one's mental health.

If you look past the pro life/religious propaganda to real fetal development you may be very relived to find that in the first month or two, us humans are not much more baby/person like than a bug.

You may still have a choice.

Please look into all options thoroughly,

this is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.