Question:

Do we as AP's spoil children more than bio parents or same amount?

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I ask this in all honesty as I have heard this that maybe we try so hard at beginning. I say this as we are building a playroom for the kids, husband is so excited, I mean three at once! So as we are building this with puppet theatres craft etc. etc. I wonder if we are going overboard, or if all parents get this wild with stuff.

I also wonder if getting three at ages 4,5,6 have anythig more to do with it than an infant becuase we just need more stuff, and kids come with more discerning tastes when they are older.

What I am looking for is people's personal experiences. PLease no digs just excited and wanted to see if others went through similiar overboardness. (not a word but you know what I mean)

Cheers,

jenn

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  1. In the beginning we tend too...but don't all parents?

    We also have a playroom/classroom here at home...in actuality it is a sunroom off of the kitchen that originally served as a matter on convenience. Now we find it a matter of necessity.

    I think this is a good question but I believe that most American kids are spolied.....biological or adopted.

    Consider that our great-grandparents were thankful to get such exotic fruits like oranges in their christmas stockings.

    And getting a new pair of shoes and a dress was a big deal.

    We are a throw away society because we can always buy another. I can tell you one of dds favorite things is playing with a refrigerator box to it falls a part......now how about that!


  2. So far, for us, it has been exactly the opposite.  We have no idea what we'll need, so we haven't gotten anything but the necessities.  We also have no idea if we'll be bringing home one or two, their ages, genders, etc.  It'll be interesting to see the scramble before we bring them home!  Especially since we're poor!

  3. Toys are literally spilling into the hallways around here even though I only buy them at xmas and birthdays. I can't stop everyone else from buying them things now can I? Kids get bored of toys so fast that many go unused, so about once a month I gather up the ones they really don't seem to like anymore and donate them to local charities. I also rotate their toys using huge rubermaid totes, I swap them out weekly and store the unused ones in the basement. That way every Sunday brings "new" toys to play with and old favorites to rediscover.

    I really don't think this is an adoption thing or a wealth thing either. My son was just as spoiled rotten when I was raising him at 17. I think it is a society thing, we seem to think that more is better and quantity eqauls quality.

    The one thing raising my kids has taught me is that no toy is more welcome or loved than Mom and Dad. No amount of material goods will ever be as fun as a song with Mommy or dancing on Daddy's toes.

  4. Most parents cherish their children. If you were to look at the entire population as a whole, adoptive kids probably get more 'stuff' because in order to adopt you need to make a certain amount of money, where as a lot of kids are born into poverty and recieve less 'stuff'. I don't know if spoiling a kid with stuff makes them more loved or not though. A single mom with a biological child who is living in poverty can love her child just as much.

    It is normal to be excited and go overboard with toys and games and clothes for a new child! Don't forget to have a baby shower. Just because the kids are older doesn't mean they aren't new to the family. You deserve a shower!

    Congrats on your three new kids! How exciting :)

  5. I can't say it's an AP thing, but this past week I started to realize just how spoiled my kids are. If I could go back I would do thing differently. They don't appreciate any toy they get, they just expect to get a new one after it brakes. When I walk in the door with a bag, the assume it's for them (until now they were right).

    From this week on, I'm limiting what I buy for them. There are 100 better way to spend the $ I spent on their toys and clothes they didn't need. They'll get new toys on their b-days or from the $1 store.

    I do think the playroom is a good idea. Not just for them but for you too. Also I think it's easier for them to wind down at bedtime if the toys are in another room. Keep some cozy thing in the bedroom and all the noise makers in the playroom.

    OH yea!!!!, I'm excited about you becoming a mom Congrats to all of you. I expressed this to the wrong person the other day, I looked at the avatar, and assumed it was you. Oops. Keeping siblings together gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

  6. I don't think that I spoil my son because he's adopted.  I do feel he is benefitting in a "materialistic" way, by being an ONLY child, though.

  7. Spoil your children with your time and attention...not things.

  8. I'm not an ap, but I think having gone thru the pain of being a birthmom makes me cherish my other 4 children all that much more. I admit I spoil them, and I love doing it.

    This year all 4 of the kids are getting new bikes for easter. I'm excited about it. We've never been in the position that any of the kids could have a brand new bike, and this year, I can afford it... and I'm probably 100% more excited than they could be.

    I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Kids deserve being spoiled to a point, and hey, it can be fun for us adults to do it for them.

    Enjoy your new additions, knock yourself out preparing for them.

  9. I think I may have "indulged" my child  a bit but I don't think it has anything to do with adoption. Nor has it done any harm.

    I have friends with bio children who do the same thing and others who don't. I think it's just the differences in parenting.

    And yes, lets talk about your kids! (from another answer). Congratulations. You build that playroom any way you like!

  10. I think all new parents spoil the heck out of their kids.  Its a normal part of parents.  You'll cut down on the spoiling eventually.  For now enjoy spoiling them like theres no tomorrow!

    Congrats on your three children.  Its wonderful news and i'm very happy for you!  What an amazing time for your family!  Wishing your family all the best.

    I have a 10,9, &8 yr old.  If you need any advice, email me anytime.

  11. Lol......... Ok Im not an AP but figured Id answer this one anyway from a different perspective.  I only have one child (biological) she's the only survivor from six pregnancies.  The decision to spoil her was one we made deliberately after we lost her little brother at 22 weeks gestation, we decided to give her his life as well.  Understand, she isnt spoilt rotten but theres very little that she wants without getting.  As an adoptee I can tell you that I wasnt spoilt.  I think it has more to do with the number of kids you have not just wether or not theyre adopted, I was my parents 4th child, they simply couldnt have afforded to buy me the things that I can buy for my daughter.

  12. I was just thinking about this the other day and don't agree....

    At least not in my case.... My older children showed me the error of my ways about spoiling--or at least about over compensating... As a YOUNG--Poor mother I do believe I gave the older (bios) more junk and more latitude than I have with the little (adopted) ones...

    Maybe it was just because I had no idea that my son would be sucked into the Nintendo when he got the first one ever...Maybe it was because I felt bad that in most areas of life the older ones had to learn to go without so much that I gave more then I had to give....

    I have tried to be careful to NOT spoil the little ones, because this time around I really could...

    I have the same standards, same values, same rules... I have the same expectations but this time around I don't want to try and buy their forgiveness....

    But, I also believe that there is only one time in life that a person can be spoiled.

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