Do women expect unattractive guys to know their place and be happy with it?

Question

girls seem to have this serious obsession with tellling a guy he's ugly or implying it if that's what they think. it's almost like a reflex. or like it's somehow their duty to make sure only people they find attractive think of themselves as s**y. it infuriates me that there are even a lot of grown women who are still like this.

but at the same time, women are always saying they want guys who are "confident" and they would look down on any guy who shows that he is hurt or depressed because of body image issues(as do other men). honestly, i would never talk about my feelings of inadequacy because of my looks in real life, because nobody would respect me.

so i don't get it. girls always take it upon themselves to make it perfectly clear to a guy that he is ugly, but don't want guys letting it affect them? so what, do they expect guys to be OK with the fact that they are physically unappealing??? how many of these women do you think would be ok with that???

Answer 1

kinda sounds like teeny-bopper stuff; are these adult, mature women you're referring to - or girls?  If girls, it comes with the territory; if more mature women, then you need to start looking for company in different settings.  Speaking for myself, I would value a man who was secure enough within himself to show emotions.  I can't stand these macho guys who deny being human and act like they think they're supposed to act by some unwritten rules written eons ago.

I can also admit that when young, I wouldn't date the 'nice guys' but I'm sure kicking myself in my butt because of not being mature or wise enough to open my mind and give them a chance.  Like most people, I had a picture in my mind of the type of guy I would spend time with and not until years later did I experience the best relationship of my life with someone I had no intention of dating a second time.  Just hang in there, you'll get what you deserve.

Answer 2

I've always been under the impression, that's what men did.

Answer 3

Uh...yeah.  Physically unattractive people of both genders are expected to "know their place" and not approach people who are "out of their league".  

This happens to women too.  My sophomore year of college, there was a very fat, unattractive girl who was always flirting with, and falling for, very attractive guys.  She would also often behave in a way that only attractive women generally behave in...being overly flirtatious, and acting as though she were pretty.  She was ridiculed by most people who knew about this.  

Additionally, an average or attractive woman can get away with wearing any outfits that she wants.  But when a fat or unattractive woman wears the same outfit, she is made fun of.  For example, overweight women at the beach.  

Here's another example:  Some friends of mine were playing a strip poker game, and there was an unattractive girl there who did not look good naked.  Anyway, at some point during the game, this girl was topless, and she made a sort of announcement: "This will be the last time that Bill and Devin see me naked" (Bill and Devin were two of the guys there, and they had had one-night stands with her previously), as if seeing her naked was some kind of privilege.  Everyone laughed about this later, because obviously none of them wanted to see her naked.  

My point is, unattractive people of BOTH genders are expected to "know their place".  Attractive men and women of both genders can get away with so many things that unattractive people can't.  For example, if a person is attractive, people will say that he/she "speaks his/her mind" or "tells it like it is".  If the person is unattractive, people say he/she is "loud", "opinionated", "obnoxious", "shrill", etc.  A positive slant is given to attractive people in nearly all situations.  

So yeah, society does expect unattractive people to realize that they are unattractive and act accordingly.  Such persons can either be okay with it or not, but the expectations will still be there, and there may be negative consequences for not conforming to these expectations (i.e. an unattractive man might be ridiculed for asking out a very pretty woman, an unattractive woman might be ridiculed for wearing a bikini at the beach).  I'm not saying that this is right, but this is, unfortunately, how it is.

Answer 4

absolutely

Answer 5

Arty, go **** yourself, again.

Answer 6

not all girls do that,only the rich spoiled brats who are also shallow(and femenist do it too),

for me it's better if a woman tells me the truth in my face instead of her talking behind my back and tell others how cute or ugly I am.

Answer 7

what ever guys are shallow too i was told recently by a guy that i was ugly in a chat room u know what i said i said thank u cause i could care less what people thinks there entitled too there oppinion and if i let the worlds oppinion of me in fact me i would ******* miserable if u like me great if u dont what ever i wont cry over it

Answer 8

I don't know any women who think they are good-looking and I don't know any who would tell a guy about his level of attractiveness.  They might avoid the guy if they weren't interested, but not say anything.  

But I appreciate your side of it.  Thanks for sharing.

Answer 9

No, I expect attractive guys to know their place. Just because they are vain and think they are gods gift, they are still idiots.

Answer 10

You know what's so funny about that is when you look at all those ugly guys with money seem to have all the hot chicks so you need to make sure you get a good education and by the time your high school reunion comes around you'll be the guy they all want to be with. It all works out in the end.

Answer 11

Well I got lost in the massive amount of information so instead I think I'll just state my personal opinion that comes to mind. I wouldn't expect that at all, to me looks certainly mean nothing I'd actually prefer that the world be blind so that they could realize what some people actually have to offer without the standards people these days have seem to enveloped themselves into. If a guy can put aside the fact that they may not look like some fake male model or what society claims to be the certain appeal a man should have, and be happy with them self then that to me makes a perfect guy. Too many people claim they only look for personality but most truly don't believe it themselves, its a pity what the media and society can make women or men believe these days.

Answer 12

Well, a lot of women (and people) are hypocrites! Plain and simple.

But you can't do much about OTHER people can you? You can only fix YOURSELF. So I suggest you get your self-esteem issues worked out. Looks are not the only source of self-esteem for a man. If you're really that ugly, then find other areas of life to become successful in that will give you confidence.

You can only fix yourself because the world ain't gonna change just because YOU don't like it.

TRUTH

Answer 13

You are going thru a lot of pain right now.  We can all be shallow, both women and men.  But I know what you are saying.  And yes, women often seem like the social police or something!  :D

There are some women who will love you for you.  But it's mostly about security.  The older a man gets, the more important the money issue becomes.  Have you ever heard of a bachelor doctor who was "ugly?"  Nope...he's called eligible and there is a line of women waiting for him.

The best tactic is for you to become friends first.

However you do this, via becoming a volunteer, going to night school etc, you will have to "get out there" and show off your great heart and personality!

Once after I was hurt by a breakup (right before college) I started a friendship with a girl in my photography class.  We went out on projects together, snapping pictures for class.  

Eventually after a year of knowing her, we both fell for each other.  After our first wonderful kiss, she told me she wanted to be exclusive  and I wasn't ready for that. So I told her and that was that.  She got married right after college.  

First become a friend.  Then one of these lovely creatures (called girls/women) will fall for you.

Sucks but that's another law of the jungle.

Best of luck!

Answer 14

You are hanging around some incredibly puerile, shallow, empty,soulless, and calous individuals. The girls who do that are like that to girls, boys, the elderely , the disabled. They are not nice people. Do not take it personally. Find new people

Answer 15

*smack forehead with hand* doh!

you are obsessssssssseeeeedddddd, and are going to give everyone in the GWS section migraines with this. There's more to life than looks, Hero and I truly believe it is not your looks that are keeping girls away, but your insecurity that shines through, no matter how much you think you are confident, you are not fooling anybody. Women can see through it and I guarentee it's other non-physical attributes of you that compound with this and are a good part of why women are supposedly not being attracted to you and such.

Answer 16

I've seen the type of behaviour you're referring to and I think it's incredibly immature.  In any case, beauty is in the eye of the beholder!  They shouldn't say that you're ugly; the most they should say is that they lack the facility to find you attractive.

If some girls don't have the depth of character to appreciate your looks, or to be polite to you, then they're probably superficial and dull.  Find a decent woman to talk to!

Answer 17

I only noticed women are open about a guy being ugly when he's a jerk to her, or if she's younger, and still into the popular social crowds in high school and what not.

I honestly think it's the way you approach women, because it's true that women are attracted to confident men, regardless of the looks, and most of the time when women don't find a mans physical appearance appealing, they usually brush them off without insulting the guy.

Here's a few suggestions for you:

Hit the gym, read some books, gain some self confidence, instead of fishing for sympathy like you always do on here. You'll never gain self confidence from pity, but from hard work, and investing into yourself overall as a person.

Answer 18

I have never ever had a woman, girl or otherwise tell me that I'm ugly. Who the h**l do you talk to that does this? I don't know ANY woman who has an obsession with telling a guy he's ugly.

She might imply that she's not interested but that's completely different than ugly.

What's in your mind is usually portrayed in how you carry yourself, so you probably don't have to say a word about how you think you look because your body language is saying it for you.

I don't think this is true at all. Seems to me you have an inferiority complex and you blame others for your lack of self-esteem. No one can change that but you, buddy. Believe me, I know.