Do women have the right to 'have it all'?

Question

Juggling a career and parenthood is something that is extremely difficult for women and virtually unheard of in men http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2005/nov/27/gender.observerpolitics

So why do feminists act as if its discrimination when 'having it all' is something that the average woman can't manage?

Answer 1

Let's shift the perspective on this ---if men can have a family life and a successful career why can't women?

Sangre y Leche nailed it... if both partners are actively caring for children and the home then both CAN manage to have successful careers as well.  What we have now, is that men are accustomed to having the woman be primarily responsible for children and household chores and some of them are reluctant to put more of their energy into domestic duties in order to enable the woman to give appropriate attention to her career.

Maybe they don't intend to limit her choices or sabotage her career aspirations, but by maintaining the status quo, that is the result.

I'm not saying a woman has a right to force her partner into this arrangement -- it is something that a couple needs to discuss and agree upon in order to make it work.   And it's not for everyone.  Traditionalists have the right to revel in their gender roles if that's what works for them.

Answer 2

Alot of women make it work. Its not impossible to work and care for your family. Its not the easiest thing but it can be done, and has been done.

And "unheard of in men" what does that mean exactly? That men can only work and provide money but not love and care for his children and be a loving father?

Why must there be a choice between the two?

Answer 3

yeah they are rediculous.

Answer 4

The thing is, that if parenthood and doing the household is really shared between two partners, then both can have a career and a life with the kids.

In reality, it's still mostly the woman who does the household. If she then also has a job, it gets a bit much!

Anyway, feminism shouldn't be about proving to the world that you 'can have it all'.

It is all about equal rights.

If a woman wants to stay at home for the children, this is still a feminist move, because this is what she wants. Many women have wrong feelings about that, they feel that they are only counting as a 'modern feminist woman' when they have a career. If she chooses to have a carreer, and he does as well, then both partners should find a way to do so. Preferably before having children.

Equality is the feminist keyword, in partnership.

Answer 5

I don't think it's discrimination to want the choice of having it all, but you are right about that managing part. People are more stressed about stuff than ever, especially with the economy - milk at $4 a gallon, gas $4 to $6 a gallon depending on where you live.

I think women want the option of having it all, without necessarily having to take it all.  

Answer 6

I guess, due to my upbringing I find it quite repugnant that fathers who are away earing an income for the family are considered less loving and caring than mothers.  My family always held the view that my dad was being just as much a parent as my mother, because money needed to be made to raise my brother and I

Feminism hasdemonised the working man, as has modern concepts of parent (read:mother)hood.  Men are considered selfish for working away from their kids, and if it is not that we are put down for robbing women of their rightful choice of career or child.  Men don't really get that choice: mostly, if we do not provide, we are labelled with that dreadful American epithet "deadbeat dad".  Leave options are not there for us, and neither is any form of child-care.

Stay at home men cop it too: they are g*y, weak, unmanly, disrespectful because the make the woman work and so on.  Any stay at home dad I know gets his butt kicked if he expects his wife to help with domestic duties when she gets home.  ost such arrangements see both parents working in fairly short order to make ends meet anyway.

Really, this whole situation is borne in the feminist lie to girls: "you can have it all!" with the unwrittem codex that men must enable this wide range of choices according soley to the woman's desires.  Men get whatever options are left over.  Boys are told in school to not be sexist and to make it a reality that girls can have it all.  Boys are not given the same choices in effect because men cannot get the same sort pof parenting leave in most situations.

I believe very strongly that feminism should spend a lot less time banging on about female rights and talk some common sense: not everyone has the same choices, be you male or female, because choices are dictated by factors other than gender, for the most part.  Men are locked, due to expectations from women as much as from men, into the breadwinner role.  Any woman stuck in this role will admit it is not a carefree maner of life any more that child rearing is.  If what women want is the right to decide: worker or carer, then they should realise something: such a demand is unreasonable and especially given men do not have the same choice.

Good Q bro!

Answer 7

I don't want it all i'd just love to work, go to college and look after my daughter, as i hate the idea of borrowing money from my bf cos he's the one working, (its not called borrowing to him, its sharing)

Answer 8

It's the furthest thing from discrimination that there is. So, which means that having it all is not what it's all cracked up to be.  

Answer 9

yes. i dont think the average woman cant manage that.

Answer 10

what do you mean its unheard of for men to juggle childcare and work? my husband gets flexible hours and time off so he can be with our daughter. its easy to work and raise a family if you work together. my husband cooks, cleans, cares for our daughter. he did night feeds and made it easy for me to go back to work when my daughter was 3 months.

my daughter is lucky because she gets loadsof time withher dad and mum. Its equal parenting and my dad did the same.  

Answer 11

Women can have it all, but I think a larger number of women are realizing that they can not have it all at once.

So some have babies young and then do the career thing.

Others have careers then babies.

But I guess it depends on what some one thinks "all" of it is.  

Answer 12

Having it all is not a right for anyone, female or male. We have the right to things like free speech, freedom of religion, the right to be safe from bodily harm, that kind of thing. But "having it all" is not a right. We can want it, and we can shoot for it all we want. But it isn't a right. Society does not owe it to us, and should not have to cater to us and make it possible for everyone to have it all. If you can, good for you. If not, oh well. Learn to make the most of what you've got.

Answer 13

Nobody's entitled to have it all.  If women want to try and juggle family and work responsibilities then they are certainly free to do that.  There's no reason to choose one over the other.  While I am all for full equality of the sexes, I do have to say that some feminists get too carried away with themselves and will always see themselves as somehow persecuted or put down.  These folks have problems.  I am NOT saying that all feminists or all women feel this way.

Answer 14

I think everyone does.

Answer 15

To push the idea that an average person is entitled to " have it all" is absurd, but with complete control of their reproductive systems, victim status even when wrong, the upper hand in family law and this ever expanding set of special laws and privileges, it looks like they are giving it their best shot.

As we have discussed in a previous question, it now looks like there is no choice but to "do it all".

How oppressive is that?

Interestingly, we seem to be getting a government study that dispels the wage gap conspiracy theory....

"However, the trend raises difficult questions for the government about how to help women step on and off the career throttle when they need to, without sacrificing their financial prospects. Women still earn around 13.2 per cent less than men, and research to be published by the government's Women and Work Commission in January is expected to show that much of the gap is due to women's career choices - if all women were working at the level of which they were capable, it is estimated that the national economic output would rise by £25 billion."

...which begs the question, are feminists the most influential conspiracy theorists in modern history?  LOL

Answer 16

Life is about pleasure and enjoyment as much as toiling the live long day. We have the liberty in Western society to avail and luxuriate in our leisurely society.It is not mandatory for us to have it all as having it all is too dam n much..Anyone that wants it all I think has some self esteem deficit and have an inexorable need to compete with others and for others to validate them. A woman can only handle so much and lead a fulfilling life too. It becomes slave labour. Women have the right to have it all of course but what does that realistically entail? Having it all is a fabulous veneer for the reality of drudgery, labour and to nullify ones personhood to become an ever toiling automaton

Answer 17

The notion is foolish from the start.

It's quite some trick to convince someone that working to live is a positive thing.  Last I checked, not having to work is far better.

But hey, to whoever convinced all these women that working is somehow needed to be successful in life....  well done, well done.  Due to such trickery, it really is now more necessary since the economy has adjusted to the higher supply of labor.

Answer 18

I don't want 'it all' .... just what I need. I don't need it all.

Answer 19

It's virtually unheard of because the popularity of the idea of men having an equal hand on domestic duties is less than sixty years old. Besides, you're the one who always states that a woman with children should avoid trying to develop a career.