Do you Love your Adoptive Parents?

Question

People here keep saying that to express anger at the adoption system you must hate your adoptive parents

Is that true?

(I adore my adoptive parents btw)

Answer 1

I love my a'parents AND I want to see adoption reformed.  I love my country AND I want the Bill of Rights restored.  When I was married I loved my husband AND I sometimes still got angry with him.  DUH.

It's not complicated.  Why do some people refuse to understand?

Answer 2

People want to believe that adoption is sunshine and roses.  Someone who speaks out against adoption must have had a bad experience.  If they didn't have a bad experience, then it might mean something was actually wrong with adoption.  Since most people don't want to believe that, they infer that the adoptee must have been mistreated.

So those people who claim you (or I) had a bad experience, are actually the ones who hate our adoptive parents.  Like you, I love my adoptive parents and get pretty sick of the insults heaped upon them by people here who feel the need to maintain the MYTH that adoption is win-win-win.  

Our past is part of who we are.  If our adoptive parents love us, then they ought to accept that past as well as the person they helped make us.  As Possum said, I have four parents (more actually, since my in-laws have been parents to me, too).  Despite the nay-sayers, I am actually capable of loving more than two people in the world.

Answer 3

Yes, I love them very much.  What I don't love, is being adopted.  

My parents have been and still are very, very good parents and they have done all they could to help me throughout my life.  

However, all their love and help couldn't take away the pain of being adopted, being abandoned by my bmother,  the confusion of not ever quite knowing where I come from, who I look like, and why I just wasn't good enough for my first mother to keep.

So, yes I love my adoptive parents, but being an adoptee sucks.  I see questions from adoptive parents all the time asking, "What can we do to prevent my child feeling like that?"  I never answer, because I honestly don't know.  I think that for some adoptees it's just part of the package of being adopted.  You can love them a lot, but they'll always have the baggage that was handed to them the moment they were born and they were taken from their bmother, before they ever arrived in their adoptive families.

Answer 4

Absolutely!  They've been gone almost 20 years but yes, i love them dearly!

I feel horrible for the adoptive parents of people on this site that refer to adoptive parents as greedy, baby snatchers, infertiles and other derogatory terms and adjetives though.

ETA:::: I agree with Joslin.  It's very obvious the purpose of all your questions -- stoke the fire, blow on the embers and just keep it coming with both barrells.   You refer to the people you love so much as "infertiles", they were part of this horrible adoption system so they must be as bad as all these other AP's that you speak so lowly of.  And then you ask this question?  You are extremely insulting to adoptees, AP's and others.

Answer 5

I'll be honest.

No I don't love my adoptive parents. I will always care about them, but I hate them for what they did to me as a child. I'm not saying adoptive parents are bad, I'm saying that mine were.

All my life growing up I was continously put down. Made to feel I was a horrible person that nothing I could do would ever be right or ok. They constantly took me to psychologists. They claimed I was a mental case & should be locked away. No matter how many of the doctors said I was normal, they'd take me onto another one. At 11 years old they had me placed into a behavioural modification group home. After 4 months they declared me to be "normal" in every way, and that I was taking a bed away from someone that they could actually help. They still refused to bring me home, so I was placed in a foster home where I stayed until I was 17 & finished high school, at which time I had to grow up fast and start living on my own.

At 21 I found my birth mother (I know know that I'll never find my birth father) It's been ten years. I finally have a mother. Someone that is everything a mom should be. Loving, accepting... everything. It's the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced.

My adoptive parents messed me up pretty good. Looking back I can see it wasn't me, it was them. I'll probably always suffer from low self esteem from what they put me through. Some people just shouldnt be allowed to adopt.

Answer 6

I had alot of anger towards my adoptive parents when I was a teenager. Mostly because they hid the fact that I was adopted and I found out on my own. I felt my whole life was a lie.

However, in time I got over the anger and resentment. My adoptive mother and I never got along well, it was just a personality clash.

However, I did love my adoptive parents very much. My adoptive father passed away in 1995. My adoptive mother passed away last March. She had lung cancer and I gave up everything and moved from another state to live with her and care for her in her last 3 months of life. I kept her at home instead of a hospital (hospice is awesome). Her biological daughter and I were at her bedside when she passed quietly in her own home (btw, her biological daughter did NOTHING to help with her care until the last week of her life)

Oh and I have a relationship with my biological mom and I love her too (my bio dad passed away when I was a baby)

Answer 7

The love and relationship between me and my adoptive parents is the same as any other family with biological children. People are so ignorant when they think that my adoptive parents don't love me or don't treat me the same way.

Answer 8

i love them very dearly and they are my real parents to me

Answer 9

My boyfriend hated his adoptive parents! But, that is probably because they abused him. At one point, he had to run away! Now, he is back in fourth in Foster care and with other families. So, it is probably best to love them. Especially becuase they are taking care of you and buying you stuff and loving you unconditionally. And...no one like the adoption system! (:

Answer 10

Of course I do.

Answer 11

I love all of my parents.

I have 4.

2 bio and 2 adoptive (in no particular order).

I love them dearly.

(and all of them are very real to me)

I can't stand the adoption industry.

Answer 12

Yep, love my parents.  Don't love the biological ones as I do not know them, nor care to.

Answer 13

my adoptive parents ARE my parents.  they are everything to me.  without them i would be nothing.  i love them more then anything in this world, well besides my son.  i don't know why anyone would say they hate their adoptive parents.

Answer 14

I hated my adoptive parents when I was a teenager -- just like most teenagers hate their parents.  Then I grew up.  My parents are flawed and imperfect, just like everybody else.  I love them, but I don't always like them.  They're my family -- I think everybody feels that way about their families at some time or another.  The system too, is flawed in some ways.  I think it's improved over the years, but there is always room for more improvement.  I don't think that you "must" hate your parents to be able to see flaws in the system.

Answer 15

Yes i do love my adopted parents  & I agree with you 100% .

I was adopted on 2/2/1985 when i wa s2 years old.

I am very happy & sad that i was adopted  because 1. I have very nice adopted parents  That is why I am happy & 2. I was never  able to grow up with my birth cousins.  That is why I am sad.

You ask if i ever want to see my birth family ever agian here is my answer I really don't know if i want  to.

Answer 16

I loved my adoptive parents. Though now deceased, they were my Mom and Dad.

I hate the adoption system that quashed my parental rights and gave my 3 year-old daughter to reward a hardworking fostercare provider.

I guess my story's pretty unique. For over 40 years I knew only one side, but there are two sides to the adoption system, and I unfortunately have come to know both.

Sad but true.

Answer 17

I do.  I don't like my adoptive father, but neither does anyone else in the family (including extended family.)  He treats people very, very poorly, including his own family (my mother, brother and me.)  But, at the end of the day would I be there if he needed someone?  Yes, of course, as there is still love there.

Some people know that this Sunday is the 3rd anniversary of my adoptive mother's death.  It would also be her 75th birthday if she were alive.  I miss her so much and this is a hard time for me.   Don't dare question my love for my mother simply because I don't approve of many of the practices and laws that exist regarding the adoption industry itself.

I also love my first family.  I don't understand why this seems to threaten some people, but honestly it's no one else's business how others view and handle their own relationships.  It's no one else's business what I call the members of my first family and it's no one else's business what type of relationship I have with them.  Just because I'm adopted, I need not justify my various relationships and the status of each of them.

Answer 18

My adoptive parents were my Grandparents and yes I love them more than I will ever love my real parents thats for sure

Answer 19

My parents are not the adoption industry.

Love my parents, hate the "industry" part of adoption.

Answer 20

i love my mom and dad. they had to deal with a lot from me. i was a verrrry bad child.

i dont know what i would do without them

Answer 21

No.....we dont think you hate your adoptive parents, we just wish you wouldnt refer to bio parents being "real" parents! Its a stupid word to discribe you PAST.

We think that you only see the bad side of adoption, when there is a good side.

You couldnt possibly love your parents, that would be awfull.

Never bite the hand who feeds you.

Answer 22

Of course!  I love them very much.  They raised me & gave me all the love they could possibly give to any child.  They often went without in order to give ME nicer clothes, or so I could wear the latest thing.  Silly but I guess that's just what good parents do.  They taught me right from wrong, to love deeply, to cherish people, and to believe in myself.  I love them dearly.  

I've never said that expressing anger at the adoption system means you hate your a-parents.  That's just silly.

Answer 23

Anyone that took the chance and owning a child that is not their own blood deserves to be loved