Do you agree kids are ruder these days, and if so, what can be done about it?

Question

Kids these days talk back, challenge authority and

swear on the playground. Experts blame it on parenting flaws, but is this rudeness really new or just kids being kids? Tell us what you think.

Tween Talk: Why is my kid so rude?

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/articles/parenting/tvo/4000

It's just a phase, should I ignore it?

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/articles/parenting/rogers-todaysparent/behaviour_and_development-phased_and_confused_kids_and_their_quirks

Get the facts on everything etiquette

http://ca.dir.yahoo.com/Society_and_Culture/Etiquette/

Answer 1

I agree that it has a lot to do with parenting. If you watch shows such as Supernanny, it's evident that these days parents are more interested in working and taking time for themselves and become lazy with parenting, sometimes threatening punishments and not following through or not being persistent enough. Of COURSE your child is going to try to resist punishment, which is why you can't give up and have to show him/her that you will not back down, or else behavior problems will just worsen. Also, discipline needs to start very early or it'll be even tougher to enforce it. You can't just never punish a child and then all of a sudden at the age of, say, 6, try a time-out and expect it to work. It needs to start early and it needs to be consistent! If you're not going to put in the effort to properly raise a child, then don't have one!

Answer 2

Personally I envsion people having to prove to the government or some ruling authority they are a capable of raising kids. It may seem like a strange notion but there are too many bozos out there that should not be allowed to have children. Seriously. I doubt if it would ever come to that extreme but how about a "parents quailification" program where people are made socially responsible for the children they bring into this world.  I would agree the level of social ettiquette amongst kids and teenagers is rapidly declining  where uncouth personnalities, rude conduct and unacceptable social behavour is treated with indifference and little if any effort is made to correct the conduct of the kids and youth involved. I would not hestitate to spank them when appropriate and discipline them without remorse. Also keep your children away from any children who influence your children in certain negative manners. Yep...all about parenting. If you seriously can not raise children by way of the standard guide lines practised for thousands of years then do everyone else a favour and curb your enthusiasm concerning having more kids and raising kids if you can not be bothered to do it with integrity.

Answer 3

I think kids have always "talked back, and sworn on the playground", and I think it's right and proper to "challenge authority". That said, I frequently find kids gratuitously, pointlessly and aimlessly obnoxious. And these qualities are brought to bear on absolute strangers, which is especially bizarre.

The blame? My guess is spoiling, coddling, over-protective, incompetent parenting, and over-saturation in media and technology. I know that if I lived the way many kids do these days, constantly "wired", texting, in front of the computer, playing video games -- in other words, constantly stimulated, with no time for "quiet reflection" -- I would be physically ill. This makes me think that, even if they're not aware of it, this lifestyle is having an adverse effect on them as well, making them irritable and discontent, which in turn leads them to act out in apparently pointles ways.

What I find most distressing is just the look in their eyes -- a look of entitled, arrogant vacancy. It's both frightening and saddening.

I feel bad for them, really; there's no way they can know, but the more cluttered their lives are with luxuries, they less they have of what actually matters.

And all this stuff about how "everything bad is good for you", well, I'm sure there's truth to that. But it hardly matters how quick and nimble you are, or how advanced your problem solving skills are, if you're an empty shell.

Answer 4

Yes kids are ruder these days.  The influence they are subjected to is not the same as it was twenty years ago.  Now we have more violent shows and games and there are no programs that are enjoyable family shows any more unless your child is a toddler.  Parents are too busy with work and such to pay attention or supervise what the kids are doing and rely on others to teach and raise them.  Parents also are not leading by example with road rage in cars with kids and threatening to cause damage to others while the kids are present and not talking to them about consequences or making them accept responsibility for the wrongs that they have done instead the parents just pay the price and the kid keeps on doing the same thing.  Games lead the kids to believe that it is okay to car jack, rob, and cause damage to others.  Most kids have no boundaries and no sense of responsibility they have the attitude that every one owes them and that it is never their fault when they do wrong.

Answer 5

You do realize that you are blaming everyone but the children. You people are all being extremely judgemental, and placing no blame on the child. I have amazing parents, who weren't to easy going, but were not tyrants. I was taught manners and yet i was still rude as a child. Children pick it up from other children, tv, or even something as little as something they see someone else do just once. You can't always blame the parents. Although some parents are to blame, some do everything they can yet they still have bratty children. Its a wonder you people don't glow, you think so highly of yourselves and your parenting skills.

Answer 6

Yes infact, kids are ruder these days. This is because of several factors, such as the Tv Programs that are on these days. Some of the programs for *Kids* on family channel, ytv, and so on clearly contain much more mature content then kids are ready to handle, I recently come in contact with a kid whos about 10, watching a show called family guy. THAT show should be rated R. Also, The music culture has some tremendous effects on a kids behaviour. The rapping society raps about illicit and unmentionable topics, things that kids are listening to now days frequently. Therefore, parents should attempt to block out all these different sources. Set a block on any channels that your kids watch, which contains mature content. Sit down once in a while with your child and watch wat he or she watches, then decide whether or not the channel features safe content. As for music, not much you can do, go with the trend, or promote other more tasteful music.

Answer 7

Ruder then when exactly?  What point in time are we comparing this "level of rudeness" too?  Has anyone noticed that adults are rude too?  I should say, in general, I encounter more rude adults than children.  Some of the seniors I've met, who supposedly grew up with strict discipline and parents who were not their friends (that nasty nasty new epidemic!), are astonishingly rude.  I'm in my late twenties and my parents were not strict (I didn't even have a curfew) and I grew up a polite child and remain a person who holds open doors and says thank you.  I'm also a person who can think for herself and question the validity of the social evil du jour.  I agree doormat parents aren't good but I've seen the effects of hard-*** parenting and it can be pretty bad too.

Answer 8

Yes, they are ruder, but the parents are also ruder, so it's no surprise. The other thing I've noticed is that if you march a kid home for misbehaving nowadays, the parents are more likely to charge you, the adult,  with false imprisonment than they are to call their kids onto the carpet about their poor behavior.

I believe this all stems from the "self esteem" movement in parenting, where discipline is seen as destructive to self expression and crushes a child's spirit. I happen to believe that children can thrive and flourish with *proper* discipline, guidance and expectation/goal setting. I just believe it's easier for parents to cop out, use the "I don't want to crush their spirit" card and do nothing.

Answer 9

Kids are ruder these days. Yes, some of it may be because of bad parenting, but not all. Unfortunately theres a point in all kids lives when they will make their own decision no matter what their parents say. Some kids would just choose to not listen to their parents. Maybe because they know that they're right and they would rather make the wrong decision, or maybe lack of knowledge. Lack of understanding is where the bad parenting comes in. But sometimes a kid just wants to make the wrong decision. Not because he doesn't know that everything his parents said is right and what hes doing is wrong, not because he doesn't understand what can happen, because he wants to 'try it' anyway. I believe the main reasons for kids being worse these days is because everything around them is deteriorating also. It's not just the kids that are getting worse its all that we see. They wouldn't be able to just come up with these horrible life styles and trends to follow if it wasn't put right in front of them. And just a while ago there wasn't that option. But now, you can do or be anything you want to be, even if it's morally wrong.

Answer 10

Without a doubt.  It seems that the model of permissive parenting and an emphasis on ‘buying one's satisfaction’ has implanted the sense of entitlement that is being witnesses.  In keeping with child psychology models, I feel ‘authoritative’ (not to be confused with authoritarian) models of leadership are lacking...we’ve become  much more self-centered society and they learn that.  Leadership models that use love/support mixed with a fair sense of discipline (and not always giving kids what they want) work. I feel that kids actually resent it inside when adults don’t bother to challenge them to a higher standard and encourage self respect and respect others.  They may whine when they don’t get what they want, but their irritation would only grow with their increasing large list of things they want to fill void…one more genuinely filled by the effort of taking the time to teach love and respect.  It’s more fulfilling for them ultimately...unlike the latest thing to buy could ever be.  So if kids are rude, it’s because we've taught them that...because maybe we're all so busy to take the time to give them what they need.

Answer 11

I really do think kids these days are ruder and lazier.  They sit and play violent rude crass video games and watch programs like "Trailer Park Boys" and think its the in thing to treat themselves and others like garbage.  I blame it on poor parenting due to both parents having to work to make a living, I blame it on school boards and the ministry of education for adopting the no kid left behind motto and forgetting about making people accountable for their actions and actually having to work to pass into the next grade. I blame it on the media for continually presenting more and more violent programming and actually commending and publicizing garbage TV like Trailer Park boys, south park and the Simpson's to name a few.

Answer 12

I absolutely agree that kids are ruder these days and I blame it directly on parenting flaws.  In my opinion, it's not about lack of discipline.  Discipline should occur when a serious problem arises, but these things like talking back, challenging authority and swearing are a direct result of a lack of basic value and moral training. As a parent, you have a responsibilty to teach the children proper ethics. There's only one underlying flaw in todays parenting and it's that parents have forgotten that they have to teach respect.  Respect for self and for others.  It's not difficult to see why this has happened in our society.  It's a dog eat dog world and everyone is out for themselves.  I've seen deplorable behavior in adults.  Whether it's in the workplace, driving, at the grocery line...people have less and less tolerance and respect for each other.  What do you suppose our children see?  And how can we fix it? We have to understand ourselves and make concious efforts to step back and treat others with dignity no matter how difficult the circumstance is.  Maybe then, we can start teaching our children.

Answer 13

What's happening is because of that weired law what gives too much power to the "children's aid society". I agree to investigate  child abuse - there where is a REAL abuse - but by a GOVERNMENT agency like Police - NOT by a PRIVATE BUSINESS like this "children's aid society". They are a PRIVATE BUSINESS and of coarse - they want to increase their business - by abusing parents and distorting the truth about grounding children. CAS works closely with pediatricians, psychologists and others - doing "business" together. That for those "child abuse" statistics increase each year. Because ALL are in business. If the Government wants a REAL situation, they should deal directly by those abuses by a Government agency not those "child business societies".

Normally, parents wants the best for their children, but when children are coming back from school with bad habits or bad ideas you can't do anything because they are taught there - at the school - by those "child aid workers" - that children have to report their parents (!!) So, this is the result of a "smart" law put in place by so called "experts". We were kids too and grow up without "experts". But now - the "experts" produce "Kids who talk back, challenge authority and swear on the playground". Psychology is like chemical drugs - have "side effects".

Answer 14

My husband is a teacher and he constantly comes home from work summarizing his days with at least 3 stories of students not only being rude to each other, but also to him.

When I asked him why he thought this happened, he mentioned what most people have already said in their responses: lack of discipline from parents!!!

Parents who work full time are too occupied with their careers that they forget, or don't care about raising their kids the right way. This lack of guidance gives their children the right to do, say, and think whatever they want which consequently spills over at school. And no matter how many detentions or suspensions are given, the students continue their terrible behavior.

What's worse is that the parents of these kids refuse to acknowledge these faults and lay the blame elsewhere (i.e a teacher or going through growing pains) My husband has many a time conducted parent-teacher interviews where he has been identified as the problem, and not his students.

While it may be the case that some kids do indeed have discipline issues at  certain ages, from first hand experience from meeting both students and their parents, my husband can strongly attribute their negative relations to poor and lazy parenting skills.

Answer 15

Speaking as a 15 year old, I don't think kids are any worse now than any other time period. There has always been swearing on the playground and disregard for authority in any decade. I feel that due to the media and advances in technology, we are exposed to our youth more than ever.

There are always going to be inapropriate actions by children. If we want to place blame on anyone, it would be the media (music industry bad parenting. Kids will do what kids do.

Also, I feel most kids are better behaved than the media would have us believe. For every "out of control" child, there are 2 that obey the rules. I find their are many more courteous people than rude people in my school. This seems to be the case of stereotyping the whole youth demographic from the actions of a select few group of children.

Answer 16

I don't believe kids are ruder, but kids are smarter. More and more media availability allows kids to access more information that was once inaccessible to youth, without direct parental involvement.

Money is a huge factor! Parents have to work many hours just to make ends meat, and it is difficult to place children in constructive after school programs when the government won't provide them. Kids need structure, and they need their questions answered constructively. Kids are not just kids anymore, but highly intelligent youth who have the ability to learn about anything they want via the Internet. An open market for information creates kids who think they know everything, so to combat this complex society needs to encourage organized events, so children use their intelligence positively. Maybe even consider lowering the employment age, so kids can find jobs, but safe jobs. It is not necessarily the parents fault, but the parents need to start pushing for change, so their children can express themselves, or at least keep themselves occupied.

Answer 17

Yes I agree that kids these days are much ruder and disrespectful. I believe it comes down to a couple things when a childs behavious is in the worng. It is society, media, tv, and yes, bad parenting. Adults need to take more responsibility for these kids that they bring into the world, yet they want other people to raise them, like schools, day cares, and baby-sitters. It is sad to see society go down like this because these children are our future leaders, and it is quite scary to think of how they will lead our country. Parents also need to take into account what they're child is watching, doing, and hanging out with. When I grew up, my parents kept on eye of everything that I did as a young kid and tried to steer me away from the stuff and people who were not good for me, and I am extremely grateful for that, but parents these days are just concerned with making money and making sure that their kids have everything in the world.

I think that  children these days should be brought up with not just with manners, but with self-respect, self-esteem, and etiquette. Sadly, the only way things are giong to change is if parents step up to the plate, stop being friends with their children, and take back the authority that they gave to the kids.

Answer 18

For people who blame shows like Family Guy, you should also blame parenting -- if you yourself enjoy the show but think it's bad for your children, don't let them watch it! I hate how many adults simply blame television when it's up to the parents to discern between what's appropriate and inappropriate for their children to watch.

I grew up watching The Simpsons, and I turned out fine. I didn't spend from 7 onward cursing my parents just because of a television show.

It's not like kids are born rude, they learn it. If parents aren't going to stand up and teach their children manners at a young age, they'll grow up thinking rudeness is normal.

I'm 25, and kids 10 years my junior never say "excuse me" in a crowd, "please" or "thank you". They let the door close behind them without even checking if someone is behind them. However, adults can be just as bad.

I usually give people the benefit of a doubt, but if I'm out somewhere and there are a bunch of teenagers, I don't expect them to be polite at all.

You can teach your kids to be polite and have manners without resorting to spanking or hitting them. It's called common courtesy, and today's society needs a definite injection, stat!!!

Answer 19

Authority deserves to be challenged. It's alarming to see all the oppressive and cynical views in many of the responses here. It's ageism, plain and simple. Maybe children are "acting out" because they're not treated as equals and have to be coerced into behaving a certain way in which we deem acceptable. But what about the childs needs? In order for authority to  be legitimate it must justify itself, and in many cases of parenting, it doesn't. Ordering children to mold them in a way we see fit is not justifiable as it does not take into account the needs of children and they grow up by internalizing these values.

Perhaps parents should be focusing more on communicating with their children and employing more love and empathy rather than the wonderful authoritarian measures so many of you advocate (any of the measures advocating violence against children are simply disgusting). I highly recommend the works of Alfie Kohn in regards to unconditional parenting

Answer 20

I definitely agree, however it also can be attributed to the laws of today, and yes they are for the most part good but it lets kids get away with murder.

Kids today are a lot more rude, and obnoxious. I believe that the main reason for this the fact that they know they can get away with almost anything without any real consequences. When i was a kid and that wasn't to long ago, I'm only 28, I knew that if I hit or used foul language directed at an adult that I was going to get into serious trouble, kids now think that they can hit and swear at adults and get away with it because there is no fear of being dragged home to their parents or police to be punished because if an adult grabbed the kid and brought them to their parents or the police the child would end up having the adult thrown into jail for assaulting a minor, and the kids know this.

Answer 21

Yes, many children are ruder these days then when I was growing up. Unfortunately, a lot of power has been taken away from parents trying to teach their children right from wrong. Children in kindergarten are told that their parents can't do this or that to them...ground them, take privileges away, time outs, etc...no I'm not even talking about giving them a spanking/corporal punishment. A lot of parents have given up because of feeling powerless, and things get worse.  Ultimately it all comes back to the blaming the parents, especially from people that don't have children of their own, or have raised their kids in a time where you could punish them.  Kids live what they learn as well. If they see parents who are kind and polite, they will tend to be kind and polite themselves. If they see bullying, ignorance and rude behaviour from the adults around them (including teachers, and other in authority roles) they will think that that is how to behave.

Answer 22

Kids ARE ruder these days due to these factors:

1)They  hear rude language/ tone constantly from other kids and on TV and think it's normal.

2)Lack of good parenting.  Many parents (including myself at times) allow their kids to talk in rude tones and don't take offence to certain words that we never would have been allowed to say as kids.

3)Kids are given control over the parents.  Parents are no longer allowed to discipline their kids (and I don't mean violently) as they see fit.  Children know at a young age, that they can complain to anyone in authority, and undermine the parent.  I agree, with the necessity of organizations to help children who are being abused but for example, when did it become o.k. for the courts to get involved over a parent's decision to cancel their child's school trip as a punishment for their behavior.   The children now control the parents.

Answer 23

It's not surprising that kids are ruder these days.  Parents aren't allowed to discipline properly due to laws and the children are taught this in school.  Parents should be on the hook for instilling proper respectful behavior and self discipline in their children, this needs to happen before they are 5 yrs old - once they are in school there is a whole new influence - teachers can't be expected to provide this knowledge.  Parents need to pay attention to behavior and respond immediately - not ignore the issue.  Part of the problem maybe that parents aren't playing and participating in activities with the kids - the T.V and other gaming media ect are doing the babysitting instead.  In the end parents are responsible for how the kids turn out and ensuring they are on the right road into adulthood.

Answer 24

I do think kids are more rude and disrespectful these days.  I blame it on parenting.  Awhile back, there was that huge "movement" where parents suddenly decided it was better to be a child's friend than a child's parent.  That's where it all started going downhill in my opinion.  Parents are too scared and/or lazy to be PARENTS these days.

I was at Chuck E Cheese and a couple random kids came up to me and said, "We want some tokens.  Give me some of yours."  I responded, "I'm sorry, but no."  One of the younger children (maybe 7 at the oldest) proceeded to call me the "B" word.  I was appalled.  They continued to run around the entire restaurant begging from people and cursing.while their "parents" sat a table drinking sodas and not paying a bit of attention to them.  Its clear that those kids learned that behavior from somewhere.  I wasn't upset with the child, I was upset with the parents.  I approached them and explained what happened and let them know that I didn't appreciate the language being used in front of my young children.  The mother replied, "Well, I'm sure my son called you a ***** because you were acting like *****." and returned to her soda.  My words would have fallen on deaf ears, so I simply walked away.  It wasn't worth my time.  You can't do anything about people like that.

Answer 25

Children (kids are actually young goats) copy what they see and hear.   Sadly, even the number of young adults who are rude has gone up significantly.

While there are many causes to point to, the media, peer groups, video games etc., I still feel that effective parenting can have a positive impact in helping children learn what is acceptable behaviour, and what is not.  But effective parenting requires time and patience, something that most working couples in our new, consumer-driven world are sadly short of.   However, I have friends that in spite of full work schedules and a busy life, take their parenting responsibilities seriously and have successfully managed to instill good manners in their children, whether they be teens or younger.

While there are exceptions to any rule, generally children will be what they are taught to be.  Absentee parents will end up with children raised by others, whether that's the day care, the schools, other children or the television and the computer.  Rude parents will usually end up with rude children.  But parents who go the extra mile to at least try and raise their children to be good citizens, will more often than not, succeed.

Answer 26

I agree with this statement.  However, I mainly believe that it is attributed to outside influences.  I think that parents can teach their children, but ultimately, peer pressure prevails.

When I first began high school, I remember fearing the older kids.  Respect was shown to those older than you, it was something that was just expected.  However, when I was a senior in high school, the same respect was not given.  The younger generation did not fear anything.  They talked back, made rude comments, etc.  I think the main reason is that they weren't afraid.  It's a certain boldness that travels on from one clique to another.  Teens influence other teens and it just spreads... an exponential trend.

On some level however, it goes back to the parents.  A main argument of mine is the recognition of "indigo children".  Some psychologists believe in such a concept, and that indigo children are at a peak.  In my opinion, it just seems that this pinpoints children with a certain attitude.  With encouragement, this sense of pride will never diminish.

Answer 27

There is absolutely no question that kids IN GENERAL are much less respectful of authority or their elders.  I say IN GENERAL as there are still many children who are raised to act according to the "golden rule."  Why is it that children who are raised in low-income neighborhoods and in high-income neighborhoods ( I live in a low-income neighborhood and my parents live in a high-income neighborhood) are usually the ones who are the most disrespectful, rude, arrogant, little "douchebags" that I have ever encountered?  If I were to behave this way when I were young (I am now 41) I would have been given several "backhands," a good whack with a wooden spoon, and even a "good whipping" with a sturdy leather belt.  I would have been grounded for a week to boot....without having video games, computers and electronic "babysitters" to benefit from.  Why is it that children nowadays can't be disciplined like children were thirty years ago?  

I like the old saying, and I'll be darned if I can recall who penned it...."when a child misbehaves, slap the parent."

Answer 28

Having had ample opportunity to observe and assess children ranging in age from 12 through adolesence to age 18, I have come to the conclusion they are not only ruder these days, but also much more badly behaved than previous generations of humans in this age category. It is my opinion that much of the blame has to be focused on parenting and moreover on those parents who delude themselve into thinking "I want to be my child's "best" friend", a position no parent should put themselves into. Rather, if the end result of being a child's guide and teacher of what is right and wrong, what is appropriate and inappropriate results in being the child's "best" friend, this should be seen as a bonus. It is also important, in this writer's opinion, to remember that we can love the child but we do not have to like the behavior regardless of the circumstances. Furthermore, too many parents want to relieve themselves of the duty they take on with the birth of their children by maintaining the same lifestyle they had before the children came on the scene. Parenting has to be seen as "selfless" rather than "selfish" and parents should be prepared to take back some of the power of bringing up their children before it is too late to teach them the difference between right and wrong.

Answer 29

When I was a kid we still had the strap in school, and parents were permitted to spank and punish by grounding, loss of privelages etc, their children. Enter the left wing, Liberal way of discipline (time outs), and have it taught to the children that they can have the parents charged if they so much as mention disciplining them, and you have a society of selfish, undisciplined brats who feel the world should hand them everything on a silver platter. The government should put it back into the law books that parents and people in authority, ie: teachers, youth group leaders, may use corporal punishment (spanking, the strap. grounding, physical activity like push-ups) to discipline these kids as required. Some will cry that it will lead to the abuse of children, but how about the parents and teachers these brats abuse on a daily basis.

Answer 30

Kids are ruder these days, and while most of it is the parents fault, society is partly to blame as well.  What incentive do kids have to behave in a civalized manner, when adults do not, and there is no personal consequence to their actions.  There is no personal accountability, if something bad happens, it wasn't their fault, it was someone elses, and they'll sue them to prove it (people drinking, driving, getting into an accident, and then suing the place wherer they were drinking because they were "over-served").  No wonder kids are rude, their only role modles are people that swear, act badly, revel in their degredation, and never face a consequence.  

And the decent parents that do try to teach their children responsability are vilified for doing a good job, because their methods are the touchy feely, everything is alrigth variety.  They're the go to your room, time out, you're grounded, you can't play with that today, spanking as a form of disaplin vatriety.  I can tell you that anything that earned me a spanking was something that I never repeated, and consequences made me think twice about anything.

Answer 31

Children are not in a vacuum.  Adults are rude, too.  It seems as though everyone is more aggressive in these times.  After all, to be successive, one must be aggressive (or some call it assertive).  Or, perhaps children are copying the way politicians 'discuss' issues in parliament!  In any case, macro socialization and media are very influential in children's lives.  Moreover, most of the time, both parents have to work longer and longer hours to pay a mortgage and have less time to carefully delineate and discuss media images and 'aggressive adult' behavior with their children.

I recall attempting to talk with another mother about her sons' aggressive behavior several years ago and was shrugged off with a "boys will be boys"...

In any case, while I agree that parents and children's teachers, physicians, nurses, should include critical media education (and ensuing values) as a vital part of child development [as the Canadian Peadiatric Society proposes], I would argue that many parents do not have the critical skills themselves.