Do you agree with me or my husband on this issue?

Question

My husbands mother lives 3 counties over, about an hour away. To get there you have to drive a good stretch on the highway, and then on some very curvy country roads where the speed limit is 55 mph. I think that if she wants to see the baby (hes 8 months old) she should come to our house to see him instead of making us drive all the way out there with him. (Not to mention gas prices and were barely making ends meet as it is!) My husband doesn't have that great of a driving record either, and to top it off he doesn't have the metal hooks in his vehicle to strap the car seat it so he's just using the seat belt to strap it in. It just scares me to death having to drive him that far. It would be one thing if she worked and was busy a lot and couldn't make it down here to see him, but that isn't the case. She doesn't work and she comes down by our house all the time to get her hair done, to take her dogs to the groomer and the vet but has only came down here to see the baby 2 TIMES since he was born. I just think it should be her responsibility to drive all the way down here, and safer so we don't have the cart the baby so far away. What do you guys think?

Answer 1

I'm with you on this one.

Answer 2

i think his mom should have came to your house

Answer 3

I agree  with you I don't understand why she wouldn't do that in the first place it's common sense that's what I would do anyway. don't even humor her and go to see her tell her the next time she comes around your way to get her hair done or bring the dogs to the vet she can come by but until you get a proper seat for the baby you can't come all the way to her house to visit.  

Answer 4

I wouldn't say it's her responsibility to come visit, it's def a bit of both, but you guys have made the effort a few times now so she should do the same. Next time you go visit, organise when she is coming to visit next, so you are taking turns. If she doesn't come when you planned, don't go there. My mother in law lives in Scotland, about 5 hours by train from us, and works but still she had never met her grandson (who is 19 months old!!!) and didn't even come to our wedding! We have tried and tried and made an effort repeatedly but we have now given up. She drives, we don't, so it is far easier for her to come here but she makes excuses. We made the effort at first but when it's only one way it seems a waste doesn't it? Especially if she is coming near you anyway.

As for the car seat-in the UK most baby car seats are only strapepd in with a seatbelt anyway so I can't see that being a problem-as long as it's fitted as the manufacturers suggest, your wee one will be perfectly safe.

Answer 5

I agree with you.

I've always believed that person who needs to do the traveling for visits is the one who can make the trip with less hassle.  That's rarely the people with the baby/children.

Answer 6

I agree with YOU.

If your mother-in-law makes regular trips to where you are to get her hair done and her dog groomed, it won't hurt her in the least bit to take a couple of extra hours out of her schedule to stop by and see her grandchild.

Special occasions like holidays are different, you too could try to save a little bit of extra money to make the trip to her house, and also try to find a better way to strap the child's car seat in.

Answer 7

For years and years cars went without those metal safety hooks to strap car seats to.  Your baby will be safe, trust me.  We have an old Trooper and it doesn't have the hooks and our car seat is pretty well held down by the belt.

If you were so worried about not having the metal hooks, you wouldnt take your child anywhere but I'm sure you take the baby to the store, etc.  So get over it.

You need to take your child at least once in a while to your mother-in-law's house.  It almost sounds like you have hate towards your mother-in-law too.

Get over it, take your child there.  

I am with your husband on this one.

Answer 8

yes, i agree with you.

she should drive to see the baby.

Answer 9

If she's going to be nearby, anyway, then she could stop by.

Answer 10

Well, I think your mother should come down because if she wants to see the baby why should you have to bring the baby to HER?? She should be able to come down herself. I guess she is just very lazy.

Answer 11

I think the unsafe car seat would be the only reason you shouldn't go to her, otherwise-WOW! You sound like a brat.  I think that you could sacrifice a little too--just like she could(when she gets her hair done Etc.)  But Grandparents love having grandchildren at their houses.  You should fix the car seat problem and go see her.  Heck, she'd probably take your kid shopping or whatever and make upp for that "gas" you just can't seem to buy.  Ironically, if you can't afford gas essential resources like that then you should start making adjustments.  That probably sounds silly to you, but you make it sound as if you are the only one who has it hard.  YOU are the one who made it sound as if your child shouldn't be riding in the car seat and yyou are just making yourself sound more and more ignorant and bratty!!!!

Answer 12

I agree, until the baby can be safely strapped into the car your MIL should drive to your house for visits.

Answer 13

If you don't want to go on those trips, just have your husband go with the baby for a visit. Let him use your vehicle with the tether.

Answer 14

I do think she should come to your house every once in a while to see the baby, but it's obvious that she thinks it's "too far".  An easy way to do it, gently and without ever bringing up distance or anything else, would be this:  Find out when the next time she'll be in town for her hair appointment or the grooming appointment, and schedule a little luncheon at your house for afterwards ."Oh, you have an appointment for Friday at 11 a.m.?  Perfect! I am having a couple of friends over for lunch that day.  I would love it if you would join us!"  That way she gets to see the baby, and hopefully she'll realize that it's not too far after all.  You'll never even have to mention gas prices, travel time, speed or your husband's not-so-perfect driving record!!!

Answer 15

mother in laws what a pain in the ***!!!!!!i agree with u,with each trip u take and spend in gas takes away from the baby!!!!and if she is coming right by your house and not stoping by but then thinks yall should bring him down to her sounds like she is about herself.or just being a *****,dont carry the baby down there for awhile and she if she comes by,does she really want to she him?the ? will be answerd then!!!!

Answer 16

If your mother in law does come out to get her hair done, then why can't she come by and visit?  But I think you should both compromise.  First of all, your baby's safety is the most important concern.  If there aren't appropriate straps for that car seat, then the baby should never be in that car ever.  Get a safer car.  Your husband should drive at a safer pace.  If the speed limit is 30 mph, I'm not saying stick to the speed limit, but at least go as safe as you can.  I never stick to a speed limit, but then again, I live in Massachusetts and we drive fast and aggressively.  I would recommend you and/or your husband talk to her and explain the situation about the car and gas and see if you all can come up with a resolution to this problem.  Just let her know that you don't want to shut her out, but the car is not safe for the baby.  Or if you have two cars, and the other one is appropriate for the car seat, just take the other car.  But either way, let her know she is still included and a part of your lives and see what you can do to get this resolved.

Answer 17

Your husbands mother should make the journey. It makes more sense then.  

Answer 18

If your car seat is not properly buckled into the car you should not leave the driveway let alone drive "curvy country roads" with a less the perfect driver.  Stay home and let her come out.  Those latches can be purchased for less than $10 and how would you feel if something happened and you knew that you could have prevented it?!?!?

Answer 19

You make it sound as if you live so far away from her, but yet she lives close enough to you to get her hair done and pets groomed. The reason I would not be willing to drive with the baby would be because he isn't restrained safely enough in your vehicle and no other reason.

I think I got it. Be concerned about not putting your baby into a vehicle that your husband is deemed not a safe driver, and your baby is not strapped in safely. Period. Tell you mother-in-law that sad as it is, until things change for the safety of your child, she will need to come to your house.

Answer 20

I agree that it would be much easier on baby for her to do the visiting in your home especially since she has no problem coming to town for things like the dog groomers and hair stylists.

In defense of hubby, you are lucky that he is family minded like that even if it is a bit biased. The worst would be if he didn't care.

You get the benefit of a hubby that values family.. "I think if you watch the way a man treats his mom you can see how he feels about women in general".

I know there is exceptions but on the whole this seems to be a good indicator.

Is his mother a person that is open enough for you to take her aside and tell her it just wears baby out too much.  She may not remember clearly how hard traveling with a baby can be. Maybe you could just give her a clue. Your hubby does not want to make waves so he is just doing what his mom wants.

You could just let her know whenever you have to take baby for any daylong trek it throws baby off and makes it harder on baby. You can take the focus off her that way and she won't feel she is being singled out..

Answer 21

If your mother-in-law has to drive near to where you live anyway, she could easily drive a little more to visit with her grandchild.  In the mean time you should consider a child safety seat for when you drive to her house.

All the Best

Answer 22

i agree with you

Answer 23

The grandma should stop in when she is in town to see the baby, but my question is....

Do you invite her?  

Also, put yourself in her shoes, she probably feels like she is imposing. I would feel strange if someone never came to my house and expected me to do all of the running around.

Not to mention that it comes off as rude as well.

As far as the car seat problem, BUY THE HOOKS.  As long as you don't have the hooks you should not be taking that child ANYWHERE, not even down the street.