Do you agree with my educational poem

Question

An occurence at the bathtub

A curiosity enveloped me

When I had woke and felt no thing

I found myself to my waist

In the water, there I lay

Flaky, for I had took a bath

I looked to my left

And I saw a little strange

Sight that made me quiver dazed

I saw a white cord extend

And reach from the socket into the fan

That I now felt in my hand

Fear then enveloped me

"That fan is broken, probably"

"Would it ever work again?"

It must have fallen from my grasp

To dry ones hair while in the bath

Is rather very daft

In view of this misfortune vast

I had sighed one last time

And then I died

Answer 1

You made it from the beginning to the end.  Lots of bumps and stumbles along the way though.  Word usage is horrible, there are disconnects, abuses, and flagrant lack of trying.

Smiling ?  No, I was shaking my head in wonderment.  It's not your sense of humor that needs work.   A really serious edit is what you need right now.

Answer 2

Well, at first I thought this was going to be one of those spoof poems you sometimes get which turn out to be something rather rude...especially when I got to

I looked to my left

And I saw a little strange

Sight that made me quiver dazed....I thought here we go he's seen his manhood!

Then as it goes on......a sad tale of misfortune (except it just reads like a joke)

The last line should be And then I'd died.....because you are dead aren't you, from the first line?

Answer 3

Before you attempt any more "poetry" please, go back to school and really study hard to learn English grammar.  Yours is atrocious!  You could also learn some vocabulary.  Yours seems to be pretty limited.

Example:  it should read "An occurrence IN the bathtub."  Not AT the bathtub...

Another example:  "when I had woke..."  The correct way to express this is,"when I awakened"

Another example:  "for I had took a bath"  The correct expression is, "for I had taken a bath..."

The list could go on, but I'll stop with these.