Do you agree with physical discipline of your children?

Question

i.e., ear twisting (of a four year old), dragging by the leg, pinching, 'knuckling' (in fun supposedly) and being smashed in which the child proceeds to imitate by punching the stepfather saying, i'm smashing you...

would this be acceptable to people with parents or would this be considered excessive physical discipline and exposure to violence?

Answer 1

when mental discipline fails (like people on nany911)

then yes smack the little **** in the face

Answer 2

thats abuse

Answer 3

inhumane indeed. would you treat a dog like that?

Answer 4

That seems a bit excessive.  I spank my kids but I make sure they understand why they are being spanked.

Answer 5

Child abuse is wrong so never do it period.

Answer 6

Physical punishment should be a last resort..

1. PUNISHMENT OFTEN FAILS TO STOP, AND CAN EVEN INCREASE THE OCCURRENCE OF, THE UNDESIRED RESPONSE.

Since attention is one of the most potent rewards available, and since it is difficult to punish without paying attention to the offender, punishing may serve more as a reward than as a punishment.

2. PUNISHMENT AROUSES STRONG EMOTIONAL RESPONSES THAT MAY GENERALIZE.

Once the strong emotional responses are aroused the degree and direction of generalization is largely uncontrollable.  The result may be excessive anxiety, apprehension, guilt, and self-punishment.

3. USING PUNISHMENT MODELS AGGRESSION.

The meaning of "social power" is exemplified.

4. INTERNAL CONTROL OF BEHAVIOR IS NOT LEARNED.

The offender may learn to inhibit the punished response during surveillance, but once surveillance ends there is no internal control mechanism to continue inhibiting the behavior.

5. PUNISHMENT CAN EASILY BECOME ABUSE.

Most parents who abuse children do not intend to do the damage they inflict.  Most of the damage and injury occurs when the parent loses control, and goes beyond the boundaries of reasonable behavior.

6. PAIN IS STRONGLY ASSOCIATED WITH AGGRESSION.

The pain of punishment often leads to a display of aggression against either the source of the pain or, in some cases, an innocent scapegoat.

7. PUNISHMENT WORKS BEST WHEN IT OCCURS EVERY TIME.

While reward works best when given on an intermittent basis, punishment works best when a continuous basis.  The degree of vigilance required to constantly monitor behavior so that every occurrence of the undesired behavior can be punished is rarely possible.  The undesired behavior is, therefore, intermittently reinforced when it is not punished, and the behavior continues.

Answer 7

I admittedly spanked my children each only once when they were about 5y/o basically to demonstrate that they did in fact need to listen to me.

  I am talking bare hand on clothed bottoms but I did make sure they felt it I never again had to do that, or even needed to tell them something twice, I highly recommend that method and now that they are grown  and have children of their own they will often be heard saying wait till your five. now get to time out.

I do not condone any type of violence toward anyone.

Answer 8

will if this is all in play and the 4 year old is loving it , then know i wouldnt say it is violence , but id stop with the pulling with the ear , that might hurt your child , but i dont see nothing wrong with playing as long as when your 4 year is done you are too  

Answer 9

put your son in counseling , seriously get it documented by a professional then it is evidence .  

Answer 10

It's not necessary.  I know this sounds odd, and my parents think I'm crazy, but violence teaches violence.   Redirection, rewards, and positive reinforcement work best I think.  If negative reinforcement is needed, consequencing, time-out and taking away privileges work (Another idea is gettin an allowance and getting "fined" for violations of rules.).  You really don't have to hit your kid.  

Answer 11

Ok, I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old.  I believe in spanking, or smacking their hands when they do something wrong.  But, only if it is a major wrong.  They are old enough to be sat down and talked to.  Explain what they did was wrong and why it was wrong.  I don't believe in physically disciplining them for everything.  But what you described there sounds like abuse to me.  There is no call for doing that to such a young child (any kid rather).  I agree with horsing around, but you can't use that as an excuse to be overly physical with the child.  If you don't like what your lawyer said, try going to someone else, get a "second opinion".

Answer 12

i agree

i have a 3 year old, and never would i ever hurt her..

punish?  i talk stern, hold her hand firmly, and a little smack on the rear (never leaving redness)

we sometimes play twisting or biting but only play and never hurting

there is a difference between playfull and anger,  know the difference, see the difference  and don't ever be afraid to interfere and make sure it is controllable.

but you obviously have issues here, sit down and discuss them.

but again know the difference between playful and anger

  

Answer 13

Number one - Wow!

Number two - The Japanese can be very mean and viscous, and I say this from personal experience having Japanese relatives in my own family.  It is their historical culture of violent behavior and their perception that beating children is the best way to teach them respect.

Number Three - yes, he is committing physical abuse of the child.  He could damage the child's hearing beyond repair (Ludwig Von Beethoven was deaf because his father pulled his ears!).  And yes, if the child says it hurts, it HURTS and is an abuse.

Your lawyer is an insensitive JERK and a clod.  You need to go to the police and report the matter and let the authorities deal with him.  You just simply went to the wrong lawyer who obviously has no vested interests in the welfare of children and their basic safety.

Everyone in this day and age knows that physical punishment is not acceptable.  There are such things as time outs...and other forms of teaching children discipline that does not involve the use of physical violence.  All he is doing is teaching your child that violent beavior is acceptable.  Your husband (or the stepfather) needs the severe discipline...counseling at best, jail if necessary.

Report the issue to child welfare authorities or the police.  And, get a different lawyer!

Answer 14

spare the rod, spoil the child...  if you believe in the bible

discipline is one thing.   abuse is a whole other ball park.

how discipline is carried out for the consequences of a child's behavior is completely up to the individual parent and the laws of each country also governs what a parent can and cannot do as far as discipline goes.

to take another biblical teaching I believe that the bible also teaches for fathers not to be badgering, irritating, or harassing their children.  But do we really need to be taught this?  Is something as trivial as this something that actually needs to be examined?

What you have described as "knuckling" and "pinching" is irritating your son.  He's clearly stated that he does not like it.    

nuff said

Answer 15

Yes, this is fine.

Children need discipline. I think American people don't discipline their kids enough through physical means. In Japan, that would be considered very light discipline.  

Answer 16

i think its okay when the child is still unable to think for itself, i guess before elementary schooling, where right and wrong can be delivered to him.

when he's wrong, he would feel the pain and will know that he souldnt do it anymore. when he did the right thing praise him?

however when he can learn to differentiate right from wrong, speaking to him would be a better way.

as making him understand would be effective cuz by then physical pain would just bring out fear in htme which might not be the way to bring a child up, refraining from doing certain acts simply out of fear, not because he realises its wrong to do so.