Do you agree with there being no losers or winners in children's sports?

Question

I have two children and I completley disagree with this! I think that learning to loose and having disappoint in life is crucial in becoming a well rounded and emotionally adjusted adult. Not everything in life is fair and children should learn that. This is not to say that children should not be rewarded for effort. Even if the team looses, take them to get ice cream. But, do not deprive them of the wonderful feeling of winning or the dissapointment that often times makes you work harder.

Answer 1

I am 13 with 6 brothers and sisters. The ones that are old enough play sports. They keep score and have a winner, but the coaches still say "Good game!" and "Nice job!". They take them out for ice cream even if the score is 0 to 1,000,000.

The kids should understand someone has to loose, but shouldn't get punished by not getting ice cream or something for loosing. That's just my oppinion.

Answer 2

For kindergarten and 1st grade I think it should just be able learning to play the game and building up self confidence after that scoring is good to teach them that you can't always win and all you can do is try your hardest but it isn't good to be a sore loser or a bragging winner.  With my little cousin they don't play for points but they are encouraged to do their best and try hard and rewarded for trying hard but he is going into 1st grade this year and the rules get changed. Little kids though really just need to build the self confidence first, by having them play competitively at a very young age you set most of them up to fail and can really crush their self confidence before they even have it built up.

Answer 3

I think that it really depends on the intention of the league that they are in, the skill level of the children involved, the maturity of the children involved & the fairness of the team rosters.  

It certainly is good for kids to learn that hard work & lots of practice pays off in better skills & in victory.  

It's also good for them to have a safe place to gain confidence, learn skills & just have fun playing with friends.  

There are competitive children's leagues available.   There are also 'everyone plays, everyone has fun, everyone wins' leagues & associations available.  

Parents should choose the league that best fits their family's values with regards to sports & their child's needs.

Answer 4

I used to feel the same way you do.  When my son was younger, the baseball and soccer teams for his age group didn't keep score, and everyone got a medal.  It drove me nuts!  I thought it was ridiculous to pretend that everyone was equal and that you'll always get a reward, even when you do poorly.  That's not how the real world works!  I felt we were depriving our kids of the chance to celebrate their accomplishments, and to learn how to deal with defeat and disappointment.  

But the funny thing is, even though the scoreboard was blank, every kid out there knew exactly what the score was.  And while everyone left with a medal and a pat on the back, one team walked away all smiles, and one team walked away with their heads hung low.  They weren't fooled at all.  We can pretend all we want that "everyone's a winner!" but the truth is, the kids know exactly who did well and who didn't.  And those medals don't make the losers feel any better.

But what's sad is, we spend the early years focusing on having fun and trying your best... and then they hit a certain age and - BAM! - it's all about winning!  And suddenly there's more than enough opportunity to learn about disappointment.  Only the best people can make the team, and only the best teams get to go to the tournament in Orlando or the meet in Cancun.  Sports change suddenly from being fun, healthy recreation to being highly stressful and competitive.

When my daughter first started competing at gymnastics, there was no 1st and 2nd place... everyone got a ribbon, and I thought that was silly.  But now she's at the higher levels, where only the top few gymnasts get an award.  Most girls leave the meets empty handed and disappointed.  Yes, they learn to set new goals and work harder.  But eventually, most girls realize that no matter how hard they work, they'll never be one of the lucky few standing on the awards podium.  So they end up quitting the sport they loved.  Of the 50 or so teammates my daughter started out with, only a handful are left.  The rest are at home on myspace.  And that's really a shame.  

My son is now having to choose between baseball and soccer, both of which he absolutely loves.  The only teams for boys his age are serious select or travel teams that require a huge commitment, so it's impossible to do both.  He'll probably choose baseball, but I really wish there was someplace he could go to play soccer just for fun.  But there's not.  It's all serious business now, and if you're not in it to win, there's just nothing available for you.  

So yeah.  As much as I hated the "no winners or losers" attitude, I kind of long for those days now!  I wish there were still places with that attitude for older kids.  Because it IS nice to be able to play a sport just for the pure enjoyment of it, and not have to deal with all the pressure and disappointment.

Answer 5

I think there's a time in kids' lives for non-competitive activity.

Sports teams though have a useful role in preparing kids for social & business life in the US.  The rules of engagement that govern sports come into play then as well.

Answer 6

I totally agree with you. Life isn't fair and is full of disappointment. Kids have got to learn how to deal with it in a healthy manner.

We've always just taught our kids to do their best in whatever they try. Sometimes they may win, sometimes not, but that's just the way it goes. No one can win all the time, but you should always enjoy the pursuit and learn to lose with grace.

Answer 7

I agree with you.  My 7 year old daughter is very competitive, and gets kinda upset when her team looses.  We teah her that you win sometimes, and you loose sometime, but have fun nonetheless.  

I am soooo against that whole trophy for everyone thing, it lessens the acheviements the other children have made, and teach the loosing children that its okay to be mediocre (sp).

Answer 8

yes its true that if your kid looses a game then yeah he lost. he needs to be aware of it too. but he should never feel like he cant win later with a change of plans and some work. also dont make a kid try to do more than they can handle or theyll feel like a failure.

Answer 9

I agree! "lets not hurt their ego".. That's how you create brats that throw tantrums every time they don't get what they want!

I'm not saying they should feel horrible for losing but being somewhat disappointed is a part of life.. It makes them appreciate the good things more.

Answer 10

My son is now 9 and has 4 years of soccer and 3 of t/baseball under his belt.  The first 2 or 3 seasons there was no score kept instead each kid got personal pointers along with points of "you did this right or you've gotten better at this" so the growth of a child's skills was the objective. At last years soccer games their were winners and losers, very necessary to learn how to loose early in life yes.  Recently I've found a method or outlook on parenting that addresses value of learning how the real world is.  How we as parents can give our kids ways within reason to experience life lessons while the price is low ( the younger the kid the lower the price payed to learn the value)That is authored by Foster Cline,M.D. and Jim Fay ( top educator with 31 years experience and 3 kids) Parenting with Love and Logic is available in VHS and a book.

Answer 11

Yes. Losing is what has always made me more inclined to win. It gives me the push to work harder. It is something all children will come upon many times later in life, so they should learn to deal with it when they are young. They should learn to use it to their advantage.

Answer 12

I agree with you... sort of. Kids need to learn to win and lose with grace. It is one of the most valuable skills they will learn as far as maintaining relationships, and they can't gain that skill if their are not losers or winners.

The problem is, a lot of coaches and parents *over* emphasize the competition. They rake the kids over the coals for losing and make it seem okay to treat their opponents like c**p when they win. That's not okay.

I'm not saying that it's all or even most of them, but the fact that any of them at all do this means that it is happening too often.

I think that the balance is to conced that, "yes, there is going to be one team that wins and one team that loses, but so long as everyone tries, and has a good attitude, there are no 'failures.'"

Answer 13

I completely agree with you. When kids win in sports, they learn that effort and teamwork bring results.  When they lose, they learn that you can't always get what you want, and you can't always control the outcome, but you CAN bounce back  to succeed the next time.  These are important lessons, and sports provide a safe and healthy setting in which to teach them.  

But adults must remember to demonstrate good sportsmanship and not place too much emphasis on winning.  I have heard parents scream at referees and coaches yell at kids till they cry for making mistakes. Reminding kids that it's only a game, and bad calls or mistakes are part of it, is also a good life lesson.

Answer 14

I agree with you. I have no problem with getting a treat even if you lose a game, because you still tried your hardest. But the reward of winning should mean something to children. It helps while they grow. There is no need for everyone to get a trophy.

Not everyone gets a "trophy" in real life.

Answer 15

Life is hard, get a helmet.  People lose and do so every day, that is life.  Its not fair and the world is an unforgiving place.

Giving kids this false sense of security, fairness and tolerance in the world is the greatest disservice and, in my opinion, abuse that we can visit on our kids.

Unless Dairy Queen adds the Loser Sized cone to the menu, your loser @ss doesnt get Dairy Queen.  Maybe next time, you will score more points!

Answer 16

I agree, but at the same time, I also think the point of kids sports is to teach sportsmanship.  And I dont think letting the awkard kid never play because you know he will get an out is teaching good sportsmanship.

Answer 17

I disagree with this too! Someone always has to lose when a game is played. To me, it teaches a child how to be a poor loser and not handle the disappointment of losing with grace and good sportsmanship.

Answer 18

I'm with you, I think learning to be disappointed is an important lesson, learning how to deal with 'failure' etc. I was one of those kids who sucked at sports and yes I cried many nights from being picked on because I was slow and always came last so in a way I can see it would save heartache for some kids. But for other kids their ability needs to be reognised, I mean they are still going to mark spelling tests arent they? And I kicked *** at those! lol