My mother always forbid me from going anywhere unless a parent was present, but my friend who has a 16 year old daughter tells me she lets her daughter go to unsupervised parties.
She said, "I feel like if I keep her home from those things she'll never learn to make her own decisions. Essentially I'm keeping her home because I'm saying I don't trust her. But I do trust her, and I feel that if I say to her 'I know there is going to be beer there, but I hope you know drinking can become a habit and wreck your life, and I am trusting you to make the right decision'. I feel by giving her credit she's less likely to mess up."
She's not a slacker mom though, because this is the same mom who refuses to let her 7 year old play with Bratz dolls and does require that her teen tell her who, what, where, when and why when she goes out. But she doesnt ground her teen daughter really...when her daughter is disrespectful she doesnt say, "you're not going anywhere" because she says then they'll both be miserable.
This one time her daughter told her to kiss her *** so my friend said,"I will not tolerate you talking to me that way. I don't speak to you that way. Until you can rephrase what you said I am not going to have the conversation at all." Then when her daughter wanted a ride to the mall she said, "I'm sorry. But you don't respect me enough to talk to me in a calm way, so I cannot respect you enough to give you a ride to the mall."
I'm not sure how I feel abut all this....opinions?
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