Do you believe in letting a sleeping dog lay?

Question

A gentle breeze whips

the old tattered flag

silver dollar leaves

of the aspen dance

yes dance from its touch

tossed roadside litter

slowly skips along

a journey unfettered

rusted windmill blades

creak and groan

finding their way

full circle

clouds gently nudged

by this whisper kiss

lazily roam the sky

but the dog lays still

innately oblivious

asleep on the porch

the only movement

a twitch of his ear

damned bothersome fly

dreaming his life away.

Answer 1

Did you steal Buk's brain? Both of you are awesome poets!

To answer your question, (so I don't get a VN) Yes! I let sleeping dogs lie!

Answer 2

I would just add the "old tattered flag unfurled".

When approaching a sleeping dog, I make a fist (no fingers out) and pet them gently and have a doggy treat in hand.

ooooh, I really don't want to get into the mistreatment of animals.  I see too much of it.

Answer 3

I believe in letting a sleeping dog lie (with some exceptions).

Other than the previously mentioned fact that the dog "lies" still ("lays" means puts or places) , the only other possible change I'd make would be to put "damned bothersome fly" into quotations or parentheses as (apart from anything else in the poem) they express the thoughts of the dog. The other lines (despite some suggestions to the contrary) are fine as they are with no modification necessary.

Answer 4

...some have answered with good suggestions and one even suggested that asking for help in editing is not indicative of one's own poetic expression...I found that an interesting answer and somewhat true, to a point...I believe suggestions with editing grammar or punctuation and perhaps even improved adjectives, etc, are worthy of consideration but to have another "overhaul" a piece that has come from your own heart and soul is not a good idea

...now, that being said, I loved this piece and it made me feel like I was, perhaps, the bothersome "fly" observing the entire scenario...a sign of good writing is when one is able to crawl into the "read" and become one with it...you have done this...I was left with only one "head scratching" phrase...

clouds gently nudged

by this whisper kiss

...which is poetically beautiful, but I was not able to connect it well with the lines before or after...so, my only suggestion would be to attempt a wee bit more explanation surrounding these lines...

Thumbs up for you...loved it !

Evelyn

Answer 5

Sleeping dogs do not LAY; they LIE.

You LAY something down next to the sleeping dog.

Lay is a verb that needs a reciever of the action; it is transitive. Lie does not; it is intransitive. I know in comon speech they get interchanged, especially because the past tense of lie is lay, but there IS a difference to these two actions and it lies in their relationship to the rest of the sentence.

Lie=rests. Lay=set down

As for the rest of the poem, it could stand a close, careful refining, perhaps to turn up the imagery. But it works for the most part.

Answer 6

i like that just the way it is. it painted a pretty picture in my mind. a scene i can feel as well! thanks for posting that...

Answer 7

Very good poem i enjoyed that. .. sleepin dogs and old men who love to snore.............Hey I dont bother either one..

Answer 8

That was lovely!  I, however believe in sneaking up on a sleeping dog, blowing up a paper bag and popping it as loudly as possible.  Yeah I know, I'm going to h**l!

Answer 9

You made my tail wag...

You can wake me to rub my belly.

Answer 10

I let my sleeping dogs lie....Gypsy gets grumpy when disturbed..Tinker just growls...The 2 Poodles yap..The Pomeranian and her daughter bark for Britain if they get woken sharply..

The cats on the other hand just look disgusted and go straight back to sleep...

Answer 11

Woof...........growl

Answer 12

I really like it, and I agree with the answer above me....

I wouldn't bother a sleeping dog....unless it was sleeping on me or something like that.

Answer 13

well...i've got to tell ya that i don't do poetry cause i don't get it... i'm just that way... i never have... but i'm sure it's lovely.. my brother writes stuff all the time that i never understand... oh well....not my gift.

Answer 14

Very, very nice.

Here's a bit of advice to you, Writing poetry depends mainly on (your) first impression, not anyone else's.

In order to write  poetry which is convincing to the reader, You must be only aware, not thinking, but intuiting what to draw from your subject,what is essential.

Imagine what trance of the mind you must be in to JUST do that! So, asking someone else to edit, rearrange, subtract, detract, correct what they'd feel should be done is robbing your poetry of most of what it has gathered, drawn as THE ESSENTIAL from whatever subject has attracted you.

Answer 15

Yes.  Sounds peaceful.  I could sleep to that too.