Do you believe this is unfair between me and my child's father?

Question

so me and my child's father split BEFORE i even knew i was pregnant...i just never bothered to get back with him (also..because he moved on so fast- met another girlfriend before i even found out i was pregnant)

so i was left carrying his child for 9 whole months..went thru labor alone..and now is raising his child alone..paying all the bills on only my income...

he pretty much has the luxuries that i DON'T have:

-a significant other (girlfriend)

-a job

-money

-and no child to take care of (responsibilities)

I, on the other hand have:

-no significant other (because i have no time for them-with this child of mines)

-no job (because i cannot afford childcare)

-no money (because of no job)

-and then i am left taking care of HIS child..(which i don't mind- b/c the child is mines too..but STILL its unfair)

went to file support--and now he tells me he wants to settle it OUTSIDE of court b/c he is unable to afford what comes to be 25% ($500) of what he makes per month ($2k

Answer 1

With the way you talk about your child it sounds like you view the child as a burden on your life.  It isn't his child it is yours and his child.  No it isn't right that he isn't helping to care for the baby but you still shouldn't act like your child is just some obligation.  A child is a gift and can bring such joy to your life if you let them.  Sounds to me like this is a just a jealousy issue for you.

Answer 2

Hahaha, that sounds familiar... Only I had to work... But still, my son's father gave me the guilt trip of too much money and blah blah blah...

But why should I have to live paycheck to paycheck to support my son and his father have enough money to go blow it on partying?

Nooooo.... Child support has been filed.  He's now obligated to pay over $600 a month.  He hasn't paid a full payment yet... And so I filed paperwork and now we are going back to court in September so he can explain to the judge why he doesn't feel the need to help support his son.

Answer 3

if it took 2 to make the baby it should take 2 to pay for it if he does not want to pay child support then there is a way you can get for the baby's 1st month like WIC it gives you free formula with the baby's medicade or medicare and if he doesnt want to settle it in court dont take his option if hes does not want do give you a reasonable prize to keep the baby's needs you didnt the baby on your own so he  needs to pay up there is no need for him to pay 25% of what he earns it will settle in with the court decision of how much he shall give you with the percentage he makes a week or every two weeks

Answer 4

Just to let you know if you settle outside of court, he does not have to send you the money.  So if something goes wrong and you need that money, you can count on it not being there.  And as for your list of things that are different you made it clear that it was "HIS" child.  Its both of yours.  Its not like he left because you were pregnant.  The gov can help with daycare costs.  You cant live on $500/month at all.  You should get child support and use that towards day care if anything so you can find a job.

Answer 5

Why don't you just carry on with the legal c**p..Make him own up to his own responsibilities. And you should have told him about his baby. You thought it was ok to NOT tell him about his child..yet you believe he should be responsible for it? That sounds really immature. Life is unfair. I had it unfair when I had my son. But I lived and don't regret a d**n minute.

You should have thought about all of this while you were pregnant. Planned some things out and figured out your lives. Try and be a bit nice about it since you did keep his baby out of the picture until now.

And the way you talk about your baby...Makes you sound like you regret him...It's not that babies fault that he's alive now is it? You decided to have s*x (including a 60% chance of the father not being around) with that man. Stop using the word "burden". Your baby isn't one. You need to grow up and realize that you are a mommy now and don't need to be so selfish.

Answer 6

yea i agree with the first who answered this question even in your other question you act as if you don't want your child i can just picture what kind of mom you are poor child think about adoption

Answer 7

Army angyl, why are you saying she never told the father about the baby? She never said that in her question, and where did the "60% chance" thing come from???

As for the asker, I guess if you knew before you had the baby that the father wouldn't be a part of its life then you can't expect it to change now... that's a d**n shame. I guess you have to weight the benefits of settling out of court and taking it to a judge.... Trying to keep the dad in the baby's life, or would the baby be better off without him... it's a decision only you can make.

Answer 8

First of all, you should never feel guilty for wanting to keep your child. I personally don't believe in abortion and I feel like adoption can be an amazing thing for some people but I'm just not strong enough to do that. I was in a situation similar to yours a while ago and believe me I know its hard so good for you for being so strong. If he wants to settle it outside of court then maybe try doing that because atleast its getting taken care of and if he still doesn't step up and take care of his responsibilities take it to court again and get it over with. Hopefully he will come to his senses and you guys can all get along with your lives because this is probably very hard. Also, as hard as it is for you now it does get better so just hang in there! Good luck and know that you definitely aren't alone.

Answer 9

It sounds like he's trying to wiggle out of his responsibilities by attempting to settle out of court. If I were you I would take him to court for child support and every time he misses a payment I would have him in court again. Some guys never want to own up to their responsibilities and it sucks - but you have to do what's fair for you and your baby.

Good luck

Answer 10

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A BABY...HE SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE HE GOT YOU PREGNANT.... s***w THE OUTSIDE OF COURT c**p.... YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE MONEY IF YOU DO THAT.....  good luck, and go file for child support through the state.....or he will never pay a dime...

Answer 11

If I see my child everyday...the father doesn't...sucks for him!!!  I have the best situation.

I would not feel bad or guilty at all about taking him to court.  You need what you need!  You need child care and employment...if 25% is going to help u...y feel guilty?  I wouldn't.

Answer 12

If you find the child to be as much of a burden as you sound, please consider adoption. There are  people out there who consider children a blessing and would give the child everything you want for him or her.

If you really love your child and are just trying to not say anything that makes you identifiable, then by all means take him to court.

Don't let him talk you into less than the law allows you to have. It is still going to cost you much more to raise that child than $500 a month. You have no idea yet just how expensive it gets. You are also taking care of the baby, not  him. If a monetary amount was added to that as your part of the financial investment, it would really make $500 a month seem puny.

See if there is a freecycle program in your area.  That will help you quite a bit. People pass on items that they no longer need for free. When you no longer need things, you can pass them on to others. It isn't just baby items. I'm sure they would help you a lot with things you can't afford.

Answer 13

You really do need to go through the courts.   Get child support in writing and legally.   Let the courts make him be responsible.  Hopefully he will step up and be a father to his child too.

Good luck.

P.S. Do not let him make you feel guilty!  That is just wrong.

And congratulations, babies are a blessing.

Answer 14

First off don't think of this child as a burden and second of all he is a piece of sh*t.  Don't settle out of court.  Take him for child support and make him pay for atleast part of child care costs.  Then you can get a job of your own and dedicate your life to your precious baby.  Don't tell him he can't see the baby but don't make extra effort for him to be in his life.  If he is a real man, which it sounds like he isn't he will become part of the childs life.  I would sugest though that you think about having your tubes tied or a steddy birth control program when and before you start having boyfriends again.  It is hard to raise one now days and nearly imposible to rais too.

DO NOT SETTLE OUT OF COURT.  MAKE THIS CHEAP A** HOLE ATLEAST PAY FOR HIS CHILD.

Additional details make sure you get his name put on the birth certificate.  It makes it easier down the road.