Do you believe this is unreasonable of my husband?

Question

My husband grew up as an ADHD child and one of his big tip offs was chocolate and Red Dye #40. We have seen our son exhibit the same behaviors my husband did at that age, but there's no way of telling whether or not he's ADHD until he's well over 5 years old. My husband has been able to successfully control his ADHD free of medication since he was a teenager through learning to change his behaviors.

Anyhow, my husband says that we should not allow our two year old son to have ANY chocolate at all. None, period. Not even on occasion. I disagree because I believe that's too extreme and I've seen our son after having chocolate. Granted I won't be giving him chocolate daily, but on occasion I don't see a problem with it. It does not significantly change his behavior at all. But my husband insists that because it changed his behavior as a child that it will change our son's. Do you think he's a bit overkill with this no chocolate policy?

Answer 1

Alyssa's mommy, how can you relate ADHD symptoms to cancer? that's just silly.

I think it's overkill. Not to bring up past questions you've asked but it seems odd that your husband who knows what it is like to be ADHD would expect your son who shows traits of it, to sit completely still in a time out. Doesn't he understand that kids with this have a hard enough time sitting in one place, nevermind not being able to move a muscle?

My point is your husband seems to take everything to the extreme. maybe you could sit down and have a talk with him about this. It seems like what he does is he allows his fears to cause him to take things to the extreme. He's afraid your son will have ADHD so he wants to go to the extreme of NO chocolate at all. He's afraid your child will grow up to be misbehaved so he goes to the extreme of making him sit so still in a time out.

He needs to be careful or he will cause your son to have low self esteem. He is your son's main role model (same s*x parent) and often when parents do this it causes kids to feel like they'll never be good enough for the parent.

Just my thoughts and I hope you can make your husband see that. So anyway I think chocolate on occassion is fine. ADHD isn't always triggered by food anyway, it's just that some people have found that lessening the amounts of these things has helped.

Answer 2

They Can Live Without Chocolate, It May Be Overkill In Some People's Opinion, But That Chocolate Won't Benefit Your Son In Any Way Anyways.

Answer 3

I can honestly see both sides, but I think that I am more with your husband. I think you need to put yourself in his shoes, after all, he is the one that has experienced it first hand and not you. That said, he is probably being a bit extreme because he has been through it and doesn't want the same to happen to his son - so, his vision is a little clouded. If your son is not behaving any worse after chocolate, then I think your husband does need to compromise a little and that you should also compromise and ensure that he only has chocolate on very special occasions, such as parties.

Answer 4

He is trying to protect his son.

You said your son exhibits some of the same behaviors as your hubby did at that age.

Why risk it when there are a lot of yummy treats out there?

Dark chocolate has antioxidant properties, true, as do *many* other foods. If it's releasing endorphins, great. So does excersize.

Answer 5

Hyper-activity isn't something you should just assume about your son... Young children, especially boys are full of energy, they never seem to stop. My son is going to be 2 in 3 weeks and I sometimes think he is gonna drive me crazy, but I would never assume that he has a medical/mental condition. Did you ever think that it can't be diagnosed until the age of 5 for a reason.. like children under this age are just normally active or super active...

Answer 6

No.

For example if a child is allergic to eggs as an infant, the docs will advise to stay away from eggs until age 5.  Its not just because of an allergic reaction.  Its because even if its in the slightest, the body then keeps getting reminded of this allergy.  So what the docs/scientists now think, is that your body can forget about an allergy.  Im sure theres a lot more technical terms to all this, and it could perhaps be just like this situation.

Answer 7

Probably a little. There are lot of other treats that he can have so for the sake of not arguing I would choose one of those instead. I see what you are saying, if you were at a party or something and every other child was having chocolate I don't think you should deprive your son of it. I am ADHD also and if someone told me I couldn't have chocolate I think I would go crazy because I love it. Good luck with this one!

Answer 8

I can understand his concern. I think he is exibiting a typical protective behavior towards his son, fearing he may have to suffer like him. My best recommendation is for you to have your child professionally assessed, so you dont keep arguing over details that may be inaccurate on both sides. Check with a professional and see if you son is suffering from his father's history. If yes, then maybe you need to work with your husband on the best compromise. If no, well then he doesn't have an excuse.

Answer 9

My niece was diagnosed ADHD, ADD & ODD.  She had food triggers and went on the Feingold Program.  Eliminating the additives helped a LOT.  After a year of medication trials and bad side effects and them not even doing what they were supposed to do, the Feingold program practically cured her.

She wasn't allowed to have chocolate bars, they have food colorings and artificial flavors and colors, but if it was a homemade snack with a good quality cocoa and REAL vanilla extract (as opposed to imitation), etc, she could eat it with no problems.  We would make a chocolate syrup from all natural ingredients and she was allowed to have chocolate milk.  When buying the right brands...she could eat ice cream, ketchup, canned spaghetti etc.  It was to find the right ones.

What most people don't realize is that it's not the sugar, or the chocolate...it's all the other c**p that's put into the same items they're eating.

So no, I don't think chocolate needs to be 100% off limits, BUT you have to put more thought into who is making it.

When someone tells me they think their kid is ADHD, I always steer them toward Feingold.  The program seems strict in the beginning and it will be a lot of work while you're learning how to make it a lifestyle change but the payoff is worth it to not have to drug your child and still get a wonderfully "normal" kid who can sit for 2 minutes, use an indoor voice when trying to get your attention, wait for a response, doesn't have major temper tantrums, can look you in the eyes and who will stay still long enough for you to hug them.  

Answer 10

Your son will do fine without any chocolate- they do not know what anything is- I gave my kids fruit and other healthy things for snacks, they did not know! And to this day they do not eat a lot of sugar- so go along with your husband- it is not going to hurt your child not to have candy.

Answer 11

~ Wow ~ I never though i'd read so many people saying No to chocolate, it's freakin chocolate for heavens sake. And your right in moderation it DOES have health benefits, here is the link so these other "chocolate has no benefits people" can see:

http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongnu...

I do think your hubby is being unreasonable butI guess he just wants to protect his child, My husbands like that with our youngest ~ he freaks out over everything, LOL!  Anyway to answer your question Some chocolate every now and then is fine, as a matter of fact I literaaly need it every now and then also.  Oh yeah my son is 4 and were about 90% sure he has ADHD, his father has it too. And he eats chocolate and just like you said I don't see any BIG change.  Let the little boy be a little boy!!!!  : )

*EDIT*  Maybe you could try and show your hubby that link, it states the MANY benefits.

*EDIT AGAIN*  Sorry I found this so I had to post it:

In children with ADHD, there is an ongoing struggle to obtain the ability to focus on tasks for extended periods of time. In behavioral therapy, ADHD children are taught to complete goals through the establishment of mini-goals and then focusing on the smaller tasks in an effort to achieve the final desired outcome. With this in mind, research has recently shown the sensory neurotransmitter, phenylethylamine, increases mental activity and promotes focus. In children with ADHD, this naturally based neurotransmitter is usually deficient and is desperately needed in the treatment of the ADHD symptoms such as improving focus and concentration.

So, oddly enough, where is phenylethylamine, PEA, found? Chocolate. In prior years, scientists had found the PEA presence in chocolate was responsible for short term mood enhancement and focus. In drugs such as Ritalin and Adderall, it is commonly known that the ADHD patient’s ability to concentrate is significantly improved. What is not known is that both Ritalin and Adderall contain PEA and may offer significant improvement for individuals suffering from ADHD and show signs of deficient PEA naturally. By consuming the prescription medications, the ability to focus and concentrate is improved thus research is now focusing on the PEA contribution that may be found in a piece of chocolate. Unfortunately, at present, the levels of PEA found in chocolate are not significant enough to warrant a definitive solution to the focus deficits of ADHD.

LOL ~ Thumbs down bc I speak the truth?

Answer 12

He's concerned and he has a right to be.  How hard is it to not give your child chocolate?  My daughter's 2 and she rarely ever has chocolate.  How much chocolate did he eat as a kid?  Everyday? For Halloween only? Maybe save the chocolate for special occassions and have your husband agree to this.  

Answer 13

Sorry, I agree with your husband.

Rather be safe than sorry... your son isn't missing out on anything by avoiding chocolate.  He doesn't need it anyways.

And your rationalization about chocolate being healthy isn't really a good arguement.  If after 5 years old, there is no chance or less chance of him being ADHD, I'm sure he'll still get enough chocolate in his life to be happy.

Answer 14

<----- Here's my Connor, love the name, lol.

I agree w/ kitkat; cross that bridge when/if you get there.  

Don't all 2 year olds exhibit the same behaviors of those with ADHD at times?  They are supposed to have a short attention span at that age.  : )

ETA:  GEEZ people, giving your child chocolate in MODERATION is not a bad thing.

Answer 15

Why would a 2 year old need chocolate anyhow? Even occasional.

Your husband is obviously concerned and you really should take his feelings into consideration and respect that.

Your son doesn't need it, so why give it to him?  

Answer 16

I can't imagine a childhood without an occasional bag of M&M's!

Answer 17

one you can tell before 5, my mom knew i had ADHD well before the doctors would diagnose me. two its unfair of your husband to assume that the things that set him off, will be the same for his son. chocolate and red dye #40 never affected me, and honestly sound like it has nothing to do with it. i never had a food that triggered it or made it worse, it was more things that frustrated me and made me feel out of control. most people i know learn to deal with it, without meds and i don't think you should limit your son from anything. just because a food makes you sick when you eat it, doesn't mean it will have the same affect on your kids. do and learn, see what happens and watch how he not only reacts now, but later in life...

EDIT: please pay attention to the people who have ADHD or have someone in there family who has it. it is not a bad thing to have chocolate sometimes and it is fine for your husband to be concerned, but not over protective. if you fall off a bike as a kid and get hurt, do you keep your kids from riding bikes, because it had some kind of affect on you?

Answer 18

growing up mormon and being told that perfectionism is the only way to go, and growing up depressed because of it, I would say that extremism, is ridiculous, I would give him thw chocolate when hubby goes to work and of course once a week, thats as often as bodybuilders will eat a bite size chocolate candy bar.

Answer 19

Yeah thats a little overkill. Or maybe a LOT overkill. At age 2 you shouldnt be looking for ADHD behavior in a child. And you definately shouldn't be looking for ways to stop a behavior that isnt exhibited. Just because your husband had ADHD doesnt meant your son will. Cross the bridge when you come to it. If your always looking for the next bridge your going to run into the wall you werent watching for.

EDIT: just for the record i have son with ADHD. I am well versed in ADHD and diet treatments since we use diet with my son. there MANY different diets for ADHD that restrict many different additives and ingredients. Even if Connor has ADHD chocolate and Red dye #40 jmay not be his triggers.

Answer 20

If that photograph of your child is current age, does he really need to eat chocolate? Since your husband has experienced it and there is no guarantee whether or not you child will develop ADHD, then it is better to avoid chocolate. But consult with your child's physician (if you have any) and your family physician to get some opinion. That would help your husband and you to make better decision instead arguing about it. Remind you, your one mistake could be a disaster in future. So better to consult with your physician.  

Answer 21

If there is a 1% chance chocolate could cause cancer in your son, would you give him any?

I guess I don't see why he NEEDS to have chocolate. He can still have non-chocolatey treats, at least until he is older and can be tested. While I don't really see a medical link between the two, I don't see a reason to give him chocolate either.

Answer 22

A little Chocolate is not going to hurt him...Moderation is the key to everything and it sounds as though you have a pretty good handle on Parenting...so IMO...you and hubby should just compromise~~Aloha~~michelle~~

Answer 23

yea thats over kill

Answer 24

I think its a little intense to not let your kid have any chocolate b/c kids love candy.  h**l, I still love candy and I'm a grown woman.  I think its way too extreme to enact a no chocolate rule when it's not even definite that he has ADHD.

Answer 25

Why make an issue about it? It's only chocolate.

If your son does have ADHD , which is very likely considering your husband's history, you are going to haveMANY decisions to make , especially about medication, since your husband didn't use any.

Leave the molehills, there will be lots of mountains.

I don't think this is about chocolate. It's about whose going to be in charge.  Some communication therapy  for couples would stand you in good stead for the future.