Do you consciously work on your parenting?

Question

If my kids are having issues with manners or responsibility or truthfulness or whatever I make it a point to work on that particular problem with them until it's resolved. It strikes me that as parents we would do well to set the same kind of goals to improve ourselves. So if I'm not spending enough time with a particular kid, or staying calm when there's a problem, or being active enough with the kids, or modeling healthy eating, or being cheerful even when I'm exhausted, or whatever, I should really be setting that issue as my goal for the next week or two or however long it takes to make it a habit to do better.

Do you evaluate yourself as a parent and keep looking for things you could do better? Do you set goals for yourself? Does it work? What goals are you currently working on?

Tomorrow's goal: give up Y! Answers, lol. Too addictive, and even though I multitask and am generally talking to my kids while I'm typing, they should have my focused attention. Tomorrow. :-)

Answer 1

My daughter is just 6 months old, but I consciously work on being a better mom too.  We're already having to keep her little hands off of electronics (she's infatuated with the receiver and the remote), so I make it a point to always offer something else for her to play with every time.  I know at this young age she's probably clueless about it, but if I work at that now, I'll be better at it when she's older.  I've read that kids hear the word "no" some crazy amount of times in a day, and I want to make sure that I don't just start giving out the word without giving her a "yes" too (something I try to do as a teacher too).  So far it's worked, and my husband thinks it's cute that I do it (he thinks it's a good idea too, but he doesn't consciously do stuff like that).  The same thing goes with trying to read to her every day.  She could care less since I don't let her eat the pages, but it makes me feel better knowing I've exposed it to her on a daily basis.  

Deliberately trying to work at parenting HAS worked for me.  I think I'm a pretty bang-up mom without doing it, but I would hate to fall into a routine of not thinking about what's best for her rather than just doing what's convenient in the moment.

Tomorrow's goal is simple:  Don't cry when she gets her shots.  I didn't the last 2 times, but you never know.  She's older, so she might associate it even more with me allowing her pain, lol.  

Good luck with staying away from here.  It's nice to get away, but please come back.  You seem like a person who has a lot to offer to other parents.  :)

Answer 2

Yes I do.  Any time that my son has a problem and misbehaves I have to stop and look at what I'm doing to see if I caused it.  If he's being really obnoxious and getting into everything that he knows he shouldn't and really fussy I know that it isn't his fault but mine since I wasn't paying attention to his tired cues and he is long overdue for a nap.

If he gets upset while we're in the store almost always it is because I didn't let him snack before we left and he is hungry, I left his sippy cup in the car and he's thirsty, or he wants to play with something that he can't.    I thoroughly believe that the majority of behavior problems are directly related to what the parents do.  So, I have to always be checking my self to see if I didn't facilitate the problem.

The goals I set are always small ones that I can easily accomplish.  This helps boost my self perception and feel like I'm doing well, which makes it easier to take on big jobs.  Rather than setting the goal of being more attentive to my son and his needs, I set a bunch of smaller ones.  One goal is to prepare lunch while he's sleeping so that he doesn't wake up hungry and have to wait while I cook.  Another is to make sure that he has snacks and water in the car.  Another is to play x, y, or z with him each day.  All together they accomplish the big goal, but they are less overwhelming and more manageable.

Answer 3

Yes, from the time we decided to get pregnant.

We sat down and mapped out our "10 year goal" list(great help to us..we had everything decided on, and just worked towards it. (Completed that list in less than 5 years).

Then mapped out our "parenting plan" list.(that was also a really good choice, it's helped many times thus far. It gave us the chance to know how one another feels and would react to situations that arise, and could compromise accordingly for things we felt differently on).

"Discipline plan" list (which has been the least helpful...because we didn't really think about the child having a personality of their own before having her lol. So that's been dramatically adjusted many times.)

We are looking for ways to improve, or adjust things in our life everyday. Financial, parenting, self help, spiritual, you name it...we love to come across something that works better than our current way.

Right now, I am cancelling the internet/cable on the 27th. We never had either up untill going on 5 months ago. It's just been a nightmare, nothing but re-runs, nothing overly helpful or educational for the kids, we still talk with family by phone more than e-mail...it's just been an all around waste lol. Should have saved my money and not ever gotten the computer.

The big thing we are focussing on now is just teaching our kids. Trying to keep a somewhat regulated schedule, which is a little tricky because of my husbands daily rotating shifts.

Our son just went through teething 4 teeth this month! That was not fun.  Our daughter won't quit picking up her new kitten...so we have to work on that. For the most part though everything runs fairlu smooth day to day. I think having a clear understanding and agreement on things to begin with, has made it a lot easier.

I'm pregnant with our third and last baby. So we were just saying yesterday "we need to sit down and make a daily schedule, and new "lists" lol. So we will be reassessing everything very soon, to see what improvements can be made.

Our major goal at the moment is to pay off the house as soon as possible (looking like about 8 years left at the rate it's going now). So we'd love to brainstorm ways to cut that down to 5 years.

Next major goal, is to have our daughter writing by the end of the year. She's doing good with everything but writing...so we can deffinately improve on that by spending a little more time on it.

My kids are young...so I'm sure things will get more complicated when they are bigger. They will be 4 and 1 when the new baby gets here.

Answer 4

I do that constantly. I recently quit smoking because my 2 year old said "mommy, look me moke like you." That was a huge shove into reality and I immediately knew that I had to quit if I didn't want to be a poor role model. A huge thing I always consciously work on is having more patience with my kids. When I feel overly stressed I ask myself if I would be that frustrated with my kids if I hadn't had a bad day at work, or whatever else is going on. The answer is always no so I give myself a time out and regain my composure. Kids (and adults) respond much better to a calm and relaxed voice.

A more specific goal right now is exercising a more set bedtime routine.

I evaluate myself in other areas of my life as well (i.e. being a wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt, employee, etc.)

I think everyone should evaluate themselves on a regular basis because there is always room for improvement.

Great question :-)

Answer 5

Yep - my husband & I are always learning, always self-evaluating, always trying to do better, always growing, always reading magazines, books & websites looking for ideas & insight, always listening to, observing & talking about the kids.

Parenting is a part of our lives, right now.  A part of my life.  I want to feel proud of my effort in everything I do, experience it all to the fullest, throw myself into it, know that I didn't do anything halfway or take any responsibility too lightly.  

That doesn't mean that we don't have fun or do other things in our life with as much vigor & determination.  Finding balance & setting priorities is just one more thing that we're always working on, self-evaluating & trying to learn more about.  

Current goals as a couple & as a family are mostly about balancing time for work, foster puppies, kids, couple.  We've completely lost bedtime, but we're not sure if that's such a bad thing in the summertime, anyway.

Answer 6

Very interesting question!

My daughter is 16 months, and we are working on manners right now.  Please, thank-you, not whining, politely asking for more (she has a large vocab).  She's at the age where the evaluation of our actions as parents is just beginning!  She has recently started copying our every move, it's incredible how important positive role modeling is, and how much they really do imitate what they see and hear!

My big one is trying not to be stressed.  I work full-time, so it's hard not to feel overwhelmed when I come home, but I consciously try to put my feelings aside when I am with her, I don't want her to pick up my anxiety or feel that I am always busy.

Answer 7

My husband and I are very much like that. Right now we are working on our son with his newly given chores, reading, and using his big boy words. That is this month. Last month we were working on designing a better schedule to fit mommy's new school hours and make sure our son was still given enough mommy time. when something consistently comes up or changes we will evaluate the situation and devise a plan of action. we are known for asking relatives, friends, google etc for the best choice. i think this is the only way to parent because as your children grow and learn, so must the parent. you must always be aware of how they are growing and what they need in the next stage. way to go for being an awesome parent. you don't find too many like you anymore =)

Answer 8

Good question! I do evaluate myself. Sometimes I will do something and then think to myself that I handled the situation incorrectly and how I would handle it in the future. It helps when the problem arises again. Being a mom is like being a teacher at the same time and your child's needs are always changing so, we have to adapt and change for the sake of the child, too. That's part of being a good, attentive, and caring parent.

Answer 9

Yes cause no matter how tired or sick i feel the kids live by example and i want them to grow up happy and confidant and be good parents them selves...