Do you constantly question your husband's manhood?

Question

Over the past year or two, around the time that my marriage hit the skids and we ended up with her having an affair and us separated and divorced (only to since move back in together in hopes of reconciling), my wife has made digs at my manhood -- despite that I have pretty manly credentials (I was a college athlete and still weight train, and can fix cars and things around the house; though my job isn't all that blue collar -- I am an art professor).

For example, there's a local beach that's kind of rocky and somewhat icky, so I bought a pair of beach shoes at K-Mart and brought them to the beach. To the kids and loud enough for me to hear, she said, "Can you believe your father ever played football?" in a way to make them laugh, adding mockingly, "Reality has to wear his orange beach shoes, or he might step on a minnow."

Or, when I do repairs around the house, I never get praise when, 98 percent of the time they end up fine, but if I run into complications, she's quick to say, "You don't know what you're doing. Maybe we should get a Mexican guy from the corner."

Most recently, I told her how the man she had been having an affair with (Timdawg) was glaring at me at the gas station as I filled up. (Turned out he was an attendant there, but I paid with my credit card at the pump.) I glared back, but thought I'd let her know after. "What are you telling me this for? You're such a wuss. He's a good 50 pounds lighter than you, and you always say you know how to fight. You should have just dealt with him if you felt he was intimidating you. Panzy."

There have been dozens of other examples of her questioning my manhood in the past couple of years. Do you do this to your husband, or does your wife do this to you?

Answer 1

Kick this ***** the h**l out of your life.....not literally of course, not good to hit a woman. She is belittling you and will continue. Best move on and get a nice woman to treat you right.

Good luck mate

Answer 2

there is a fine line between teasing and being cruel apparently Clarie doesn't know which one is which. and if they dawg is causing problems call  eddie up again.

Answer 3

No I don't. A big part of marriage is respect, and that's what my husband needs, more then love, so that's what I give him.

Not to excuse your wife's actions, but I feel like the stories you tell are very one-sided. Did we forget how before her affair you were constantly flirting and sexually fantasizing about your live-in au pair? No one should EVER be excused for cheating on their spouse, but you need to remember you weren't a perfect little angel either, something that's barely mentioned on these horrible posts about your wife on here.

One more thing, you say you are back together with her to try to work things out. If you really are, then you need to forgive her. Stop bringing up her affair. It happened. If you can't deal with it, then leave her. Staying with her, and constantly thinking about it is not trying to work things out. You both need to forgive each other because you BOTH did things wrong. You aren't perfect and neither is she. Who would want to be? I almost feel like you are staying with her because you get an ego boost from being the "good" one in the relationship. Remember the au pair. You both have flaws.

Answer 4

Maybe she wants a husband who will hit her and act like a "real man". She sounds terrible why did you choose her as a mate.  

Answer 5

I have to agree with RMF. I'm not sure what her problem is but you need to get out of that relationship and find someone who deserves you.

Answer 6

Okay first of all, what you need is a real woman in ur life! that is the first thing forget about you wife she is a loser anyway that she can not see that she has a man that loves her and will do anything around the house.... I wish my husband would be more like you! who cares if you wore beach shoes I think that is very cute... and fun also just to be yourself you seem  more then a man then any one I even know.. so  what you need to do is get away from her she does not deserve you at all!

Answer 7

my wife and I are equal partners in this relationship, we say things to lift each other up, no put downs, not even as a joke. we praise each other for our accomplishments and we are always there for each other when things go wrong. our marriage works this way and has for 17 years. if your wife has that little respect for you then leave, it's her loss not yours. you can be happy in knowing what the other guy is really getting. beleive me, you deserve better than this.

Answer 8

No, I don't question my husband's manhood. If I ever did, it would so obviously be in fun and not my real beliefs, that it would be funny. From your posts, there doesn't seem to be any reason for your wife to question your manhood. I, however, sometimes question your wife's femininity from your posts. Maybe your wife is striking out at you for some past perceived wrongdoings by you that hurt her in your relationship. She sounds like she has either some just really mean, nasty tendencies and/or some very real anger and hostility issues. She needs to see a therapist to find out why she is filled with such hate and resentment.  She's trying to push your buttons by humiliating you. She may be pushing for a showdown. The fact that she says these things in this manner in front of and to the kids, is disturbing and sad. If this just started in the last year or two, maybe you should be asking yourself what changed in your marriage about that time (other than her having the affair). If she was always as bad as you make her sound, how could you have stood it all these years?

Answer 9

h**l no!  I always make sure my husband feels like a man, especially in front of his friends.  She either has some serious self-esteem or guilt issues she is dealing with (from the affair) and feels like degrading you will make her feel better about herself.  The only other possible reason would have something to do with why you 2 broke up.  If she felt as if she was being downed or taken advantage of, then she may just be trying to get back at you.  

Answer 10

She resents you.  It sounds like she is holding a grudge against you for some reason.  She is intentionally getting under your skin.  Next time she does that, be stern and tell her you will not tolerate that %^$% anymore.  

Answer 11

No I do not. She obviously has serious self esteem issues. She is knocking you down to build herself up. You need to politely tell that these comments are rude and hurtful, and counts as emotional abuse.

Answer 12

Man, your wife needs to grow up! Most women would kill to have you as a husband, and she's been doing it the last few years??

Insult her womanhood. That'll shut her up.

Answer 13

No! Your wife needs to appreciate you a lot more. I'd be swarming over my husband if he had the common sense to wear shoes at the beach (cut and scraped feet aren't fun) and could do repairs right most of the time. I never question his manhood, he's manly enough for me and then some, I love him like that.

She's obviously still insecure about the whole break up thing, and she's probably jealous of the fact that you were still getting women etc. when you were separated but she was stuck with some lowlife who probably acted like he was a king or something, which is why your wife thinks that you need to be the same way. She feels more confident taking stabs at you because then she can think "oh, now we're back in the relationship, I'm wearing the trousers" when, really, she's just embarrassing herself.

This is just your /wife/. I'm sure the millions of other women out there wouldn't be so bitter, I definitely wouldn't, so just have it in your knowledge that she's being jealous and bitter at the moment, don't waste your time thinking about it.

If she acts like she thinks so low of you, she's obviously lying, seeing as she married you, and despite all these stabs she's staying with you. She just needs an ego massage, I highly doubt that she means any of it.

Answer 14

No I don't and never would. She obviously doesn't love you or she wouldn't cheat and act like a cow....... she doesn't deserve you. It's not too late to leave her, get on with your life and find someone who loves and respects you.