Do you enjoy my poem? Could you tell me why or why not?

Question

Rain, you are forever fleeting.

I am forever chasing.

I can't forget you...

I can't forget the way you,

Intoxicate me.

The way you pump breath into me,

The way you cleanse.

Your thunder always wakes me.

Your lightning always comforts me.

The way you paint pictures for me...

the sky forever changing.

It is all because of you.

You bring life to me...

Awaken the Earth for my entertainment.

How can I forget you?

How can I forget the way you play

beautiful tunes for me...

The way you make the water hit the tin roofs,

make it hit just the right note.

No, rain I can't forget you.

I don't want to,

You are my soulmate.

Answer 1

I loved this one it's imagery it's passion for the subject at hand it's possible attributes of  sounds becoming audible the ability to make one smell this is something that will make you immortal.

In this you are able to make people not only feel it but live it nice work bravo.

Answer 2

First may I make a suggestion?

The way your raindrops seem to

hit just the right note as they play

their tune on my homes tin roof.

I like it, some  people complain at the rain. You however recognise it as a friend and comforter.

Answer 3

I really like this poem. The personification is really great and I can feel passion from this poem. Overall the poem is beautiful but there were some lines that really got to me. Fantastic job.

Answer 4

that was amazing they way you described it i could actually use my five seances in my imagination as i was reading your poem  

Answer 5

You are using a stock structure (I say this, now I will say this,) which is predictable and adds lead to whatever you want to say. then what you are saying is vague and romantic (romance is stock expressions used over and over to save on actual thought or feeling.)

Stock Structure + Romantic expression = imitation of poetry.

If you write how you actually feel and condense it a bit you will be much much closer to actual poetry than trying to mimic the trappings of bad poems you have seen.

I like the water hitting the tin roof - even though it is cliche and you may never have seen a tin roof in your life. I haven't and I am nearly 50 years old.

Answer 6

Awaken the Earth for my entertainment.

Sheer magic!

Because you have a gift with words, you have the power to purge the many duplications and truly show the rain.

Take out all of the "way" words and replace them with pure descriptions -- thereby SHOWing rain.  

EX:  There are a great many redundant words: two forever(s) in the first two lines; two forget(s) in the next two, etc.

With the personification of Rain, you need to make sure that you capitalize it throughout the poem when you are speaking to Rain not about rain.

Ex: No, rain I can't forget you.

T.

I also feel this way about rain, thunder and lightning.

Answer 7

Nice imagery...you can hear it, smell it, see it, curl up in it and be comforted by it....