Do you ever feel like a bad parent?

Question

I just had a baby about 4 weeks ago and I have a 4 year old too. Lately my 4 yr old has been acting out more and more, not listening, telling us what to do, hiting, tearing up thing, he bit his dad the other day. When he throws a tantum (which is often) he now sreams so loud it is ear pearcing. I've tried yelling, taking certain things away, time out, spanking....nothing gets through to him. I know he is partly acting this way because there is another child in the house. I feel like Im always punishing him yet 5 minutes later hes back to doing things he shouldn't be doing. Has anyone had this problem and if so please tell me how you handled it.......I feel like Im at a loss.

Answer 1

My children are now 30 and 32 years old and I sometimes think I could have been a much better parent.  But they are ok and normal.

Answer 2

Yelling at him won't help and your right the violent act of spanking won't help, that will just teach him to hit in anger , I recommend a book called "Incredible Years" because what you are experiencing is a common problem and that book covers it all.

Answer 3

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 4 month old.  Our 3 year old started acting out a little during the first 2 months after the baby was born.  Not so much at home but at daycare.  Just try to be patient and remember to give him as much praise (when he is being good) as you do discipline, if not more.  I agree w/ ignoring the tantrums.  This is very common, just continue to show him that he is loved and have some alone, fun, time w/ him every chance you get.  Good luck.

Answer 4

yeah, not taking care of my dog....sometimes i feel like a owe a great amount of time for her...I haven't walk her outside for about 2 years. Thank god she is not fat. But shes always bored..lol that happens to EVERY parent. I have ask my mom this question before. Sometimes she said when she is fed up with my bro's behavior when he was a kid she had to hire a nanny/babysitter..or put him in some school to keep himself busy.Or put him in the corner for a few moment until he come to her and say sorry. I guess you probably had done that beofre....ask your parents...!They can give you the best advice. not us..

Answer 5

Don't worry....four is always the worst age for boys. He will get over it. You just keep reminding him that his behavior is wrong. It might take some time, but it's just a phase that'll blow over. You're NOT a bad parent, and you're doing all the right things. Good luck.

Answer 6

Yes when it came potty training as i got her to start pooping in her potty at right at the age of 14 months and then we could not get her to pee until 3 weeks ago i think maybe a little shorter i just broke down and cried cause she just keep peeing in my floor and well she told my husband that she did not want to make mom cry no more then she did not do it again she has used the toilet ever since

but it made me feel bad cause i cryed and she saw and that is the reason she quit but i don't know as it worked out for the best no more diapers

Answer 7

Sounds like a tv show with the nanny who comes to houses to help them with their child.

I have no idea how to help you.

Good luck though.

Answer 8

Yes that's normal...but it's not you!  Children have emotional hurdles to jump through as they get older...They old enough to know what's right and wrong, but not old enough to completely understand how to resolve it..so they act out. with the birth of your new child, he's probably not getting the attention he was getting before so he's acting out, because negative attention is still attention, it means the spotlights on him, not onthe baby!  Just make sure to spend time with him playing while the baby sleeps, etc....I know it's hard right now because the baby's so little you just want to sleep, but you have to make sure he knows he's loved. You're going to have no energy for awhile, you'll get used to it!!

Answer 9

Just keep consistant with him.  Always punish the bad behavior and reward the good (praising)...  Something that may help is having you and him time, where maybe dad or someone watches the baby and you take your 4 year old out to the park, or read him a book or just spend some quality alone time with him so that he feels special again..  I am sure he IS just feeling neglected, although I am sure he is not because you are on here, obviously concerned.  Also be really positive with him when he is around the baby "WOW honey you are SO sweet to share!" "You are such a GOOD helper" "You are such a good boy, mommy LOVES you!" and just give him lots of hugs and kisses when you see him around the baby or looking at the baby - that way he will see the baby as something positive and will be reassured that mommy has plenty of love to go around :)

Answer 10

yes I have has this problem. Honestly punishing him isnt going to make hime stop. Hes jealous of the new baby and wants attention from you and your husband. It would be good if you or your husband made sure to take the time to sit down and play with him..color, play a game, take him somewhere, do something thats just for him. Also if you could include him with helping with the baby that will help too, I know hes only 4 but there are ways you could get him involved like helping to hold the bottle, or covering him up, things like that. Good LUck to you!

Answer 11

I'm not a parent yet but I've always wanted to be and love parenting tips.  I love the show Super Nanny.  She is awesome and always makes so much sense.  Check out a couple episodes if you can.  She really preaches consistency (don't give up, stand strong no matter how much he screams), time out (four minutes since he is four) but time out should be in a boring corner, not his bedroom filled with toys and finally, when you discipline him, get down on his level and look into his eyes.  Good luck and don't worry, I'm sure you're doing great!

Answer 12

Yes, age 4 is known as the 'out of bounds' age.. everything they do is to extremes.  Also add in the 4 week old baby and your son is also feeling the stress and testing you to the hilt.   He wants to be sure you love him  no matter how he acts.  

Since it has only been 4 weeks since the new baby,  you're probably tired and stressed too and highly reactive.  I would suggest you think about a discipline method - time outs work in our house where my daughter (also age 4) has to sit on the steps.  It isn't very long just a few minutes of isolation.  But before I enforce the punishment, I have to explain the rules.  You may think he knows the rules and he probably does but each time he does something not allowed, stop him, tell him what is expected and then follow up each time he breaks the rules.  

The screaming and tantrums are best ignored.  He is reacting to you and feeding off of your stress, reactions, etc.  If you tell him no and he throws a fit, then walk away.  Don't punish him for the fit - that is his feelings and reactions.  You don't have to accept them and you can walk away, just don't react to it.

Hope that helps you and good luck.

Answer 13

nope