Do you ever feel lonely even when your spouse is home with you?

Question

I feel very lonely all the time.When my husband is home he is sleeping or playing on the computer. We have 2 girls and they are the only ones who keep me company. I tried to tell him yesterday that we need to talk because I am lonely because he spends all his time sleeping and on the computer. He didnt say anything and I asked him to talk to me and he said no he didnt want to talk about it now or ever. He thinks this is fine but I am tired of feeling so alone and like a single mom because I do everything!When I tell him that if things dont change I want a divorce he says its all in my head. But I am tired of being married to someone who pays no attention to me.He never is willing to talk about whats going on with us and refuses counseling. I know people are going to say talk to him not us but I dont know how else to do that. I tried talking and I have asked for counseling.

Answer 1

If things have been going as is for while and after you have tried to tell him about your feelings and getting to way to solve the matter.  Seems as he don't want to realize that he's part of the reason for things present in relationship not to steady.  So as hard as it is you must think of yourself (feelings, dreams and what you want in life).  So do what is best for YOU and that's most important, cause when you're not living a happy and satisfied life other people around you will experience it and will experience a sad and unhappy atmosphere.  So if you have did everything from your side to improve but no effort from his side then be strong and step away from the situation you're in and move to a life where you will make you're dreams and outlook and wishes of what you wanted in life come true.  Will be hard at first but as time go you will thank yourself and never look back, cause if until now no sign of improvement things won't get better only worse until there is nothing and waisted time had to go threw.  Sometimes a person realize that things was not what you thought or believed it may be and that you were not actually  that great match as you thought in beginning and the things both of you want in life is the total opposite.  I know cause in same situation and it doesn't get any better if both don't give full attention to improvement so best to except that no point in hoping and believing things will change and start to do what will be the best for you and you're future.  You are not the first that had to experience that the relationship between you and you're husband have come to a point where you become so apart that you feel alone, sad and negative and he won't listen to what you want to tell about you're feelings and so it go on and on and no improvement to situation appears to solve problem

Answer 2

Because you have your 2 girls whatever decision you make will be a big one. I do honestly feel the same way sometimes though (like right now, haha). I think that if you have tried everything in your power you owe it to yourself and your girls to be happy.

Your girls will one day grow up and become wifes as well and often children imitate the marriages of their families growing up...do you want your girls to be in a lonely marriage as well?

I think that you should try one more last time to try to talk to him and say if you don't work this out or try right now, this is it, tomorrow (or whenever) I'm going to get the divorce papers.

Good luck =)  

Answer 3

Well, you know he won't change, so leave.   If you even consider going back, don't do it  until he has taken you on weekly dates for at least 6 months  and had date days set up with the kids.

Answer 4

listen this is what i had to do to my husband , i started getting dress like i was going out and telling him to watch the kids for two hours ,while i go out . and you don't really have to go out just let him think that you are and then i would take the kids to my mother's house just to visit or my sister just to get out the house ,or the park  just don't tell him and he will come around fast because he will think that you met some body new .or talk on the phone to your girl friend like it not your girl friend and see if he respond to that but always try to look like you have some where to go or your just coming in for some where  and then he would want to talk about every thing under the sun ,do this for as long as it take no time limit . good luck  

Answer 5

Try telling him you both need to talk wearing a s**y lingerie. lt will get his attention.

You can try doing the same thing he does to you - ignore him too. He might notice you are slipping away and he will do the first move in having a heart-to-heart talk.

lf he still ignores you, have the divorce papers right infront of him and see how he'll react. lf he gives the nonchalant look, it's a sign he doesn't care about his family. Good riddance.

Answer 6

He has no respect for you.  When I tell my husband I need to talk to him he says SURE.  Your husband is letting you know straight out that you are nothing & your opinions aren't valid.  It's rude & inconsiderate.  He's lucky he's not married to me.  I probably would have thrown something at his head.  You should start planning on moving on if he's resistant to any kind of change.  Who wants to live with someone like that?

Answer 7

Although you don't mean to, your husband may feel intimidated by a sudden request to "talk or divorce." He may feel as lonely as you do, but doesn't know how to communicate that. He may also feel accused. While to you, your husband's behavior seems to be the culprit for your loneliness, telling him so is probably not the best way to solve the problem.

My best advice is to plan a couple events that he has no reason to get out of. Maybe a date night for just the two of you, maybe a family outing to a local park, amusement park, or museum. Getting him involved in positive activity may help him talk to you about what's going on, or at least provide a more sensitive ear to your issues.

Also, when you do talk to him, the best way to communicate your issues is to keep the focus on yourself, and how you feel. Tell him what would help you not to feel so lonely, and make sure that you're suggestions merely involve him, not expect him to magically turn his behavior around. Telling him how much his behavior is causing you grief may seem like the most straight-forward route to take, but it may just shut off his ears before you even finish a sentence.

If you're expecting your husband to be supportive and loving to your down moods, try to be open-minded to the fact that he may have the same issues to work with and just handles them differently.

...Oh, and do you have a wedding video? An Album? If you do get some time alone, maybe you could watch it together. It may remind the both of you why you were married in the first place and help you feel back in a moment where communicating was much more simple.

Answer 8

From experience, if you still love him and are still in love with him you owe it to yourself and to your marriage to give it that last ditch effort. Divorce is a drastic measure and though none of us can know the level of pain where you are, you do. Sometimes it takes a strong message to get a husband to wake up. My ex wife sent me on to this day and even though it resulted in her cheating (I assume you have higher morals than that), the truth is I still lost my wife. A separation would have been all it would have taken for my marriage to work. Had she just left for a couple of weeks, like she did without another man getting involved, it would have opened my eyes because it did. So if he is unwilling to listen, I think you need to send him a message. Give you and him some space to think about what you really want. Maybe this will jar him into making a response to you - just be careful though, and be prepared because it may not be the response you want.

Answer 9

maybe he is using sleeping and playing on the computer as an escape. talk to him, he could be unhappy too. if he is willing to go to therapy, you should do that. if all else fails, move on.

Answer 10

Slap him with a divorce and child support. He'll wish he had listened to you then.  

Answer 11

FORCE....HIM..TO...TALK. dont just let him ignore you like dat. MAKE HIM TALK!

Answer 12

Tll him that either he changes and pays attention to you or will find a divorce lawyer within the week ... no response , or he says it's all your head ... divorce him .

       You are both living alone anyway.

Answer 13

your husband does not want to change.  he wants to do what he wants when he wants to do it.  it's not good for your daughters to think that men lay on the couch all day and the Mommy's have to do all the work.

i hate to say it but leave and get a better life for you and your girls.  

Answer 14

sorry, you won't like this answer. sounds like you are both on the computer too much, and that the only way to start on the right track is to sit down and work it out for your sakes and for your children's. good luck, you could be alone by yourself, and lonely

Answer 15

If you are willing to be a single parent, leave him.    Since he doesn't see it as a problem, I doubt he will be willing to leave.

Answer 16

hunny, you need to show him your serious. ive been with my man for 11 years. we are HS sweethearts (now 26) and we still have lots to talk about. this does not mean he doesnt love you...you may not realize how important (yes men dont always get it). maybe tell him you want a break for a few weeks to clear your head (but really its giving him time to miss you). suggest counselling again until he accepts if you really feel its that important (and i do). communication is one of the biggest keys in making marriage work. you need to get some time for you and be happy. being a wife and a mom isnt always easy (i got 2 kids). there is a difference in a woman being needy and needing to feel loved. maybe try to show him how much you love him by doing extra special things for him to make him feel good and then tell him you want to feel like this too. dont ask him to log off the computer or whatever...wait until the right time to just start talking about whatever and get into a deep conversation...when its over tell him how much you enjoyed just a little bit of his time. i hope some of this helped and i wish you luck. dont give up until there is nothing left to work on. think of your kids as well

Answer 17

Yes I do.  Go for counseling By Yourself, to help sort out your feelings and to decide if maybe you do or don't want a divorce.  

If you decide you do, then make sure that you have money in your own account that he does not know about.  Second get training in an area that you can make a good living for you and your girls.

and Document what your husband does every evening.

Answer 18

I know how you feel. I oftan feel the same way... however my husband will talk even though it doesnt really fix anything. I think he may need  a wake up call. Instead of talking about leaving start packing or something of that sort.  

Answer 19

well if you've tried talking, and asked for counselling and he has refused, well hun your only solution now is action, he needs to see how serious u are about everything, teach him a lesson, leave for a while, maybe stay at a relative for a while, and let him miss u for a change.GL

Answer 20

Divorce him. If he still doesn't care, then it's not meant to be

Answer 21

I have been there.

Fortunately I was older, no children around, but I was lonely in my Marriage, he just watched tv all the time, so I did everything in the house & worked full time & came home to indifference.

I think you should talk to him or even get him to get some advice, as you don't want to spend year after year like this!  I did & it made me leave in the end so act now.

Answer 22

Since he's not listening maybe it's time to send a strong message.  Maybe not something as drastic as divorce (yet) but try planning a night with your friends or even just a night to go out and do your own thing (or let him think he's with you're friends.)  Tell him since he has no interest in spending time with you that you're doing to spend the evening with people who do.  Leave the kids with him and let him see how it feels.  If he's not a total moron he might get the hint that you're serious and it's not all in your head

Answer 23

I was exactly where you are,for 20 years together and married 13 years. A single mom of 4 kids is exactly how I felt.

I left him a year ago and have never looked back.

Life is too d**n short to be miserable,sweetie.

Answer 24

That was me a few years ago.  I told everyone that I was a "married single mom".  

I talked to him, asked him to go to counseling...he refused.  We are now divorced.  I would rather be alone and be lonely than be married and be lonely.

Answer 25

Honesty I think you should divorce him ... The way you describe it, it wouldn't be much of a change since he is never around you anyways ... he is unwilling to change or even talk about it!?  I think that is your only option - Divorce -

Answer 26

this is a tough one. maybe you should go to counseling by yourself. they may be able to give you ideas. also if he doesn't want to commit to the relationship then there shouldn't be a relationship.

Answer 27

You go to counseling on your own......tomorrow if possible.

I think your husband has no idea what it is exactly that you want and need from him......it's too vague a request.

Think about your husband and his friends....after spending time with them he probably doesn't know any more details about their lives then he did before he saw them.....men just aren't wired the way we are.

Get some counseling to help you to talk to him in language he can understand.

Answer 28

you may want to try including yourself in those things that holds his attention. Like when he is on the computer, sit there with him and participate in whatever he is doing. Become a part of his equation. Indulge his intellect, and stroke his ego, you should get some of the results that you are looking for.If that doesn't work, then you can always not be home when he gets there, don't have dinner ready, and leave a note for him to start dinner you will be late.You and the girls can be over your mom's or a family members house. He doesn't have to know. Make him miss you. then you will become the center of his attention. But you have to do this until your in control. You have to show him you don't need him. And when he begins to question your sudden wanting to hang out, just say to him those same things that he would say to you, tell him it's all in his head