Do you ever let your kids negotiate their punishment?

Question

I'm grounded for three weeks and I've said I was sorry a thousand times and it doesn't matter and I'm literally going insane. I'm allowed to go to work and then come home and that's it. I'd totally be willing to trade the internet & tv for the next 2 weeks in exchange for not being grounded those 2 weeks.

i want to talk with him about this in the morning before he leaves for work.

Wouldn't you agree this would be fair?

Have you ever compromized?

Isn't it a major sign of maturity that they're even willing to negotiate instead of just begging to be let off?

i need advice. THANKS

Answer 1

The purpose of punishment is to make the child never want to do it again. The consequenced have to be big enough. It sounds like that trading in your grounding for time away from the internet & tv is easier to deal with therefore it would be more likely if they let you trade that then the next time you may do it again thinking you can negotiate them down. If it sucks really bad right now then chances are you won't do whatever it was again. I'm sorry I know this isn't the answer you wanted to hear but I'm a mother of small children and have to be strong and stern and I know understand why my parents did some of the things they did. I'd take your grounding with a grain of salt and try better next time.

Answer 2

If you did something wrong, your parents will want to discipline you accordingly. You can not have control of the situation. That is a huge mistake most parents are making these days. When you are a parent, you will understand.

Answer 3

No, I don't think that it's fair. You don't control your punishments, your parents do. The most I would suggest "negotiating" would be to ASK if you are good, if you could get a day or two off of your punishment. But don't keep bringing it up, that's just annoying.

Answer 4

Okay, first of all it isn't a sign of maturity to negotiate on a punishment.  A sign of maturity would be to accept the punishment without a word and think about what you've done.  Which I noticed was very casually left out on your question.  If you've done something worth a 3 week grounding, take it like an adult, keep your lid shut and maybe Dad won't extend it.  You keep fighting this and you may very well end up worse.  Good thing you're not my kid- if my 'son' had ever tried to negotiate, it would have gotten worse.  Usually that's when I would start 'negotiating' a longer sentence.

Edit: When I refer to my 'son' I mean my brother whom I raised.  And I used to ground him.  Or spank his butt if he needed that.

Answer 5

I know you must feel very, very, very bad.

However, as a parent, I don't think it's a good thing to let a child negotiate the punishment. Well, I prefer using the word "unpleasant consequences" than punishment.

Why? When it "hurts" so bad, it must be a good choice for consequence. (Ouch!)  The reason for consequences is to help the child remember the rule, not to punish her to make her feel bad.

As a parent of three kids, I do occasionally shorten the time my kids are grounded--that is only when I see the sincerity and have some assurance that they really take it to their heart.  Besides, at your age, you only get grounded for breaking big rules/important things, right?  At this age, what matters more is the trust you lost between you and your parent(s) through your breaking a promise/rule.  During this period, showing that you really understand the reason for the discipline and showing that you want to be a responsible family member is a good thing to do.

Instead of negotiating, you can tell your Dad how you feel--not complaining, not whining, no questioning his fairness.  It's just healthy to talk about feelings and emotions. This should make you feel a little better.

Other than that, good luck.  Find other things to do for your free time(renting DVDs, catching up with school work, do a small research over topics you are interested,etc) during the coming 2 weeks. Practicing solitaire living for a short time will make you a better friend and spouse in the long run :)

Answer 6

No. It's my house and I am in charge. No explanations needed, no negotiations. For a teen, it isn't needed; you knew what you were doing would p**s me off and you did it anyway. A sign of maturity is accepting responsibility for your actions. Suck it up and stop s******g around then you won't have to worry about getting grounded.

Answer 7

No, that would be telling them that they can get away with things and take a lighter punishment. We as parents choose what would "hurt you" most in our punishments in order to teach you the best lesson. Now that you know theres no other option but to deal with being grounded, I bet you won't do whatever it is you did again and you might think twice about doing something else that is ill of judgment.  Now that they know you would rather have tv and internet taken away, they certainly aren't even going to consider it as a punishment anymore.

Answer 8

From the way you write I assume you are an adult (or close to). In that case you should talk to "him" and offer some alternative punishment for what you did wrong. Having no TV and internet access is part of grounding, though, so that should not be sufficient. I sometimes volunteer for a spanking. Perhaps that might shorten your grounding period.

Answer 9

Are you going to negotiate with a cop or a judge?

If you kill someone....are you going to try and negotiate your way out of it?

You did something wrong, you got punished...just tough it out! It will be over sooner than you know, and it shows maturity that you are not going to sit there and argue with them! Arguing is so immature, and if you do argue, that will prove their reasoning to have you grounded!

best of luck

Answer 10

Negotiating with children allows them to control the situation, as parents we choose the discipline that will take place, set the concequences for the actions and if we dont' stick to it then kids just walk all over their parents. Lets say that they did let you off with just trading the internet and tv for the 2 wks...that is giving you your way so you controlled the situations and you just got away with doing something you shouldn't have and now you get to do what you want.  The point is to take away what you really want to do, that is disciplining you.