Do you ever really get over your divorce?

Question

Its been 5 years now, and I am still bitter. I have tried forgiving him 100 times (both known and unknown to him). I'll go through long stretches where I don't even think about him at all. I haven't talked to him since the divorce even. But after all the junk I went through with him, just the thought of him being happy in the slightest just ticks me off. I have a new life with I am very very happy with. I guess I have this weird feeling that he should suffer till his last breath. I was married for 12 years, and there wasn't much of it that was good, so I am not sure why I feel like I do. So am I just not getting over "it" or what is wrong with me??!

Answer 1

its someone you planned on spending you lives together but when it separates i think their will always be that though that he or she was the love of my life like a first love but it was a first marriage(good luck)

Answer 2

I dont think anything is wrong with you. You just dislike him for what ever he put you thru. Its been 6 years for me and I Iove that he cant keep a girlfriend. I guess it reassures me that our issues were him just like they are for these other woman that were smarter than me and dumped him. I expect that I will always feel this way about him .I  know others who are divorced and feel the same about their ex. Dont worry too much just be glad you are happy now! I AM!!!!

Answer 3

It's been 8 years since my divorce and I wish nothing but happiness for my ex-husband. My life was also very miserable with him and he put me through h**l.  But he did not mean to hurt me or our life together.  So I just naturally forgave him.  Just getting out of the situation made me happy.  I also blamed myself for choosing such a man when I didn't see or know about the red flags about him.  I got counseling to find out why I made such a huge mistake and so I don't repeat the same miserable patterns.

If you are not sure why you still have feelings of misery and hate for your ex, you may need to talk to a professional specializing in marriage/family counseling.

Answer 4

I wouldn't get over it, but everyone's different. The reason I wouldn't is because I never stopped loving my husband. I think your reason is entirely different. Maybe it's time you should start focusing on yourself and your own life. Leave the past in the past and think in the now. Five years is a very long time to be feeling this way. Have you tried therapy? That may help you to be better able to deal with all these feelings you're having.  You say you're happy with your new life, but you don't sound that happy. Maybe you don't need to forgive him for everything that happened during the 12 years you were married, but just put everything in perspective and find out why this bugs you so much - why it still has the power to interrupt your present life and cause you so much grief and bitterness. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

No it was a serious part in your life. I would be supprised if you forgot all about that time in your life.

Answer 6

You may want to speak to a counselor about it or a support group, and find out why you are not able to let go the anger and vengeful feelings you  have. Once you let this baggage go you can really truly be happy.