Do you ever tell your daughters that they shouldn't do things because girls "don't do that".....

Question

I told my daughter once that,

"good girls don't spit."

Putting aside the sexual connotations of that (which were not intended, but pointed out to me later among hilarious laughter) I realized that sometimes I tell my girls that kind of thing, which is really unfair...who am I to tell my daughters what kind of girls they need to be?

I realize sometimes we do those things without thinking, kind of a knee jerk reaction, but since becoming aware of myself doing that I have curbed it completely.

Any of you?

Answer 1

I have told my daughters that it is not "ladylike" on more than one occasion. Spitting, sitting, swearing, etc.................

And........."Girls don't stand up to pee." They all tried that!

Answer 2

No. But I have heard it all my life.  Evil stepmother used to tell me that girls don't get dirty, girls don't go fishing with their daddy....

Old boyfriend...girls don't wear t-shirts! girls don't wear flannel to bed! again, girls don't dirty!  Yuck!  I didn't dump him fast enough!

Answer 3

I would not tolerate that my children spit, whether they were boys or girls. I have a daughter, and I know I will never tell her not to do some things only because she is a girl. Things are either acceptable or not, regardless of the gender of the child.

Answer 4

I have one girl and two boys and I am constantly telling my daughter that she needs to be a lady.  The funniest incident was a farting contest... the boys have heard me tell her that girls don't f**t (meaning she should do that privately)  When she let one go the boys were shocked and staring yelling hey mom girls do f**t!  Since then I have tried to explain what girls don't do in front of other people, like burping ,farting, spitting, or picking her wedgies.

Answer 5

Well, spitting really ISN'T a good-girl thing to do. She could continue that in the future, and look like a slob, so I don't blame you there. Taking away her rights, however, like saying "Good girls don't wear clothes like this" or "Good girls don't play with these kinds of toys" is a different story. That is forcing her to become your ideal. But, looking out for common courtesy and manners is completely okay.

Answer 6

I try not to tell them that but it does come out on occasion - like my oldest has always like to roll around in the grass and she is very flexible and sometimes has both her legs kicked up over her head while she is on her back..... and she is 8 now, not a toddler.  I can't explain really to her why she shouldn't do that (other than if she'd be wearing a dress in which case she is usually pretty 'ladylike').  It isn't wrong for her to do that and she is just playing but with her long legs, it just doesn't look well, ladylike.  I can't imagine saying that to my son when he gets older but truthfully, I don't think boys bend that way.

I see what you're saying but truth is, boys and girls do things differently.  I wouldn't encourage my son to spit but I'd probably be more tolerant of it.

Answer 7

My parents never told me anything like that, unless it related to ways we would move/do things while we were in dresses.

However, I have used the 'but nice girls don't do x' line of reasoning on my parents when my mom tried to insist that i hang my clothes out to dry, and I had some pieces of underwear (thongs and such) which would just look trashy hanging out on a clothesline which could be viewed from the street.

Answer 8

Spitting is disgusting regardless of whether you're a boy or girl in my opinion. So maybe instead of saying "good girls don't spit" you just simply tell her that spitting is not polite or appropriate. My daughter is only 10 months, but I can remember when I was a teen and I'd accidently curse in front of my mom she'd say "that is not lady like" or "ladies don't use that kind of language" lol in fact she still does to me now!

Answer 9

no -spitting is vulgar and rude unless there is a medical reason.  teach self respect and the fact that girls can do anything they want!

Answer 10

My mom's never told me that before , and if she did i'd prob be pissed, because theres no such thing as "ladylike." It's not 1924 anymore. Incase you haven't noticed, we wear pants to school, we can vote, we can have any type of job that we want, we drink, we smoke, we curse (although those three things arent that great for anyone to do) and we do anything that men do. And if spitting is part of that so be it.