Do you ever think about what life would be like for yourself and your husband/partner without the kids.....?

Question

I asked my husband this the other night, he is stepdad to my two daughters and we have one child together. I asked because I do sometimes think about how our life would be with just my husband and our son. Things would obviously be very different, and in some ways better.

I do not think this makes me a bad parent, I think it is a very natural and normal thing to think of. He did tell me that he thinks that sometimes, is words...."of course I do." He seemed reluctant to tell me though until I admitted that I think about it every once in awhile.

So do you think about it or not?

Answer 1

Yes I have. I would most likely have my house paid off, be working, going out with my partner and our mates, but you know what? I wouldn't change it for a thing. My kids are so special to me, and I love having them around. If I had to do it over, I most likely would do the same :)

Answer 2

yes and I would be one miserable person and I'd want to divorce the husband I could never be married 19 years and have no children there would be nothing but sitting in front of the tv with him and he usually falls asleep, my kids are my world thankfully i have them.

Answer 3

Yup. I'd be bored out of my mind. What would I do all day? I have been "free" from kids in 22yrs lol. I'd have way too much time on my hands.

I love my husband, but if it was just me and him....all the time....24/7....no kids. Oh man.

Answer 4

Sure, I sometimes think about that.

I also sometimes think about how things might be different if I had finished college.  Or, if I had not applied for the job that lead to my meeting my husband.  Or, if his wife hadn't left him when she did.  Or, if my kids hadn't been conceived at the exact time that they were conceived.  Or, if I had not had that midnight bowl of cereal last night...  

But, most of the time, when I think about 'what might have been different', I usually end up thinking 'whew!  I'm so d**n lucky that things randomly turned out exactly the way they did!'

Answer 5

I never have, no. But this question made me do so just now - and all I can come up with is we would have more money, more freedom to be spontaneous, our house would be cleaner...I could probably go on and on.

BUT

All of that is negated by the amazing love you feel for your children, and watching them do things for the first time and learn/grow. Hearing them say "mommy!" when they see you and have a huge smile on their face. All of those kinds of things completely overshadow any "positives" that would come with not having any kids.

Answer 6

I think about it too. I love my kids to death and my husband. They are all my world. Things do get tough though, esp. financially, so I do wonder if it were just my hubby and I, would we be better off with money, or jobs, just everything. I think it's natural to do so, although in the end, I would do it all the same!

Answer 7

If we didn't have my fiance's kids, we wouldn't have to pay his ***** of an ex-wife $1,000/month... we could hve our own child and I could be a stay at home mom like I've always wanted... our lives would be AWESOME!

I do feel guilty for thinking those things, because his kids are great and I love them with all of my heart.

Answer 8

Oh yeah! I think about it. I love our little girl to death, she's a ball. But still, you miss being able to do whatever you want whenever you want and sleeping through the night and being accountable for only you. And as far as step children, yeah, I imagine that one too b/c it's tough to have a husband who's got a silly ex (I use silly VERY lightly). Kids can complicate stuff...but then again, they can make stuff soooo much more fun too, like Christmas, and mornings, and simple stuff like eating can be pure adventures with little kids! I wouldn't trade it for the world...but sometimes I would give someone a dollar to take 'em! :) (just for a little bit though)

Answer 9

I do miss taking off to Vermont at a moment's notice, elaborate dinners out, and having money again.  But for some unexplainable reason, I wouldn't trade making popsicle stick coasters and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

I agree, it's perfectly healthy to fantasize, miss it, and memorialize it.

Answer 10

I have to honestly say I really don't think about it.  When you asked this question, I did think about it.... and I can't even imagine it!  Its something I always wanted since I was little, to be a mother.  And we moved 2 years ago and probably 99% of my really good friends I made through my kids.  So my life would definitely be drastically different without them, and I feel comfortable saying it would not be better.

Answer 11

I think it is a natural train of thought for parents. I know that going through out my day, especially if I am busy and running around here and there, I think that it would be so much easier to do with out a child attached to my hip. And as you said, I don't think it makes us bad parents. I even think from time to time that I miss doing the things I used to do before I had my daughter. For example just getting up ang going out with my friends for a night at the bar and not having to worry about a babysitter or getting up a 6am to take care of her. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and I wouldn't give up being a mother to her for the world, but sometimes my mind does wander. Trust me, you guys are not alone!! :)

Answer 12

I actually asked my mom about this, as well as what it would have been like if she had been working full time while we were young.

She told me that a lot of things would be easier, especially financially.

She also told me that if she could go back and change either of those things she would do it exactly the same without hesitation. Regardless of how much easier it might have made things, her dream was always to have us, and without us none of it would have mattered.