Do you ever think of what you would not be able to do if your spouse died?

Question

I have seen T.V shows that point out a women not being able to get the platter down after her spouse dies or the man who lives on take out because his wife cooked and he doesn't know how. What is your significant others role that you would not be able to do, and what do you think your spouse would have trouble with if you died? To me it is like something I learned in the Army... I only remembered this because of someone else's question... Anyways here it is... Its like back in the old days with Army tanks. They use to teach each soldier his own job and only that. The driver could drive, the shooter could shoot and the navigator could navigate. They found this to be a problem when one got shot which happens. Without the driver they weren't going anywhere just sitting ducks, without the navigator they had no idea where they were going, and without the shooter they couldn't defend themselves. Now everyone in the tank has to know how to do everything; it just made sense. Well?

Answer 1

i lived without him a few years back, so i guess i'd be able to do it again. there's no practical work that i couldn't do and vice versa

it'd be a bit of a shock though :-(

Answer 2

Well, my brothers ex-wife died in a car accident yesterday at the age of fortyfive, maybe I should ask him. I don't really concern myself with such things, I'm to busy worrying about how my husband and I are going to make it together. ;-)

Answer 3

I would not be able to set up any home electronics without him.  I am basically clueless when faced with all those wires and cables and inputs and outlets.  I would likely end up with a tv that gets one snowy channel and just learn to live with it, lol.  (Cuz quite frankly, I don't really CARE that much about it!)

Both my bf and I are pretty self-reliant people though.

Answer 4

As horrible of a concept as this is...I cant really think of anything I cant do.  That I have to have him for.

cuddling and s*x I guess....

I'm pretty sure this is a good thing...why do I feel bad about it?

Answer 5

My husband and I were individually each pretty capable ~ I'd been brought up to do a lot of the 'handy' type things around the house and had learned a little about car care and maintenance, that type of 'typical' male role, and he'd been raised in a family where everyone learned how to cook, clean, sew ~ all the survival skills plus he was a genius at making and mending, he was so good with his hands in non stop ways, lol.

After he died, I don't think I really realised at first how different stuff like getting home repairs done would be. Because my husband was excellent at carpentry and building, for example, he could easily put up a trellis in the garedn or whatever. I CAN do all that stuff, but for him it would be an afternoon's work, for me it's planning, figuring it out, then doing it, it's a long process.

I could still survive, but in many ways it was much harder and on some occasions I've had to hire people to do things my husband would have easily done.

Fact is, I think you can learn everything each other does and be really good at it, but when your spouse dies, you miss them doing that stuff, even if you can do it yourself. It's about working in a partnership, and doing for each other. Just doing it for yourself is automatically less fun, mostly it's just a chore, where doing it with your partner can mean a day of fun, laughter and joy ~ and an evening of togetherness to follow.

Sometimes I think people stop doing stuff after their partner dies because it's just them and who cares?

Best wishes :-)

Answer 6

It's the littlest things which you miss the most. The primary thing which most of us do not know how to do is not laundry or yard work; it's how to be alone.

When something on tv or a movie is funny because it's related to an in-joke you had, but there's no one there to give that look of understanding.

When there's food in the fridge that no one will eat. You bought it out of habit.

When there's a show or movie on tv that he loved, but he's not upstairs for you to tell about it anymore.

When the bed gets messy, and you have to be the one to make it every single time.  

When you've had a bad day, and there's no one to vent to.

When you walk through the house at night, and it's quiet.

Answer 7

I'd have terrible trouble keeping the children under control, my husband is much better at that than I am. Other things I couldn't do would be fixing anything electrical, or the plumbing or anything, my husband is brilliant at all that.  But we have plumbing insurance so i could always get a man in to do that stuff.  and I'd miss having him take me out in the car, but I'm used to getting buses anyway when he's not around, so I'd just get more of them.

The only thing I can think of that would be a problem for my husband if I died would be that there'd be  nobody to look after the children while he was at work, he'd have to pay someone to do it.  And he'd have a job answering the metaphysical questions frequently posed by the children "Why do people die?" "When did eternity start?"  etc.  He's good at answering questions on practical matters, but hasn't much patience with philosophical speculation. Other than that, I don't think there's anything, he does just about everything better than me.

Answer 8

I would not have a spouse that could not take care of themselves, thus no need to think this.

Answer 9

Exactly. I fear for my kids if I were to pass away cause I do everything. It's just so obvious to me what their needs are. My husband....arrgh, He needs to be reminded constantly of what needs to be done and he won't do anything on his own.

Answer 10

Honestly, I highly doubt I could make it on my own. At least make it and live an average, middle class life.

I am a teacher and although I do have a masters and I work in a specific field, I don't make enough money to support myself and my two kids comfortably without any worries of putting food on the table.

As for being able to do daily things like cooking, cleaning, etc. I would manage fine without him but my husband is our primary source of income as well as being my lover, my confidant, my shoulder to lean on and my best friend.

Answer 11

If my husband died, after I got over the paralyzing grief, I admittedly would have some issues with dealing with maintenance of our homes and cars. I know enough to call a repair man or my dad, that's about how far my knowledge goes on that topic.

If I died my husband ,thank God, is a very hands on dad, but my daughters hair would be a mess!!! Shed look like a hobo!!

And even worse he might call his shrew of a mother to step in and help him!!! That would be enough to make me rise from the grave!!!

Answer 12

I am not concerned that I would not be able to do everything I am concerned if I would want to do anything.  My wife and I have been married for forty-five years and we are as one person.  We think alike. We act alike.  We like the same things. It scares me sometimes that we are so dependent upon each other. We are as one person. I guess that this is the way it is supposed to be.  That is the way it is.

Answer 13

You put an interesting point. Thank you, you got me thinking on things I should do.

Answer 14

Because I married late in life, I was accustomed to doing everything for myself.  He was accustomed to hiring whatever service he needed.

I would find it difficult to "go on" emotionally without him, but because of his health condition, I'm preparing for that.  He has taught me well about how to handle his affairs and whom to call.

Answer 15

WOW...good question and even better point to go with it. This one sure made me think....

The thing that would be hardest for me would be the lack of money. I have a job and make enough money to support my son (from a previous marriage) and I - but, with my new husbands added income, I can do alot more and live with alot less stress knowing that there is another income to help pay the bills.

As for an actual thing that I would not be able to do - there isn't any. I have lived on my own, with my son,  for over 13 years and anything that needed to get done - got done. If there is a will you will always find a way.

But, saying this does not mean that I do not need my husband  - he is very handy around the house, helps to open containers that I have difficulty with, encourages me to be a better person, cooks good dinners, and more...

Answer 16

I personally would be able to everything pyshically, but mentally it would be unbearable.

Answer 17

Not married, yet.  But right now I'd be perfectly fine if my bf died.  Well, not fine, but in terms of your question, I am self-reliant.  If I can't do something, I know how to call a plumber or electrician and there are these pretty amazing things called step-stools for reaching the top shelf.  If I had kids, that would be another story as my current salary wouldn't be enough to support us.  

My bf would also be OK as he's lived on his own for many years.  He doesn't need my help with the laundry or dinner.  He'd be a pretty great dad, too and his salary would be enough to take care of any children if we had them.