Do you expect your older children to care for the younger ones?

Question

I have a co-worker who has a 4 year old kid. Today she was complaining about how her older daughter (I think like 14 or 15) didn't want to baby-sit. Her daughter's argument is that it wasn't HER decision for her mother to have a kid, and she has her own life, so why should she be forced to care for someone else's kid? It's their kids and their responsibility. She wouldn't even do it if they offered to pay her. So, they grounded her and pretty much force her. The other ladies agreed that was the right thing to do.

Not being a mom and not caring to get into an argument with a bunch of older ladies, I didn't say anything. But, in my own head, I was thinking about how I agree with the older daughter. It's not HER kid, nor was it HER decision to bring a baby into the house. Why should she be forced to watch him? It's one thing if she volunteers, but to make her?

I was just wondering what the rest of you moms or even older siblings though.

Answer 1

I do yes. I expect all my kids to pitch in and help the house run. My kids don't ask for a room or a house or a sibling.. but they are expected to help out. We do have family meetings and if they feel that their chores are unfair or too much... I will see what agreement we can reach. I do often pay for babysitting. But I do expect my kids to help out in all areas. That is life. You dont' live for free.

I also think that it is unfair for the child to babysit all the time and miss out on their own life. But I do expect childcare, housecleaning, and other things around the house and yard. That is just me. I was raised to work for what I have and to function as a family unit as a whole and to work hard and than play hard.

Answer 2

Yes with in reason.     Like if i was going to dinner with my wife I am not going to get a sitter for the two of them and i am not going to let the older one go out to a party, movie, friends house etc if i am not home in case of emergency, so he/she will be home anyway so Yes watch your sibling.  

Now if i went out ever week or something similar (first off i think that is irresponsible as a parent  but if i did )  that is not fair to my older child because they would have no life.

I knew a guy who's mom made HIM stay home with his sick sister from school.  She owned a business with her brother and could take time off but they both  had to miss school.  She also went to night clubs and parties and made him baby sit.  In high school i saw the mom at things i went to  with my friends, movies, the fair, etc. and he had to stay home and watch his sister. THAT IS ABUSE AND ABUSE OF YOUR POWER.  He , in my opinion, missed out on so much because mom was selfish and not finished parting.

Answer 3

Parents give children chores.  Refusing to babysit is the same thing as refusing to clean her room, do laundry, etc.  If I had older children, yes, I would expect them to help out unless they had school commitments (sports practice, dance lessons, etc), esp. during the week.  The weekend I would be more flexible.  I guess it would also be good to know why the mother or father couldn't look after the child.  If it was because of work, I would definitely expect the 15 year old to help out.

Answer 4

I only have one son so I don't have that issue but I agree with you and the daughter because I WAS that girl. I feel like I've practically raised my little brother (who is 10 years younger than me) and it's absolutely unfair. If I have another child later I would never dream of forcing my son to care for them on a regular basis. I don't think babysitting every once in a while would be too much to ask but I wouldn't expect him to. If I have a kid, it's my job to raise them- not pawn them off on their siblings.

Answer 5

I think if the older kid is going to be around and doesn't have plans then I don't see why it is such a big deal. My oldest are 13 yr old twins and I have them babysit my 8 yr old sometimes but only for like 30 minutes at a time. They've never given me a hard time about it. They are going to be here anyway. Why should I have to drag my 8 yr old to the store if I have two kids of babysitting age here sitting around? I guess I am lucky that my older two have never seemed to mind. Maybe that's because I have raised them to not be selfish and to care about working together as a family.

If they didn't get along with the younger one and really gave a hard time, then I wouldn't even feel comfortable leaving them to babysit anyway but I don't have that problem.

Answer 6

I'm a mom of 2, soon to be 3. We will not be having anymore kids after this, I'm getting a tubal. We agree 100% (my husband and I), that it is not our kids place to care for the younger ones. We don't get the logic in it when other parents insist "they should help". NO they shouldn't. They didn't lay down and get pregnant, they don't have to help the PARENT raise the kid/kids! It erks me...and I feel sorry for the ones forced to play momma.

Of course, it'd be lovely to have the older child offer to take the younger to the park and play for example. I'd never demand it though. It isn't their child, nor their responsibility.

In my opinion, parents that do that are just being lazy with their responsibilities. When my children have children....thats when they will be in the role of mom or dad...not before.

Answer 7

I disagree with you.  I think having an older child watch their younger siblings is part of how a house works.  There are certain things that a family does to function and that just so happens to be one of them.  Now granted if my oldest daughter has plans or something I'm not going to make her break her plans to watch her sister but if she doesn't have plans then she will watch her.  It's also good responsibility for her.  No, I don't pay her either.

Answer 8

i agree with the daughter. it wasn't her decision to bring a baby in..she didn't have s*x. her mom did. i think its atrocious to EXPECT her to babysit...especially all the d**n time. i would run away

Answer 9

I have a friend who is 12 years old, and raises her 4 younger siblings. Their ages are 7, 5, 2, and 11 months. Her parents say that kids these days don't have enough responsibility, but we do!

it's not like we don't have to worry about school, family, friends, and chores! life right now is really hard for us, and i don't think adults see how we're effected by how screwed up the world is right now.

I'm all for watching your siblings every once in a while, but this poor girl watches, cooks for, amuses, and cleans up after these children every day. Her parents yell at her for not being happy, and they don't see that they're the cause. I'm the youngest of my family, but my mother almost never made my older sisters watch me. I mean, she did if she had to run to the store for 30 minutes and didn't want to have a baby sitter for such a short time.

To all you parents:

KIDS DO GET STRESSED OUT. You may think that you are the only ones getting affected by the economy, and possibly the lack of money in your home, but really, older kids (starting around 9 or 10) are getting really scared. WE DON'T WANT YOU TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WORLD, because it makes us feel bad. And whatever you do, don't force your kids to watch your other kids all the time. sometimes it's fine, but you wouldn't want to throw away all of your child and teenage years watching over children when it wasn't your choice to have them.

Answer 10

if the 14 year old didnt wanna babysit then i would just hire an older babysitter and have BOTH the 4 yr old and 14 yr old babysat. see how the 14 yr old feel then lol.

Answer 11

i agree with u n the other person, my son is going to be 7yrs older than his baby sister who is going to be born in oct, the only thing i expect from him to do is, to clean up after his self/room...and if i ask him to help me feed/get a bottle so he can bond with her...other than that=he already told me=MOMMY I WILL NOT BE DOING NOT DIAPER CHANGES/GETTIN UP N MIDDLE OF NIGHT WITH U=and i told him baby i dont expect u too, cuz thats her daddies job to do that :)  yea some people might argue n say, she needs to cuz its her mom to help her out=and by doing this early she might not want a child=then again it could back fire and make her want one, by saying i took care of my moms kids early why not=mom layed down to have the baby, she can watch her own child, unless older sis volunteers

Answer 12

Yes, I would expect that, my older brother took care of me when I was little, but he helped take a bath or fed me, but he didn't really babysit me becuase he's only 4 years older than me. I guess it's ok if the daughter was forced to do it, but also  if the mom payed her or something. Wow!I can't believe she didn't want to do it for pay!I babysit here in Mexico and I only get $ 2.50 an hour, I wish I could babysit in the US! =) Greetings from Mexico.

Answer 13

I think it's wrong. I totally agree with you. It wasn't her daughter's choice to bring the baby into the world, it wasn't even her choice to be brought into the world, so why should she be stuck with that responsibility? I have 3 kids, 5, 3, and 9 months and I would NEVER leave them with somebody who wasn't experienced with children (as a result, we don't go anywhere or ever have anyone babysit, but at the same time it was my choice to have children and I don't expect anybody to babysit and I wouldn't "palm them off" to anybody) I look back to when I was 13/14 and willingly babysat for money, and I think to myself, how on earth could they leave their kids with a kid??? It was lucky for those people that I was responsible!!!! But definitely a no, she shouldn't have to babysit him!!!!!!! Just pay somebody else if they REALLY need a babysitter.

Answer 14

i can see how the mom would think her daughter should help but she should also look at it as a job if it were any other kid but her own who said they couldnt baby sit that night would she get mad? like your right it wasnt the daughters choice for her mom to have a baby so it shouldnt be her responsibility i know my mom never made us baby sit but if i didnt have plans thats night then i wouldnt mind

Answer 15

My oldest (a teenager) will occasionally babysit for us, if husband and I want to have a "date night."  We compensate him for this and it's certainly not a daily requirement.  We go out maybe once or twice a month.  

I don't think there's anything wrong with older kids babysitting the younger one(s) once in awhile.  But I have heard of teens being expected to babysit younger siblings every day in the summer and that's over the top.

Answer 16

My 15 and 12 year olds watch my 5 year old a lot.I appreciate it and pay them for it. With the two of them if one of them wants to go out with a friend it works out. I work from home anyway so it is not often that they are really stuck with him -- only when my husband and I run errands without them or something like that.

If they ever complained I would do what I could to get work done at other times -- though I think my work should be the priority.

Answer 17

We do expect our older children (15,12, 10) to help out with their younger siblings (6, 4 and 2)  my husband and I feel that’s apart of being a family.  That said we don’t expect our 15 year old to be our default babysitter. Often the times when we do go out we use a teenager who lives 2 blocks from us. Our 10 year old loves to help out with her younger siblings

Answer 18

I'm not a mom yet ... but I am 6yrs older than my younger brother, and i was never asked to watch him. My mother herself said it wasn't my decision to get pregnant and have a baby therefore it isn't my job. Eventually though i started taking my little brother outside with me just so my mother could have an hour or two ... but my mother NEVER expected me to watch him she found someone else even if it was a neighbor and i was gonna be home ... even if she had to take him with her.

Answer 19

i agree with you - it's not right to expect a 14 year old to babysit their younger siblings constantly.

my kids were 11 years apart, and yes, sometimes i had the older son watch the younger one (if i had to get groceries, etc).  but i never forced the issue...

and i think your decision is great, if that is what you want.  some of us don't want children, and that is just fine!  take care.