Do you expect your teenagers to rebel (aka be disprespectful, rude, and make bad choices)?

Question

I personally am appalled by the attitude today towards teenagers in Western society. They are treated with such stereotyping and when they do make good decisions it is overlooked. They are expected to act out and act up. People say 'it is hormones', but when a lady is pms'ing, she is still expected to function at the same level even though she is experiencing a hormonal change.

I expect my kids to experiment and try new things. I expect that they may have some bad days and moods with the changes they are experiencing. But my kids will not be allowed to be disrespectful, rude, or in general the little monsters that society says 'is normal'.

That is not normal. Not even 4 generations ago these hormonal teenagers were adults, running farms, married by 16, having babies, and were full functioning young adults starting a family life.

I am curious how many people expect their kids to 'rebel' and how many expect them to still act with dignity?

Answer 1

I so agree with you. Teenagers get a bad rap and stereotyping is rampant. Not all teens rebel and not all teen are rude, disrespectful or "little monsters".

I am the mother of 4, 3 of whom are now in their 30's. None of them pushed their limits because they knew far before their teen years that those limits were set in stone. I currently have a 14 year old daughter who is clear about what her limits are. Back talk and disrespect is never tolerated and punishment is the consequence if she ever tries to push those limits.

I too dislike the "hormone" theory. Blah! Respect is respect, plain and simple. While I certainly understand that she is going to have bad days just as anyone else, I will never tolerate her being rude..........therefore she is not.

Answer 2

I have been blessed with a polite well mannered 16 year old girl. I love that almost any adult she comes into contact with will say what a lovely child she is. And amazingly she has no interst in s*x and went out and bought herself a purity ring. She helps teach a childrens karate class for underprivledged youth. I hope she can help guide my 12 year old. (Please please pleeeaaaseee!)

Children and Teens really have lost touch and are just in general disrespectful. Growing up I called my dad sir. You don't hear that level of respect anymore, its rather ashame.

Answer 3

The stereotyping is unfortunate however when you watch the news that is all you see the bad unfortunately and most times the amount of bad outweighs the amount of good. There are alot more teenagers out there doing things that they shouldn't be doing, creating this stereotype. I think that the parents are to blame for this because they are not involved with their kids. They have the attitude as long as they don't bother me I don't care what they do.

I expect that my children will make bad choices, we all do and learn from them. I expect that they will do things that I will be unhappy with. What I do expect from them is to have self-respect and respect others, work hard and be successful. To make a positive contribution to society.

Answer 4

Unfortunately today many psychologists say that "we must hurt our children's psyche, by expecting them to be respectful:- yes I have heard this. I have 2 teenagers, one who is 16 and one who yes, in my eyes is still a teenager- he is 19.  Society considers that at 19 they are adults- however, look at the number, there is still TEEN in the age.  My 16 year old is very respectful, and for the most part a very good child- of course children, and adults alike are not perfect.  But our 19 year old, almost expects us to cater to his every whim, and he thinks he is allowed to disrespect us because "he is not a child anymore"- well that "adult" went one step too far, and is not living in friends in another city, for the past two weeks, and blames us for having rules for him.   At 19, there are still rules. I did not expect him to rebel at all, as a matter of fact, I was thinking that both of kids probably wouldn't because I didn't.

Answer 5

I agree. I have an 18yr daughter, 16yr son and 13yr daughter and they have their moments where they're moody or cranky just like everyone else. I think teenagers are a little more of these things than other ages...but being rude and disrespectful ISN"T normal and doesn't fly in my house.

I've taught my kids morals, values, respect and responsibility and I expect them to use them and show them. I expect them to make mistakes along the way, but learn from them. I expect them to not like a decision myself or my husband makes for them and be disappointed, but I don't expect and will not tolerate yelling, screaming and foul language to come out of their mouths afterward.

My oldest was a piece of cake to raise. My son on the other hand was a challenge, for he made a few really stupid mistakes that lead him into a whole mess of travel. Rather than punishing him for a month like so many parents would do, we went to speak with a professional, sent him to programs, went to programs with him and got him out of the environment in which was causing him problems. He's now in a school 1.5hr away and LOVES it. His calls and e-mails are filled with detail and excitement. When we go to see him, he's filled with joy and smiling. What a change! Where would he be if we never helped?

I think those kids who "rebel" over and over come from families where the parents don't care at all or parents that watch 24/7 and allow their kids no freedom rather than teaching them certain things and giving them so trust.  They end up in the same place.

Answer 6

I expect them to make mistakes, and yes, to have bad days, everyone does.

But I agree with you, that doesn't include being disrespectful and consistently rude.

It's not hormones.  Everyone can control their bodies and emotions despite hormonal ups and downs.

It's a childhood of training, expectations, example, and guidance on the parents' part.

Answer 7

i completley agree. The teenagers today do not have ANY respect for authority or their elders. My 5 yr old nephew said the f word to me and i found that to be VERY disrespectful and i am only 22. My husband addresses anyone older as sir and maam, (he is a southern gentleman) and i am raising our son to do the same. Teens and children are going to be just that, but it is up to the parents on how far the children are allowed to take it.....

Answer 8

Mine are not teenagers yet.  But when they get to that point, I fully expect them to rebel, and make stupid decisions.  And then I expect them to face the consequences, whether those consequences are a punishment from me, or something caused directly by that bad decision.    hopefully they will learn from their mistakes.  However, as a high school teacher, I agree that people let teenagers get away with way too much.  I get zero respect from the majority of my students, and i would hate to see what they are being allowed to get away with at home.

Answer 9

I can hope for the best, but I'm also realistic... With how adults are these days, I can't expect much from the teens, when there are bad examples, everywhere in society... That's like expecting them to be something that isn't even shown to them... How many adults lose their temper over stupid things? Cuss over little things, have road rage, engage in promiscuous activities, are disrespectful to others, take the easy way out, without exhausting some possibilities (getting divorced, after a year of marriage, etc.), and the list goes on.

Until adult behavior changes, I don't believe the teens will just invent good behavior... That's not to say I will tolerate my own kids being blatantly rude, however. I have 3 kids, plus the last one is on the way... My oldest is 10, and my daughter is 9, thinks she's going on 16, and I definitely do battle, in order to keep her in check.

Adults need to lead by example, cause the 'Do as I say, not as I do,' no longer works... Kids and teens will call us out on our BS. :)

To answer your original question, I expect both... They *will* rebel, but, they will also be basically good kids.

Answer 10

Well I don't expect them to be rude and disprespectfull. I think the teenagers that are like that haven't had a good upbringing. I expect my kids to have bad days and make mistakes, we all make mistakes. My oldest who is three is acting out so bad its not funny. Could be the fact i'm having another baby or he is just acting out cause he is in that stage. I know he will get over it, well he better get over it. I would rather him get it all out now than when he is a teenager. His dad is teaching him to wrestle and I really don't want to get pounced on lol.

I think kids will act how they see their parents act. The monkey see monkey do is very true I think.

Not sure if my kids will rebel or not, the way its looking my kids already are and they are itty bitty. Still love em and will teach them the best I can.

Answer 11

I personaly am a teenager and can't agree with you more. Stereotyping makes life more difficult than it needs to be (tough town wide curfews suspious authorities) as its hard to overcome such a large public opion. You almost start to beilize it, as it is eaiser than changing it. As it is Children and teens are the only members of society who can be biased against legally.

Answer 12

I expected my kids to be respectful and make good decisions. Unfortunately, they are the typical American teenager and I'm ready to explode. Most of our problem is that my hisband does not discipline them (they are my step kids, but they live with us). If they get in trouble in school, I feel they should also get in trouble at home. My husband feels that they have already been punished. I feel like he's letting everyone else disipline his children. The old saying is true "It takes a village to raise a child." However, if the parents aren't following thru at home and letting them know that their actions are unacceptable, then what you get are the little monsters you're referring to. God help us all!

Answer 13

I expect my teenagers to obey the rules, respect authority and learn.  I expect them to be kind and considerate to everyone around them and I expect them to make me proud of their behavior.    They do all of these things.  They're good kids and I thin it's because that's what we 'expect'.  

I think "expecting" teenagers to be smart mouthed brats is tantamount to giving permission to be that way!  Why on earth would any parent "expect" (and therefore condone) bad behavior?

I think we can say the same for a  two year old.  People excuse bad behavior all the time form toddlers by saying, "Oh, it's the terrible twos" or, "He's just tired or hungry".  Everyone needs to be taught to control their behavior in spite of the circumstances be it 'hormones', tiredness or whatever.  Instead of "expecting" bad behavior from any kid parents should EXPECT good behavior.  It works in our family and some other families I know.

Answer 14

I'm the parent of two teens. One is compliant and pleasant most of the time, and the other is defiant, disrespectful, and rude. No, I didn't *expect* my kids to rebel, and I certainly didn't raise them to be anything other than well-mannered and helpful. But one has chosen the path of destruction and is earning his ticket to a high security wilderness camp.