Do you feel it? Your thoughts please?

Question

Sorry posted the wrong version last time

Servant

I feel it in my head

An accelerating force

I’m in the lions den

I feel the dripping roar

It starts to climb in me

It’s chasing through my skin

I teeter off the mark

I’m on my knees again

This pain is punishing

My panic is my master

The heart and beating head

Hits me hard and faster

I’m on the move again

While the panes freeze

This constant push and pull

I think its killing me

My waxen walls melt

The voices push forward

Everything is closing in

Summoning in the chorus

I heard the ball drop

It’s sitting at my feet

I hear the tick tock

As it starts to swallow me

Answer 1

well done

Answer 2

i really like this poem im not playin is hot!! i like it alot

Answer 3

This was perfect, but for a few, very tiny grammatical mistakes. Will you allow me to make the corrections?

Line 3: You need an apostrophe, because it is possessive. So, "I'm in the lions' den"

Line 12: This is not parallel sentence structure- in order for it to be technically correct, it should say either "Hits me hard and fast" OR "Hits me harder and faster" It isn't a BIG deal, but for nitpickers like me...

Thank you for sharing this- I appreciate having the chance to read this. ^^

Answer 4

Feel it, feel it!!! I not only feel it I have lived it a long time ago, I love it, well done!!! I'd give you points if I could flawless!!!

Answer 5

I Feel the cry of silence,

Absence in your voice.

How you overcome this,

really is your choice.

I Sense The chill of darkness,

where indeed there should be light,

The total lack of worthiness

that you need so, to put right.

Take a hold your courage,

mix it with your strength,

then once again,my friend.

Your living will commence!

Answer 6

I FEEL IT ALL RITE FELT IT MORE TIMES THAN ONE.....

Answer 7

Well I answered the other post darn it.... I wish I had a copy of what I said.

I know I said it was the best thing I've seen you write and I could tell you managed to get it all down while it was still fresh in your mind. It was smooth, you didn't struggle with it. It made me connect with you because I got it, every word of it.  I also said that I felt sometimes you get an arrow shot at you but you are not their target... and I felt  that may also be part of this meltdown of which you write. I know you wrote exactly how you felt in a poetic way.

Answer 8

DL - Is this everyday..The thoughts translate so well to the page and I think you will find plenty of company in this theater of dysfunction. Not many of "us" will spill so freely...there is another psychosis in itself..HAH

Answer 9

This is so very frightening.  It summons all those panicked feelings that one can barely keep in check...."My waxen walls melt    The voices push forward   Everything is closing in".  I have been here, am often here, and feel so deeply these words. You have captured an essential state of mind that is somewhat esoteric but sensed by all.  Very powerful.  Thank you.