Do you feel like being a SAHM makes you less interesting/attractive?

Question

I am a SAHM and have found that in social circles, I feel very left out when people talk about work and the people they meet, places they go etc. I absolutely love being a stay at home mum, and could talk about my daughter and all the things we do forever, but unless people have kids they're not really interested. With regard to my husband, I feel like he feels I'm less attractive and interesting since becoming a SAHM. When I was working during pregnancy, he would always worry that I would meet other men at work, and make an effort to keep me happy. Now he makes no effort because he knows I never meet anyone! He never asks how my day was, because it doesn't interest him yet with his female friends he will talk about their jobs with them for hours, comment on how well they're doing, how nice they're clothes are etc. I know he loves me, but it's like he views me completely as a mum rather than a desirable woman (sorry that sounds so cheesy!) like he used to. We still have a s*x life, but I feel like that's just because he wants another baby as he makes no real effort to make sure I enjoy it. I wouldn't change being a SAHM for the world, but I really feel it's changed how people view me. Anyone feel similarly?

Answer 1

Well, I am a SAHM at the moment as I am on Maternity leave until the end of September.  My partner actually says that he finds me more attractive since I became a mum because he knows what I went through to give birth to our daughter and he sees me as stronger and more mature than I was before.  Of course, that could all be a bit of flannel to get me into bed but it works so who's arguing!  I actually think that your partner may be a bit jealous of the bond you have with your daughter.  It almost sounds like he is trying to annoy you by showing an interest in these other girls whilst paying you less attention.  Maybe you come across as being very competent at being a mum and he feels like he's not needed or wanted as much as he used to be?  Men are strange like that - they can be very insecure sometimes!  Try asking for his help occasionally - it may get him more involved.  Good luck!

Answer 2

WTF is SAHM?

Answer 3

yeah i know what you mean , i used to wear lovely assesories like bangles , necklace, dangly earrings, omg, if i wore them now id have my ear lobes torn out!

as for my clothes, well yep theve usually got, erm sticky jam or porridge down them , and yep some days im sure i can smell a feint smell of pee on my jeans , but hey your a mummy!

as for straightening my hair forget it, its lucky if it sees a hair brush these days,

yep things have sure changed,

my husband and i try to get a baby sitter once in a while and go out, i get all glamed up and out come those dangly ear rings, i love it , its a real treat,

its good to have a bit of couple time together, sometimes we just do sometime easy like have a bottle of wine in the bath together, send him cheeky emails or text messages through the day.

as for your old friends, one day they will have kids, then they will be asking you for servival tips!

find some mum and baby clubs in your area there loads of mums in the same situation, good luck x

Answer 4

   I'm soooo sorry you have to feel that way. I did start to feel that way for a while, but now my husband makes sure to tell me everyday that he still finds me s**y and beautiful. He says he's always thought I was, but now that I'm here taking care of his baby and making sure she's healthy and he's happy he finds me even more beautiful. Maybe you should tell your husband how he's making you feel and hopefully he'll realize how good he has it and that he needs to let you know how much he appreciates you. Good luck.  

Answer 5

I know how you feel. When I first married my husband I became a SAHM for a short while whilst my step daughters settled. I felt as though I had become invisible. My husband was wonderful but I missed my interesting career, interaction with other intelligent adults, wearing business clothes & make up, and being frenetically busy.Before we had had endless things to talk about, afterwards he would ask me how my day was and I would just prattle. I love the girls and we had fun together but despite throwing myself into their lives and activities, keeping an immaculate home, doing voluntary work and taking up every hobby I could think of I felt boring, lonely and out of step. You are right, no one is truly interested in other people's children, and it is easy to become a woman who has little to say. I went back to work eventually and felt like myself again. It did the children no harm. The house was still well run, they still got plenty of  love & attention (one is studying law at Uni, the other is doing very well at school), and we have always been a happy and close family but I certainly felt less than myself when I was at home all day and nothing but retirement will get me out of the workforce again!

Answer 6

Stay at home mum= SAHM

i thought it was a religion at first lol.

you look the same dont you!!

you just spend time with your family :D

Answer 7

I feel the exact same. I'm also only 23 & most my friends dont have children so i feel a bit "left out" there as well because when i do meet up with them (rarely these days) i feel they all make small talk with me about children as though i dont have any other interests now.

I'm certain yr husband will love you even more than before as you now have a beautiful baby together but there is no doubt it can change the way he sees you.

I recently had a really good talk to my fiance about all this & we have agreed to go out more often just the 2 of us- get a babysitter once a week or once a fortnight & go out for dinner/drinks or something you both enjoy. Get dressed up, put nice make up on & try your brest not to talk about "baby" too much. It will remind both of you that you are a couple as well as a family & make you feel special again! x*x

Answer 8

I've been a housewife for 7 years and am soon to become a SAHM for the first time. I do agree that you have to go to extra lengths to not be viewed as part of the furniture. Is there a gym with a creche or some sort of place that you can go to on a weekly basis? If he sees that you have interests outside the home...even if they involve your daughter...then he might start realising there's more to you. It would also give you something to talk about with friends! Don't worry about how other people view you as it sounds like you are doing the best thing for yourself and your daughter so ignore the lot of them.

Answer 9

My mom calls it the "at home mom blues" and they should go away when you're kids are in college..........

I feel the same way. So I guess we're not alone (which is nice!)

I too feel out of the loop - because no matter how many kids my husbands "friends" have - they ALL work - (they also all claim single so they can afford to - but that's another story)

I've been compared to other women for the last 3 years since I chose to stay home - "she makes this much $$ a year" "she's good looking" "she lost her baby weight" "they have 2 incomes- he drives this kind of car" you name it -

I am at the point now (nice timing pregnant with twins) that I'm ready to call it quits and raise these kids on my own - just so I can get some self worth back - I feel like a hostage..........in my own home.......

however - you are doing the hardest job in the world - remember that  - you are not giving your kids to a daycare to raise - in the name of the almighty dollar............... knowing your children as they grow up is worth more than any job - any new hairstyle - any new outfit.........and if you are ABLE to do it - then do it-

Answer 10

Quite the opposite. I feel proud of it and very happy doing it...I have a lot of hobbies that I do and chat to other Mum's online about our shared interests...try to get out a bit...take up an evening class in something that has always interested you...think about what sort of career you'd REALLY love to do when your baby is older...you'll become instantly attractive if you have interests outside the home. EDIT...SOMEONE feels insecure about themselves...and thats why I have a thumbs down for a perfectly reasonable answer!

Answer 11

oh that stinks!!  i don't feel this way.... I also love being a SAHM and i think my husband secretly likes it too.  he considers it something to be proud of.  we have lots to talk about -- i tell him about our day, but we're constantly debating politics and talking about current events, friends, sharing stories, etc.  

All of my girlfriends who work WISH they could (1) be married (2) b mothers and (2) not have to go to work.  so, while you're envying others, most likely there are a few people envying you....

i think it helps if you stay connected your girlfriends or make some new mommy friends. also, stay connected to the world -- read, follow politics, join social groups, socialize with your neighbors, volunteer , work out at the gym..... drink wine with your husband and make gourmet dinners... make sure you & your husband have lots of time to hang out and be emotionally intimate.