Do you feel sorry for this couple?

Question

http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/35187

I do think it's strange that this woman might go to jail, but APs who ignore 'open adoption' agreements are not held accountable.

The couple seems so angry at this woman. But didn't they read into the situation, and fall a little too hard?

Answer 1

I think that is a really sad and terrible thing to do to anyone. I feel bad for that couple.

Answer 2

That;s a horrible deal. She should rot.  

Answer 3

Well she gave them false hope about the one thing they want more than anything after years of disappointment from not being able to have it, and she also took thousands of dollars from them and spent it on who knows what. I'd be pretty angry, too.

Answer 4

Are you saying that you don't think a person who steals $4000 should go to jail?  Is that just because this is related to an adoption scheme?  The article did not say there was an open adoption agreement involved.  Do you mean that becasue some AP's break open adoption agreements then it is OK for others to steal money from AP's?  

She is a thief and should be locked up.  She probably also preys on senior citizens and anyone else she can.

A couple befriended my 80 year old dad last year and stole $20,000 from his account.  They are in jail where they should be and their 3 kids are being raised by their relatives.

There are consequences for our actions.  Some of the consequences are suffered by others like my dad and the 3 kids.  People who take advantage of others like that SHOULD be in prison.

Answer 5

Read into the situation?  That would make sense if Blume was just HINTING that she might be pregnant and might want to relinquish.  She didn't do that.  She fraudulently set this couple up with blatant lies.

I agree that coercion is wrong, either coming from the agency, or the PAP's.  But, this is also wrong and there are laws to which this woman should be held accountable.

ETA:  

[[[  I'm all for it and have no sympathy for Paps that try and take advantage of someone simply in need of temporary assistance. ]]]]

I didn't read in the article where she claimed to be relinquishing for financial reasons.

ETA2:  Obviously, some people are still under the warped assumption that 2 wrongs make a right.  Hope I don't live near any of you, because if your house got robbed, you would probably think it's OK to come rob mine.

Answer 6

Yes I do, the woman who faked her pregnancy needs to be in jail.  

Answer 7

Well, it's definitely fraud, and the woman should be responsible for the money stolen from the couple.  But this is just one of the many things that happen when unethical practices like pre-birth matching and paying expenses for an expectant mother are allowed.  

Answer 8

No, I don't feel sorry for them.  They were trying to buy a baby and got scammed, too bad for them.

Answer 9

yeah, it must suck to think your about to be a parent then have it just taken away from you. :(

Answer 10

That's Sad!

Answer 11

s***w me once, shame on you.  s***w me twice, shame on me.  And they're gonna do it again.  Idiots.

If they weren't so h**l-bent on procuring a perfect little womb-fresh infant, they could go through foster care, get a "slightly damaged" model for much cheaper, and still have that perfect happy family they soooo long for.  Let 'em get screwed again.  Whatever.

I do not agree with what the expectant mom did, and yes she should be charged with fraud.  But if we didn't have these sickening practices in domestic infant adoptions in the first place, she wouldn't have had any way TO relieve these idiots of their money.  Change adoption, and this won't happen.  Duh.

Answer 12

I think it's too bad that they got duped. Ms. Blume is a real piece of work and SHOULD be in jail. She deliberately defrauded some people out of some cash and that's theft. Pure and simple.

What I don't agree with, however, is that this couple was attemping to buy a baby. The whole situation is just creepy. The article mentions that they're still interested in adoption. Too bad they didn't learn their lesson. I'm willing to bet that they'll start paying another pregnant woman for her child and just be extra cautious (e.g., nagging, whining, begging to accompany her to doctor appts., and super sure to cut all ties the minute the umbilical cord is sliced) this next time. Wouldn't want to get ripped off again, you know!

Answer 13

Wrong is wrong and this woman committed fraud. Many of you are against, this type of assistance for woman, who agree to give their babies to PAP, but by applauding fraud on behalf of the first mom, is just as wrong. If you want adoption reform, how can you justify such behavior. How can you say, PAP, that use private adoption agencies, are predators and are wrong but you are standing on the sidelines, giving a felon the thumbs up.

Reform on behalf of adoption is needed, but I hope that none of you, that make silly, foolish, childish remarks are ever in the position to speak out, in a public forum, that would have any affect, on the much needed changes in our adoption policies.

Answer 14

What's for them to read into? The woman flat out lied and said she was pregnant so someone else would pay her way. She should go to jail because adoptions are a contract and she broke that because she was never pregnant. Adoptive parents who ignore open adoption agreements if agreed by contract can be held accountable because it's a written agreement.

Answer 15

Sunny , I cannot understand how you could think that the couple should not have been angry.   That woman lied and was charged later with being fraudulent.  Do you think it was ok for that woman to do that? Why do you think it strange that this woman would get jail time for posing as a pregnant woman to fool a couple who so desperately wants a child. It is a criminal offense to pretend your pregnant to get money.  If I had gone to an adoption agency and met a woman that said that she was pregnant, with "proof" from planned parenthood, how would I read into that situation? I know that you did not  have the greatest adoption experience in the world, but think of those adoptive parents for just one moment. If it had been you that had waited so long to have a child and then found out that it was going to happen and paid money upfront- wouldn't you be a bit upset, and rightly so?

By the way Aloha- just because that couple was paying money, it does not mean that the girl was getting all the money.  When we adopted we only paid for expenses and housing and medical during the pregnancy.  Possibly the agency should have been charged as well

Answer 16

Yes I do feel for them.  I fully agree that this woman who pulled off this scam should be in prison. She wants someone to pay her way well tax payers will pay for her to live in prison for a few years.

People looking to adopt should not be expected  to pay for the expecting mothers livings costs or medical bills.  These types of scams probably happen a lot. I saw one on dateline but the woman not pregnant had promised three couples her “unborn child”. You probably find some mothers who are pregnant and just want someone to pay their bills for a few months and have no plans to give the child up; after all they can just say they changed their mind when in reality they had no plans to ever give the child up. What a fantastic role model for a child to have.

Answer 17

In all fairness, there are some agencies that tell PAPs that if they are not willing to pay for living expenses, they are unlikely to get chosen.  We found this in more than one domestic agency, during our research phase.  It's presented as an "everyone does it" kind of thing.  One agency said that if you really cared about the child, you would make sure that the mother had money for food, clothing, etc.  

I don't think paying for living expenses is ethical and I can't see how it should be legal.  There's a big difference between a woman changing her mind about adoption, however and a deliberate attempt at defrauding someone else.  

Answer 18

Well, i kinda of feel sorry for them. They wanted to adopt so bad and have a family that they let themselves do it by any means possible. Meaning that this woman saw how bad they wanted to have a baby and she took advantage of that. All involved are to be blamed in one way or the other. The woman lying about being pregrnant; the adoptive parents not going thru a reputable adoption agency or getting a lawyer. All this could of been prevented if a lawyer or some other third party on the AP's end was involved. This is a sad story, it shows why reforms in adoption are needed.  

Answer 19

I feel very sorry for them. It is about intent. This woman was never pregnant. She was a con artist who knew that it was standard practice to provide living expenses to expectant mothers who are planning to relinquish. The PAPs were going on good faith... they were not defrauding or coercing or acting predatory to anyone. They were only interested in adopting a child whose mother wished to relinquish. All of the guilt and lack of ethics belong with the grifter. I am not a fan of pre-birth matching or paying mother's medical expenses, but as it stands right now, it is common practise in American domestic adoption, In Canada (at least in my province), we do not pay an expectant mother's expenses, so perhaps that's why we have never heard of a case like this in Canada (not saying it hasn't happened, I just have never heard of one). I believe she should go to prison and pay every last penny back to this couple.

Answer 20

Oh yeah, look at the paps and aps that come out full force when they get scammed out of greenbacks, but turn the tables and look at the thousands of women that have been scammed out of their children over the past few decades and nary a word, somehow they deserved to lose their children.

Uh huh.

When every ap gets jail time for buying a kid that was illegally or unethically taken from his or her mother is when I'll be crying buckets over this one.

Answer 21

Hi Sunny,

No, I don't feel sorry for them.  The couple is just as guilty as the woman who committed fraud.  Sadly, I don't think people in the general public view giving money to a pregnant woman as coercive.  In my opinion it is coercive, manipulative and unethical behavior because giving pregnant women money makes them feel guilty and obligated to hand her baby over after the birth.

Answer 22

Reguardless of your veiws on agency adoptions, this woman set out to defraud someone and she did just that.  She was never pregnant. She borrowred "pregnant urine" so she could take financial advantage of someone. That is a crime and she belongs in jail.

And I personally DO feel sorry for this couple. They want to be parents so badly and someone used that to steal money  from them, not to mention the emotional toll it took.

Answer 23

I think more girls should reverse the tables on the predators and do it. They just need to be a little smarter about it.  

If this is what it takes to get Paps to smarten up, I'm all for it and have no sympathy for Paps that try and take advantage of someone simply in need of temporary assistance.