Do you feel that you are always influenced by what others think?

Question

I am a very grounded person. I have probably done almost everything right my whole entire life. However, I feel that my decisions are always based around what others (mainly family) think I should do or want me to do. Major decisions that I based around what my family think would include education, jobs, finances, buying a house, etc. Now I feel that I am always going to be living under their direction and they won't support any decisions I make that they are not happy with. It's gotten to the point where it's affecting my personal life. How can I get them to listen to me and support my own decisions?

Answer 1

You gotta let them know that you've already grown up and can lead your own life. Maybe they're just worried about. You have to show them that they don't have to worry about you anymore. Try to flatter them and make them happy in any way that you can. If they still insist on doing things the way the want to, try to tell them that you want your own life, and not the life they want you to have.

Hope my advice helped, and good luck with your family ;-)

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

I dont know, what do you think I should say?

Answer 4

To some degree, you have to stop worrying about what they think and make your decisions based upon what you think.  They might find it a little strange at first if you have always done what they wanted you to do, but it is time to make decisions for yourself.  Shakespeare said, "To thine own self be true and it must follow as the night the day that thou canst not then be false to any man."  You are not being true to yourself or to them to do things you don't really want to do.  

To answer your question in terms of myself, I have always marched to a different drummer, and have made decisions for myself.  My family accepts me and my decisions even when they don't agree with them.  Healthy disagreement is a good thing.

Here is a piece of writing that might help you.  It has helped me all my life.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, 1921

Answer 5

no I do my own thing

Answer 6

Not really though it matters to me that my family is happy with what I do.  And I guess you are mostly happy too with yours.  For some matters you consider "your personal life", I think you just need to talk to your family and really speak your mind and be truly honest about what it means to you.  I'm sure what makes you truly happy matters that much to them too.  

Answer 7

I do my own thing. You're an adult, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.  

Answer 8

I think you should make decisions based on what you feel is right and what you think would make you happy. Your family probably wants you to make the best decisions and they probably think that they are looking out for you by making you do things their way, but in reality they are not. You should sit down and talk to your family, adn explain to them how you feel. Dont let yourself be influenced by others. Stand up for what YOU think is right.

good luck :)

Answer 9

No. You might enjoy fitting a norm???

All people fit a society that they run with.

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

Answer 10

Oh, someone else stole my answer!

Answer 11

No.  Not at all.

Answer 12

No, I'm not influenced. My boyfriend is though. It's hard for us to do things, cause he is constantly worrying that his family will disapprove. It's an impossible situation sense they disapprove over everything that invovles us.

Some parents just don't listen. But you have to get them to understand that you are an individual, and growing up. Basically stay calm and tell them how you feel. If they start critizing, just say it again, and say you'd like them to respect your decision.

Answer 13

That is sooo rough.  I did the same thing.  It is hard to be what everyone wants you to be.  But, I have a flip-side of the story for you.  Same situation, hung in there and did what everyone wanted or expected.  Then, Dad died.  3 years ago.  I feel lost now.  I do my own thing now, but, I feel lost.  So, don't give up the basket of apples, yet.  Just hide your feeling for a while, but, still do your own thing without their knowledge.  I feel a sence of freedom, but, I was so used to the other side of it.  So, anyway, it is hard to make changes in a quick fashion.  But, I am happy.

Answer 14

no i think over what a person might have to say then i think it over and then i come to decide what i want to do, if you have to be a individual and act  as one. you shouldnt need to follow people like lost sheep. no-one should choose and decide what you want done.

Answer 15

I mean some influence is ok if your family members are guiding you by personal experience or whatever but you do have to make most of your decisions on your own...it's your life.....is your family paying for your school,getting you these jobs,paying your bills and buying your homes? I think not...At the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy...I was like that too once upon a time until I got tired of everyone else around me being pleased and not me......I just said to myself..enough is enough....I've sacraficed too much to make others happy now I have to make myself happy...that was my "light bulb" moment..I hope you have yours soon..good luck.

Answer 16

Ask them not to make suggestions as to how you live your life. Before you even mention a decision you need to make, think of what you really want to do. Get that firmly in your head and then tell them about it; decide for yourself before you let them decide for you. Let them share their opinions and then tell them what you already decided. Hope this helps! ♥

Answer 17

Ultimately others may lean you one way or another but the ultimate decision to do anything belongs to you.  It is easy to say so and so influenced my thinking or they made me do it but that is not correct.  No one can make anyone do anything.  That is only done inside one's mind and if there is a decision to do something that is what someone else wants then there has to be a payoff for you.  So knowing that there is a payoff in your mind will influence you.  The problems begin when the expected payoff doesn't arrive.  So in the long run no matter what anyone does or says the final and total decision is your's alone and along with that goes the responsibility for that.

Answer 18

You need to be firm and assertive. Don't just let them walk all over you. It's your life and you should make your own decisions. The next time they don't support a decision you make concerning your own life, tell them as it is. Tell them that your the one who has to live with the decision and you deserve your own happiness. Also, don't let them bully you or guilt you into changing your mind. Good luck!

Answer 19

well, tell them that it isn't fair that they have to make YOUR decision......i mean, it is YOUR life! pilot your own life ^^

you should do what you feel like doing, not what others tell you to do.

Answer 20

Wow, I think it's amazing that you have recognized this. I think most people go through their entire lives being pressured and directed by others without even realizing it ( they believe that their decisions came from them). Then people wonder why they feel dissatisfied with their lives.

I lived this way for a long time and felt pressured to try to fit my life into a mold that other people ( including society at large) had created.

I think the fact that you have recognized this pressure is the first step and it is inevitable that you will change it. For me, well I simply chose to live my own life and 'I took the blows' for it. My family kind of sees me as a 'black sheep' and they talk about me behind my back ( i've been told). They feel the need to criticize anyone who chooses to make different decisions then they would make.

Ultimately, I've had to change my relationship with certain family members which was difficult.  

Answer 21

Perhaps you have merely given away a bit too much of your own power? Given that you have enjoyed success in spite of this now its' time to enjoy the freedom that goes along with it. Don't be so concerned with pleasing others all of the time.

Answer 22

it depends on how stong the question is and how insulting it is to me.. usually i dont but if it somehow give me a flashback of somthing in my life then yes. but i have learned how to be stong :D