Do you feel your mother is taking over your Wedding?

Question

My mother and father are paying for our wedding! My mother keeps changing things on me! Seriously I am like the last to know what is going on! The location changed 5 times! The colors we picked were black and white, and my mother changed it to pink, black, silver, and white.URRRRRRRRR. How do you tell her nicely about your concerns without hurting her feelings?

Answer 1

Is she throwing the reception or are you? This matters - find out how she intended to pay, was she just going to pay for you to have a reception, or did she intend her offer to be that they would throw a reception for you.

If she is throwing it then the most you can say is that you'd appreciate some consistency in the plans, and that changing things like that is stressful. You can also request that you be able to make decisions since this is in honour of you. (Or request that you get some input)

If she and you agree that you're throwing a reception and she is paying for it, then just let her know that she's taking over, and you had already made decisions. Inform her that you appreciate that she's helping out, and that her input is welcome, but if she wants to make a major change that you would appreciate her consulting with you.

Best of luck!

Answer 2

You stand up and talk to her like you would anyone else. Tell her that you thank them for paying but that you would like to have more imput into the details of YOUR wedding.  IF you do not stand up you cannot complain.  Just tell her, she wants to make you happy so you must let her know that this is not making you happy at all.  No need to confront just calmly inform and see if you two cannot agree to compromise.  You might as well start standing now because you will need to stand up for yourself if you want a healthy marriage.  Always tell the person how you really feel about something because they cannot read your mind.  She might think she is helping you.  She loves you so just talk to her.

Answer 3

My fiance and i aren't in full gear with this planning stuff yet. But one way we're avoiding that dilemma is by paying for the wedding ourselves. I'm hoping that we'll only get help if we've asked for it from others, like whether someone thinks this is a good idea or what not, but i would definitely be upset if someone started taking over my wedding. I guess we'll see in a few months how everything will start going.

Answer 4

oh my gosh, tell ur mom to backoff! I would get sooo mad if I were u!

If u wanna say it nicely, say "I want to make my wedding as my dream wedding, kay mom?"

Answer 5

omg... she is paying? Well honey, you can either be a responsible adult and give her back the money and do it all yourself.. or you can suck it up and appreciate her input AND CASH.

Answer 6

If she is paying for the whole wedding then she should be able to have some input- especially on the reception venue as these differ considerably in price. But input does not mean that she should have the final say.

I think you need to talk to her and tell her that you really appreciate her input but you would like her to consult you and your fiance before making any decisions, after all it is your wedding. Let her know that you have been looking forward to your wedding and wanted to do some of the planning yourself, with your fiance of course.

Answer 7

I think you should just try and be honest without coming across like your angry at her. Because they are paying for your wedding, it is only right that they get to have some imput but this is way too far. The only way she will know though to be able to back off a little is if you tell her. My mum has given me suggestion but she's not taking over...not by a long shot. But we are paying for our wedding ourselves so although I listen to opinions, she knows that at the end of the day, its me that will decide. good luck with everything.

Answer 8

My husband and I paid for our own wedding.

My mother didn't care about any of the wedding planning.  She didn't even want to attend.  She actually offered to give me the money that it would cost her to go and she could stay home.

So...be glad that your mother and father are paying, that's very generous.  Try to patiently and respectfully ask your mother to allow you some say.  Remind her that although they are paying, it is your wedding.  Find a compromise that works for both of you.

Answer 9

Fact is; they are paying for the wedding. However, she doesn't have the right to change things like that. She can keep the budget under control, but shouldn't be changing venues and colors on you.

You seriously need to ask her if you can talk to her when she has time in the next 2 or 3 days. (time limit so it will not be dismissed) Tell her that you are so thankful that she is here for you and that the two of you can work on the wedding together. Then tell her that some things have happened that have been frustrating and you need to get them worked out. Explain that you know she has to control the budget and you respect that completely. But that you need for her to respect your opinions on what your preferences are for the wedding. And you'll be glad to work together, but you feel like she needs to get your opinions before changing things.

Explain the change of venues is making you a bit crazy. You would like to settle on one place and go with it. Which place does she suggest and why? (if it's fine with you, then tell her "let's leave it there and mark that off the 'to do' list")  Then tell her that you love the look of black and white, and can't figure out why pink and silver have been added to the mix. Listen to her reasoning, and if you aren't convinced to add those colors, then tell her you see her point, but you prefer to stick with black and white. Then tell her you appreciate her so much, and all the hard work she's doing. Give her a big hug, and tell her you appreciate the talk. Then talk again in a couple weeks or so because you're both so busy and it's the only way for both of you to be on the same page. (This can work.)  

Answer 10

I think you're going to hurt her no matter what you say. Practice something in your head and tell her as gently as you can, don't compromise unless ya have to (she IS paying for your wedding and so is your dad). Make it firm, and clear.