Do you find yourself caught in a poetic?

Question

"Vortex" - rondeau

Singing for the fallen poet,

time goes on, lets nothing slow it,

and this time I can not excuse

wounds still won't heal, words only bruise.

Fate is not my own, I know it.

All I've written goes to show it,

given every chance to blow it,

success lives life, a clever ruse

singing for the fallen.

Still I go on writing so it

shouldn't mean a thing, forego it.

They are mad who this path choose,

slaves bound to a despotic muse,

slaves known only as the poet

singing for the fallen.

Answer 1

The grammar in lines 3-4 is difficult for me to penetrate; and being very formal (just for meaning: I am not criticising your syntax), is `it' in line 2 reflexive, `time itself?'

`Success lives life, a clever ruse' is also somewhat obscure to me; a ruse on whose part?  Is `lives' used in the sense of `controls' rather than `experiences?'  I am only guessing; I often have trouble with this sort of thing in a lot of poetry, not just yours.

`Forego it' is the first really superfluous rhyme, but the stanza begins with the first use of enjambment on this rhyme (`so it\...'), which actually works well with the sense in this case.  The last three lines before the final refrain are somewhat too hasty and overwrought for my aesthetic pleasure; I like the first two stanzas much more than the third.

Overall, not one of your top three rondeaux, nor did you intend it to be; but it has some admirable qualities, particularly the flow into and through stanza 2.

I am also sorry my comments are so technical; but I think it is just a peculiarity of the form.  I'm wondering if you've ever tried metres other than tetrameter; I have seen some really nice English rondeaux in pentameter that were able to achieve quite persuasive narrative voices--  admittedly this would normally detract from what I perceive to be your artistic goals, and I mention it only to note the flexibility.

Answer 2

This one is very cool...

Answer 3

This is, as usual, quite remarkable.  If you are a slave to a "despotic muse" , "though this be madness, yet there is method in't ".  Your poetry is inspiring and intelligent and sensitive.  Thank you.

Answer 4

I like this one very much; the Muse is very fickle, you must love her unconditionally or she departs.

Answer 5

following your poetic heart maybe following a fate

but at least you have it by the throat.

i cant put it into words at the moment,

but there is an important part to this poem..

Answer 6

Hi AMY G, again a beautiful idea is met me today in the shape of poem."perhapes i am also a poet because i feel some body is taking care of me."how lucky i am. But perhapes i am not a poet because i have no feelling for others. Yes, present is in my hand and past has gone for away from me. I have to reply for it. you are talking about fate which is in our hand, who can utilize it?some one has said " we were used to weep for our fate every day and again we have to spoil it by our own".A poet is a creater so he is creating keeping him away from polution .Let me say ,"i am happy over my rhyme, though i am burnt yet it was perfact."  zakir ranjha.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, the rhyme of "I'm a poet and I know it" has become a tiresome cliche, and really detracts from all the other fine qualities. If I can overcome that [And I could not, it set my teeth on edge.], the conceit of the poet as some demented mad(wo)man is pure music to my ears. I made inquiries at the Board of Directors of the Poetry Section, Department of Psychological Disorders. They informed me that scientific research, of the most impeccable metrical standards, indicates a strong proclivity among poetasters and dithyrambists to put their feet in their mouths.

Answer 8

Everything about this rings parody. it could be beautiful but Ii think the slow it,  the blow it ,show it ,know it. etc.  is just not subtle enough , too much cliche.  I love the singing for the fallen theme and the poem could work with out the  rhymes. I know you like the form  but......just try reading i.. for fun with out those phrases...

Answer 9

And the light of Eva shines through... the poet bound to her muse... Ah, but the muse has died. Does this mean the poet, Eva, is bound to death in her words? I personally do not think so... however, it makes for a dramatic poem...