Do you have a right to be a parent?

Question

curious on opinions of this.

Answer 1

No, adoptive and birth parents do not have a right to be a parent, and should they do anything to harm or potentially harm a child, they are out of there.

In Saskatchewan, a young family, one who was likely not ready to parent but everyone says give them a chance, pro birth family etc., well this family had a one and three year old die out in the cold because the father passed out drunk.  So no, not everyone has the right to be a parent.

Answer 2

No, I feel that there are some people in the world who should very much lose their right to parent.  No one has the right to destroy another person's life soley because that person came out of her body.

I know that people on this site get very uncomfortable when drug use or abuse come up.  It is unfathomable that a person could hurt a child and we like to believe that these cases are rare.  But while they are not the norm, they are significant, nonetheless, and their numbers are growing.  

Of course these mothers who are entrenched in addiction are "victims" themselves to an extent.  But we wouldn't let a blind person drive a car just because that person "can't help the fact that they are blind."  When children are at risk we need to function in reality, and the reality is that some women DO NOT have the ability to parent.  These women do grieve, , but should their sadness circumvent a child's right to be loved and cared for?

I feel that putting children in the arms of any woman soley because she gave birth can be reckless and irresponsible.  Yes, I'm taking about drug addiction and abuse..and I get tired of people dismissing these issues as if they do not exist.  Some people on this site have no idea about the horrific things that go on.  I don't think in all cases we should gamble with a child's life in hopes that a mother will "get her life together,"  because in many cases they don't.

  Someone recently put up a post about newborn babies crying for their birth mothers....well, you haven't lived until you've watched a newborn scream, and have tremors from detoxing from the crack his mother used while in the womb. All these mothers cry at  their babies bedsides and they feel soooo "guilty"  and they always want another chance. This "maternal instinct" we talk about does not overcome some of the extreme problems people face. In these cases, I think our compassion needs to be extended to the child first.  

No, no mother should have the right to destroy a child if she has demonstrated that she is not capable of mothering.

edit-I know the intent of the question might have been more addressed to those wanting to adopt, but this is just an opinion from my side of the issue.

Answer 3

I don't think it is a right.  I don't know exactly where I stand, but I do get upset at PAP's who feel entitled to other people children (and I want to be clear, I am a PAP myself...but I want to make sure our adoption is as ethical as possible, and I do NOT under any circumstances envision myself as a better parent then a biological parent).

I understand infertility and how it messes with your mind.  I truly truly understand the longing that goes with wanting a child in your life, however, I do not think, just because you want a child you should have a right to a child.  I don't know.

The whole adoption thing has me so confused lately.  Like...adoption, if done for the right reasons, can be a wonderful thing, I just am not sure anymore if most people who are adopting are doing it for the right reasons.

I do not think going into adoption because you feel you have a right to parent is the healthiest attitude to have.

I do know that every child should have the right to a safe, loving home. They also should have a right to know their origins, AND the right to not feel grateful that they were adopted or second best.

Answer 4

If two people make a baby, they have a right to parent their child unless they are a danger to the child.  If the parents are abusive/neglectful, then they lose the right to be their child's parent temporarily or permanently.  Because of this conditional nature that exists in order to protect the child, the natural right to parent one's child becomes a privilege.

As an infertile woman, I (obviously) could not give birth to any children.  I still maintain the same theoretical right to be a parent that fertile people have, but I am without the opportunity to produce a child to whom I can be a parent.

If a child has lost his/her family due to death, abuse/neglect and the like, it is necessary that someone else parent the child.  The likely choice is a family member, but one may not be available to do so.  So, now I may possibly end up being a parent to the child.  This is a right in the same way that it is a right for any natural parent of a child.  It is subject to the same condition of providing an abuse-free and neglect-free home to the child.   Therefore, it is, in effect, a privilege, just as it is for a natural parent of the child.

Answer 5

Why is it about rights?

I have the ability and it's a choice I can make.

The more important question is: Am I capable or being a parent? A good parent who will do the best by any means for a child...

People who want/have children in their lives should look at parenting that way. Not in the context of who has or doesn't have "rights"

Answer 6

why wouldn't you have the right it not like your getting arrested that say you hav ethe right to remain silent lolz well how old are you idk why you ask

Answer 7

The right to be a parent?  Well, according to the law in the U.S., any nit-whit that can get pregnant is allowed to be a "parent."

As someone who is unable to have children this is a rather sad topic for me.  I see so many "mothers" out there who really don't seem to give a darn.  Screaming at their child, marching off accross a parkinglot and not watching the tot, or holding their hand, ignoring their child....all sorts of sad things.

I'm in my 40's.  My husband and I are very happily married, with a good, honest, trusting and loving relationship.  We live on a farm.  I'm a stay home wife.  I have endless amounts of time and energy to devot to a child.

The man who I grew up with (since I was 18 months old) was not my biological Dad.  Yet without a doubt he was my Father, my Dad, ect.  From him I learned it was possible to love a child not of your own blood, utterly, and completely, because that is what he did for me.

I think I have a lot better "right" to be a parent than many of the biological parents out there.

"I just wanna have a baby so my boyfriend/husband won't leave me."

"We are so in love, and are trying to have a baby, but can't afford the wedding of my dreams right now."

"I've always wanted a baby, I'm 16 right now, can I get pregnant if....."

"If I get pregnant, will that mean I'm an adult, so my Mom can't ground me anymore?"

"Babies are just so CUTE, I just want one!"

"I'm trying to get pregnant, so my boyfriend will have to marry me."

"I got drunk, and now I'm pregnant, and it's too late for an abortion, and I don't want a kid, but I can't give it up for adoption."

"I'm 26, and my husband is 27, I just got pregnant with our 8th child.  We can't afford the rent, and their going to turn the power off, my Mom is being so selfish and won't give us more money.  Is there some way I can force her to give us the money, because she's well off......"

'I just found out I'm pregnant, but I don't know if the baby is my husbands, or my boyfriends.  My boyfriend is black...what do I do?"

These are all honest examples of things people have said in yahoo groups I belong to, or on yahoo Q&A, or I've heard in person.  I've heard all of those, and many, many more.  All of them break my heart.

I just want to scream at them at how selfish they are being, and about how they do not deserve to be a parent.....EVER.

Yes, I think I have a lot more "right" (common sence, love, time, devotion, tollerance, ect) than many, many of the people who are able to pop out the children biologically.  I also think I have more "right" than some of the folks who seem to want to adopt children from other countries, because Hollywood has made it trendy (that's just plain creepy!).

Just because someone can have a child biologically, OR through adoption does not mean they have the "right."  Being a parent is a matter of devotion, and being willing to see to that child's needs, no matter what they are.

~Garnet

Who would give anything to be a mother.

Answer 8

well looking at some of the people that have children im sure i have the right to be a parent. i find it funny how you need a licence for most thing i.e. dogs, fishing, driving and well i could go on all day but you can have s*x with some girl you have never met and become a dad/mum

i think you should make sure can support a child before you evan think of having one

Answer 9

Apparently some people think it is their "right". When I was orginally told many years ago that I could never have children and I became pregnant and then was told I needed to abort....

Let me back up. When I was told I could never have children, I just thought, "ok". Then I dreamt of having a home for teenagers who were thrown our of their homes and had no where to go. I don't think they have those anymore, but they used to, I don't know what they were called, half-way houses?It was a safe haven for teenagers in crises.  It was like what they have for women who are abused have. Now, I guess kids get arrested or put into foster care.

When I got pregnant, I was shocked, but told I had to abort. That was hard. I was compliant and did what my doctors told me. But, I just knew that one day I might make a great step-mother, or I would do foster care, something. I didn't dwell on the fact that I couldn't have a baby. I just accepted it as if they had told me I lost my sight and I would never see again.

It never crossed my mind that, I would try to adopt. I don't know why. I just didn't. I guess I just accepted that I was supposed to do something else.

Please, for those of you have taken in children and are AP's - mom's - to foster kids or kids who truely were abandoned, I am not speaking to you.

I know of one AP, in particular, that thought it was her "god-given right" to have a HEALTHY INFANT, even though she couldn't. When people tell lies, pay money, and use coersion to get an infant, then yes, I believe they are thinking it is their "god-given right".

Answer 10

Absolutely not.  For years, I "knew" that I would never be a parent because I came from an abusive home, and did not know how to not pass on the abuse to my own children.  When I met my husband, I had learned a few things about myself and children - basically I realized that I would not in fact be an abusive parent.  I certainly wouldn't be perfect, but I know I can avoid abusing my kids.  STILL, I do not have the "right" to be a parent.  When my husband and I got together, we talked a lot about kids.  We are both very socially conscious people (we work with troubled kids, and I worked with the elderly and disabled for 7 years).  We decided that we didn't "just" want to be parents.  We want to do some good in the world.  We are adopting through foster care because we believe we have what it takes to help our children to have a decent life - not due to inability to conceive or any desire to be heroes.  

But we STILL don't have the "right" to parent.  If it happens, it happens.

Answer 11

obviously theres no such thing as to wether someone has the right to become a parent i ended up pregnant when i turned 18 to some people that would seem to young but my daughter is now in kinder and she's received 3 certificates this year:) some people i could say don't deserve children because they don't spend time or feel that their children are worthy of their love. oh and i hate when i hear a parent curse at their children its so harsh and they don't understand the emotional damage they're causing to them

Answer 12

Nope. Sorry, just because you CAN procreate, doesn't mean you should. And if you physically cannot, doesn't mean you shouldn't. It's a sticky issue.

Answer 13

Yeah I do have a right to parent. My body created my children and I have as much right as anyone else to parent those children who I have brought forth into this world.

I also have a responsibility to those children to be the best parent I can be. A responsibility to give them the tools they will need to see them through life.  A responsibility to foster growth of all kinds, emotional, physical and spiritual.

Of course you could take that up for a nice long debate with the people who stole my son and tried to steal my daughter... they thought the right was theirs. In their eyes the right was to make fat cash off my womb.

Answer 14

uh uhn...  no more than i have the right to demand that harvard accepts my application, or the bmw dealer to sell me a car with jack-up credit.

Answer 15

Yes, but only as long as I earn that right by being a fit and responsible parent to my children.

My husband and I were responsible for creating our children.  Our children have a right to be parented effectively.  In these days of irresponsible, drug addicted and teenage parents, the right to parent has outweighed the right to be parented, and it shows in some of the disgraceful ways children are being brought up today.

Children have but one childhood.  Parent's can't afford too many 'mistakes'.

Answer 16

I think this is a liberty issue and has to be considered a basic right. With rights also come responsibilities, and this has some pretty major responsibilities with it. Society should stress the responsibilities, so that children do not come into the world with parents who are unprepared to meet them. There needs to be circumstances that are understood to be met before people become parents, including an ability to support them, a backup support system, parenting skills, and some type of post-secondary education completed.

Answer 17

Nope.

Being a parent is a responsibility and a luxury.

If you cannot provide for a child emotionally, mentally, spiritually, morally and yes, financially, you should not be a parent.

I am sick to death of having to clean up the mess from those who never should have been allowed to pro-create, much less keep the children.

Answer 18

Wow Gersh - that's really weird, I was just trying to word a question about rights vs privileges in raising a child. This is what I cam up with:

The RIGHT to parent?

I've recently seen people state or imply that they/others who wish to adopt have a right to parent. I totally disagree with this idea, because really it is only an idea - of theirs. I looked through the US Constitution and nowhere do I see that people have a right to parent someone else's child. That is a privilege, not a right.

A woman who gives birth to a child has a right to raise that child - unless she abuses the right (and in infant adoption abuse doesn't usually occur because women are separated from their children immediately after birth)- this often happens in infant adoption because she is coerced into terminating her parental rights. If she is coerced into surrendering her infant in any way, shape, or form this is a human rights abuse issue.

I don't understand why more people aren't interested in keeping families together where no abuse has occurred, when many young women simply don't know what parenting is all about.

What are your thoughts on a persons RIGHT to parent?

I guess my answer is in my question. Basically, I don't think people have a RIGHT to parent someone else's child. Even if a woman willingly relinquishes a child it doesn't give someone else an automatic right, and yet this is what I so often see in the attitudes on this forum.

ETA: "Heather." said, "Alot of people in the world shouldn't be aloud to have kids."

This seems more closely related to  socialism and eugenics, not democracy - not the world I live in or want to create for my child. I really don't know the rights of women in China/ the one child policy, but it is a woman's right to reproduce if she can AND women do whether they are "ready" to or not. I think the wealthy people in China get to keep their "extra" babies if they are wealthy enough to pay the "tax" or whatever it is called. That to me is a form of socialism.

It seems that people want the playing field leveled in two discordant ways when it comes to who can or cannot have babies. And basically I think it all comes down to social construct and wealth in this country - who deserves to parent and if we try to make if nice for everyone, including for those who unfortunately cannot become pregnant when they would like to become parents - SOME think that the playing field should be leveled via wealth and to me that is a socialist concept. And it doesn't belong in this country.

Answer 19

Alright, - In my opinion? No!

Being a parent should be a priviledge,

not a right.

Too many children are being born 'just because'

someone forgot to take or use birth control and

then abused...I'm sick of Child Abuse!

C

Answer 20

Who is you?  I think that any responsible individual who is mature and capable - emotionally, physically, economically - should be able to have children.  Since this is in the adoption section, I hope you aren't insinuating that people who are unable to conceive are cursed by god and therefore unfit to parent, or some other such nonsense.

Answer 21

yeah, when i get married.

Answer 22

I will answer this the same way I answered a similar question earlier in the year that was the same:

Interesting question! I'm somewhere on the fence with this. Reproduction is actually considered a basic life function as defined by the American's with Disability Act. That is why there is such a push for infertility to be covered by insurance. So in that sense, does society consider reproduction to be a "right"? I'm not sure.

Is parenting a "right"? Hmmm. When I read your question, I immediately thought of my Constitutional "Rights". Nothing in there about parenting. So I would basically say "no".

I think that parenting should be a privilege. The problem with that thought is that reproduction is not a privilege and as much as we don't want to admit it, there are people who reproduce that really shouldn't. Just look at the children in abusive homes.

I think that society as a whole unfairly dictates two concepts: 1) if you give birth, and choose not to parent, you are somehow this horrible monster, and 2) if you cannot give birth to a child, then you are less of a woman. I think society almost makes women feel like they MUST be parents, although I'm not sure why that is. I think the only "right" we have in this case is to do what we want to do - whether it be to parent or not. We have a right to make that decision for ourselves - no one else should coerce, chastise, or make that decision for us.

Answer 23

Yes I do think you have the right .GOD gave you the gift of life not joe from down  the road and for the one's like my daughter that can't have children she is given the blessing of some day being giving the gift of life from a couple who could care less about wanting this special gift from god. But let me get this out.

   The gift ( a wonderful child) is given by GOD to both a mother and father not just a mother who decides this gift doesn't need to know the father so go about not informing him. Let them explain it latter to God. So my answer is YES YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE A PARENT GOD GAVE YOU THAT RIGHT. It's not his fault if you throw the gift away.

Answer 24

No they don't.  Whilst it is natural to want to be a parent; nobody is ENTITLED to a child.

Answer 25

Am I standing on a nerve?

I made that statement in response to an PAP who asked why the forum on adoption was so negative.  I wanted to present the "adoption is a beautiful thing" side of adoption and that it can be a happy thing.  

For those of you who couldn't find it in the constitution, did you miss the part about the pursuit of happiness???  We have the right in this country (USA) to pursue happiness as long as we don't infringe upon the rights of others.  If the birth parents do not want to parent and willingly gives up the right to parent then it is the RIGHT of the adoptive parents to parent the child.  

I think there are about 10 people on this forum in the pursuit of misery.

Answer 26

No. I don't think you have the right to be a parent.

I mean just because you have sprem or spit out an egg every month doesn't mean you can be a parent.

A Parent is someone that raises a childwith love and care and is always foucsed on whats best for the child not themselves.

Alot of people in the world shouldn't be aloud to have kids.

Answer 27

It never occurred to me that being a parent was a "right".  All I know is that I was capable and desired to be a parent.

"Privilege" sounds like a better term but I'm not even sure about that. I'll have to think about it some more.

Answer 28

I don't have the "right" to be a parent. According to 1/2 of the people on this site I also shouldn't have the "option" of being a parent because my husband and I cannot have children naturally.

Being a parent should never be a right. It is a privilege and a blessing (no matter where your children come from).

I don't feel that I am entitled to a child, but I do feel that I have a right to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. I also feel that I could provide that same opportunity to a child.

Answer 29

Hi Gersh,

Looking at some of the responses you have received so far, it seems some people may have misinterpreted your question to mean "Do you have the right to abuse a child?"  I understood that was not what you were asking.  Of course nobody has the right to abuse a child.  

This question was only "Do you have a right to be a parent?"  I think the answer to that question can be divided into 3 basic parts:

1) Yes, we all have the right to attempt to conceive if we would would like to be parents.  (I think that would be covered under the "right to the pursuit of happiness."  Note that there is no guaranteed right to happiness itself, just the pursuit of it.)

2)  Yes, we all have the right to parent our own children if we give birth to them, assuming we do not abuse them.  This includes children who were unplanned conceptions and children born to single parents.  That is not the same as saying we all have a right to parent other people's children.  We don't.

3)  No, society does not "owe" anyone a child if they cannot give birth to their own.

For the children who already do not have families and homes, then yes, everything should be done to find them the best homes possible.  If that happens to be with someone who cannot give birth to their own children, then that's fine.  The focus should always be on the needs of the child, not on a childless adult.

Any notion that children must somehow be redistributed equally among society for everyone who feels they have the right to a child, is an idea I find to be quite disturbing.  

A final thought is something I learned in childhood:  Life is not always fair.  

Thanks for asking our opinions.

julie j

reunited adoptee